18.08

Im with Davision thanks. 

there is another plan to torture him 

and force him into his ex partner 

i do not consent for my materials to be used in this project 

thanks for the respect ... 

10.25 am 

thankyou for the article Scarey ... 

she can't come back to him at the moment 

as she has a commitment with Dev

although we are always open to competition ... 

she loves them both very much ... 

given time 

your longing to be known 

will overpower the secrecy of your ego ... 

Robsons Law 



December 2013 

12.08

apparently Scarey 

tried to recommend my being cut off from my nephews ... 

n she is all pain ... 

that is not going to work Scaresy 

he is not vigilant like Dev ... 

280615 5 pm 

the awareness 

that he wears me down for money . 

When you're trying to fix someone you don't see that ... 


************

to use a sword you need to know what you want it for (Paolo Coelho) 

to use a weapon you need to know how to not use it 

same with my voice ... 

20.14

Im with Davision thanks 

I do not consent for my materials 

to be used in torturing him and forcing him to his childs mother ... thankyou ... 



or maybe they are thinking of

sticking a broom handle up him 

like they did with Loz ... 

13.36

Enders is thinking of putting spokes in 

with my nephews ... 

a technique she employs with her own family ... 

270615   4pm

playing with her hair ... 

she might be thinking about someone else ... 



**********

I could see how lust killed love 

but not the problem with fantasy 

both of them were fantasies. 

I suppose where that falls down 

is when the boiler plays up and I'm all alone 

miles away from any friends or family ... 

somehow i must have chose to put myself in this situation ... 


at the same time 

i hesitate to act out with someone for real 

that was quite a cynical experience 


*********

going to meditation groups 

i realise how you can go to different depths with it 

and this really enhances my programme 




*********

combining exercise and meditation 

eg a long uphill walk 

followed by lying down can be very relaxing 

20.19

Im in love with Davision thanks ... 

there is a plan to deport him tonight 

and force him to his ex partner 

i do not consent for my materials to be used in this project ... 

thankyou ... 

3.30pm

Enders contacted my favourite coffee shop 

and asked them to be unpleasant with me

another drive to force me to Fritzle 

he would have more chance if he didn't try to force it ... 

22.39

why don't we have Waynes World 

and Happy Days on E4 ... 





23.01 

come to think of it 

how about a sitcom based on 'Grease' ... 

I met him at the candy store ... 




23.07

the fifties were class ... 

5.45 pm

Mrs Baskerville 

does not seem to like me attending to my gardens ... 

she is worried 

that if my reputation improves 

it might reflect badly on her husband ... 

23.20

my neighbours 

have made noises to indicate 

that i am to be attacked with more germs ... 

190615 2pm 


Ive never known a psychiatrist to talk about emotions ... 


***************

I'm going to call Trading Standards 

i want to speak to the manager, 

you are an arrogant ignorant man . 

the jeans are not supposed to split along the seam

he doesnt seem to be giving anyone their money back ... 

ill just wait here and see what the other customers have to say ... 


chances are id have found someone unsuitable 

with familiar isms ... 


200615  4pm 

its so painful when love and sex come together 

like being plugged into the mains with a  wet hand 

put your cards on the table 

spin the wheel 

its a gamble baby ... 

i never knew there could be so many sounds in the silence 


reprogramming 

is like trying to make a piece of machinery 

turn the other way , 

its hard ... 

feeling embarrassed on your own ... 

20.18

Im with Davision 

i do not consent 

for my materials to be used 

in torturing him and forcing him to his childs mother ... 





thanks 

noon 

last night there was a strong smell of urine in the garden 

and anohter throat virus.

the noise made by the neighbours 

suggested this was a committee decision ... 

2.30pm

making a fool of yourself ? 

thats the whole idea ... 

to break down the external persona ... the shell 

thats why the facilitator 

doesnt want other people in the room 

so that we can feel free to be silly 










140615

my stepmothers new husband 

is sort of a loveable rogue 

22.06

Im with Davision thanks 

i do not consent for my materials to be used 

to provide inspiration for torturing him 

and forcing him to his childs mother ... 


thankyou ... 

there is a plan to deport him tonight .... 

19.32

Chucky has had channel Dave renamed ... 

10.30am 

this all about numbers culture 

that forgets we are people 

is not cost effective ... 


money growing as thick as the dust 

collusion / the gates

170615 22.30

safe words are like condoms 

people don't always want to use them 

130615 4pm

sadism, masochism, safewords ... 

last week i rambled 

not really sure where I'm going with this 

behind every unpleasant truth 

there is a gift

I'm curious to know whats behind it ... 


sex brings out alot of creativity 

which i then have to deal with. 

healthy porn involves consenting adults 

that are not damaged in some way. 

Its difficult to tell what is a genuine adventure 

and what is really harmful. 

120615

people forget that machines can go wrong 

and then you have to consult a human being 

130615  4pm 

i wouldn't watch porn on the internet 

it would have to be a DVD

using the internet might take you to something illegal and damaging ... 

like images of children ... 

22.12

there is a plan to deport Davision tonight 

and force him to procreate with his childs mother 

Im with Davision thanks 

i do not consent for my materials 

to be used in torturing him and forcing him to her ... 

22.39

my new nephew 

is a delightful little boy 

i have taken him to my heart ... 

8.52, 19.11

Im with Davision thanks 

i do not consent for my materials 

to be used in torturing him and forcing him to his childs mother ... 

18.06

there is a plan to torture Davision tonight 

and force him to his ex partner 

i do not consent for my materials to be used in this 'experiment' ... 

I assume by your saying 'agenda' 

that i don't like people swearing aggressively in meetings 

and saying things like 'loonie bin' ... 

both points have been strongly resisted by the group 

i have been mauled and shamed over my voicing those concerns. 

Alanon is supposed to be a loving family where i can raise concerns 

not so that i can win, but so that i can be heard 

and also to hear other peoples views ... 

Alanon is listed in the phone book as a mental health charity ... 

it is highly offensive to hear experienced members 

saying they have been 'saved from the loony bin' .... 

where does that leave people who have themselves experienced the terror of psychiatric hospitals ? 

Admittedly there is no point me pushing this concern in a group of people that are ignorant of this issue 

for them calling it a loony bin is their way of saying they are not all that insane ... 

at the expense of those who are ... 

but that is what ignorance is ... being ignorant of the harm you are doing others 

is not something you can easily break through . 

I agree that i am not going to get this point across 

however i may from time to time voice my feelings about it 

because i too need to be aired and validated ... 

23.33

there is a plan 

to deport Davision tonight 

and force him to his childs mother 

using my materials as inspiration 

i do not consent 

I'm with Davision thanks. ... 

a funny way of showing it

this is a chapter of Collusion ... 

3.35pm 

120615 12.15pm 

the implication is that if i don't go back to Fritzle 

that she will put spokes into my relationship with my nephews ... 

a technique that she practices with her own children ... 

and would set the dog on me possibly as well ... 

Enders has been on the rampage ... 

an actress was posted in the bank with a small dog off its lead ... 

'say goodbye Louie, have you had a nice time socialising ... ' 

she said to the dog ... 

loud voice and flowers in her hair. 


then she pigeoned the radio at the day centre. 



on 100615 at 1am 

Enders caused me an akathisia episode 

having clopixol sprayed into my room ... 

and these are the kind of things i was protesting about 

when i jumped ... 

8.21am 

during the night, 

the fib sprayed a heavy throat virus 

into my bedroom window. 

Fritzle contests that he owns me 

and that he is entitled to an arranged marriage .... 

22.47

time to woman up ... ?

11.22am

there is a committee plan today 

to deport Davision 

and force him to his childs mother ... 

i do not consent for my materials to be used in this project 

'to provide the atmosphere and inspiration' ... 

I'm with Davision thanks ... 

090615 

12.30pm 

performers use the Alexander technique 

as it helps them with stage fright 

Mindfulness is more accessible as a kind of first aid ... 



alot of violence goes on at the top ... 

e.g. Celebrity Big Brother 

alot of threats and stuff 

they find themselves in a cut-throat, lawless jungle 

where anything goes ... 

19.30

great gear for a house rave 

00.05  100615 

there is a plan to deport Davision tonight 

and force him to his ex partner. 

For this they want films of me in order to 'set the mood' ... 

i do not consent ... safeword ... 

today Fritzle had a little sideways message passed to me 

via the ME group 

"I seem to remember that you and Simon had an IKEA sofa (still have??) and wondered how you rated it. We've been searching high and low for sofas and got completely fed up with making a good decision and telling ourselves we should pay a lot for durability. The IKEA Karlstad is raved about by its owners and it's one of the designs we most like.
What do you think? At our age should we be racing off to MultiYork and spending the children's inheritance?


Thank you in advance"

again he is incapable of taking a risk 

and actually disclosing his feelings towards me in person ... coward ... 

noon 

i feel empty and full at the same time 

is the glass half full ? 

18.42

Im with Davision thanks 

i do not consent for my materials to be used 

as part of a project to torture him 

and force him to his childs mother ...

thankyou ... 

9.35am 

someone has sprayed a virus into my bedroom window ... 

060615  4pm

looking for other kinds of experience than sexual ones 

eg passing an exam or other thing you might achieve ... 

when push comes to shove 

i always put my sexuality first where my love life is concerned 

this is not a good thing ... 




070615 5pm

anxiety is not always proportional

to what is going on ... 

its like a different frequency / lens 

070615 4pm

more harassment from Enders ... 

an actress planted in the meeting to threaten me with pests : 

she spoke of 'rentokill' 

23.00

Dev am i getting the message 

that it wont be safe for me to do another fairground ride at the moment ? 

i was kind of looking forward to it in a way ... 



080615  00.18

i think you said no its ok for me to ride ... 

the fib

2.20pm

the baskervilles 

are indicating that I'm to be attacked with germs 

i wonder if some of them are stomach bugs ... 

someone else indicated 

that an accident might be planned at the fairground ... 

rehab

4pm 060615 

- the love i feel for my nephews is different 

different kinds of love 

- i suppose fairground rides are safer and more sanctified 

than jumping out the window 

- Im addicted to my meds now 

they were forced on me

- sex being about power, something to explore ... 

- its hard work trying to turn that knob in your head 

the one where we are dominated by our need for approval . 

Have you read Louise Hay ... oh I'm surprised ... 

- as its a small group i might let myself ramble a bit ... 

i usually plan more what I'm going to say ... 

060615 1 pm

harassment from Enders in the street .. . 

' I got these cat eyes

a tear in the ear, ' 

as in torn 

drama group

050615 2.30pm 

today we made a scene with two bullies, two victims and a teacher 

are you startin ... 

i need 50p , those two are posh kids they've got lots of money 

hey whats going on here are you bullying ? 

no those two are trying to set us up , we were jus minding our own business 

do i look like a bully Sir ? 

im Charmagne 

ere did you see what Kerry was wearing ... 

we are going to duff her up 

( round the bike shed ) 

teacher ... whats going on here ? 

we saw someone sir and thought it was an intruder 

so we followed him 

how come i can smell smoke ? 


****************

what do you feel you would offer the company Mr Dutton ? 

having read your CV i see you trained as an architect 

in 5 years time you are likely to move on, rather than staying in cement design

and we would have given you all this training ... 



we are obliged to take a number of 

how shall we say 

more difficult applicants 

we can allocate them a place

it looks good on our books Mr K ...

the fib

11.07

they have parked a dark car outside my home ... 

10am

the fib put a bug on my computer 

my tv also went wrong at the same time 

they do these things without consulting the committee 

knowing they can get away with it ... 

040615   2pm

new baby Charlotte 

has chiselled features 

just like the Queen ...