010915   midnight 

yes the strata at Telescombe reads something like 

20 million years of orangey rock

then 1 million years of say maybe forest and fossils

then 20 million years of orangey rock

and anohter 1 million years of forest fossils.

i hadn't thought about it

its odd for it to repeat in such a regular pattern , like a design ...

and would suggest that the pattern would again repeat sometime

and that there might have been other eras of human life, extinction, 

and human life again ... x

14.26

Im with Davision 

I do not consent for my material 

to be used in torturing him 

or forcing him to his ex partner ... 

290815   4pm

maybe its just as well

i didn't go to see the other friend 

who's husband has just been to a prostitute ... 


******************

is my fantasy 

a help or a hindrance 

when i pick up dysfunctional friends ... 

this physical pain in my body from the argument 

hidden behind the fantasy ... 

20.51

thanks , she is vey honoured ... 

noon 

Aboriginal painting ... 

in dots ... showing how 

each animal has its own little neck of the woods ... 




***************************

there are other ways 

of quantifying the evaluation ... 

of services , 

other than by numbers. 

eg x number of people have gone on to continue the exercise ... 

the value of which may be more apparent in the long term ... 


************

song

270815   pm

whats keepin me alive 

is killin me ... 

I'm with Davision thanks 

i do not consent for Lager 

to use my material in torturing him 

or forcing him to go back to her 

thanks 

23.08

it was Notting Hill Carnival 

about thirty years ago ... 

a black man put his arms around me from behind 

and asked if we could go back to his place 

for a nice slow push ... 

18.47

the fib have dogged me today 

with actors 

delivering germs and threats ... 

shame ... 

the gates

210815    noon 

they'll hear it from the kids at school ? 

yes but the TV is seen as an education ... 

210815  noon 

to police helicopter ... 

safeword ... 

we don't want you to watch ... 




I did something once on a hillside in Newhaven ... 

it was dark ... 

the car headlamps kept lighting us up

and they would honk at us ... 

20.31

Im with Davision 

i do not consent for my material 

to be used in torturing him 

and forcing him to his ex partner ... 

220815  4pm

boundaries, withholding more of myself, being on oath, 

loneliness, vulnerability ... 

my thoughts were more loving this week 

although they were not about the person I'm in love with. 

I still feel i need to protect myself from that 

and from other predatory entities ... 

Cashew and the fib 

have been firing viruses at me ... 

i think because i have some paper drafts that they are after .... 

19.24

deliciously dark emotions 

10.07

derangel ... 

18.34

Im with Davision thanks 

I do not consent for my material to be used 

in torturing him 

and forcing him back to his ex ... 

1pm

what time is Mindfulness ? 

too dirty ... 

18.40

whats that a coach potato ? 

9.31

im wiht Davision 

i do not consent for Lager to use my material 

in torturing him or forcing him to go back to her ... 

thanks ... 

8.48

she thinks if she can get them back together  

that her husband will come back to her ... 

23.44

of course my aunt is really talking about her own situation ... 

she believes that her husband ought to stay with her 

because he is her husband. 

The problem is much more profound than that 

when someone becomes disillusioned by their marriage 

and a temptation comes along 

its just too much to resist. 

You just don't want to work on the marriage any more ... 

23.25

my aunt keeps nagging me 

that Dev should be with Lager ... 

it does get to me ... 




23.38

she has a point i suppose ... 

its important to keep the family together where possible ... 

but why did she object to my relationship with Scarey ... 

he was not married or with child ... 


its like she wont let me have anyone ... 



23.41

I suppose she felt that i wouldn't cope 

with the pressures of someone in his position ... 

and that there was too much going on with his ex. 

Still, hasn't she heard of people finding this out for themselves ? 

7.30pm

i had a little thunderstorm 

which was quite cathartic ... 

150815  4pm

almost like he wants me to tell him what to do 
so that he can be in the right ... 

advice giving can be a defense
against a draining share ... 

my fantasy was more pornographic 
and less loving ...
thats not always a bad thing, 
sometimes necessary to protect my emotions ... 

140815 20.11

the fib 

are causing problems remotely 

with my hot water and central heating system ... 



this is partly punishment 

because i successfully reported a pedophile ... 

160815   12.34

the fib obtained committee permission 

for this interference 

on the grounds that my relationship with Dev 

'undermines national security ' 


hence Baskervilles cheering the night before it started ... 

they support the idea that child sex abuse 

is 'the way that things are' ... 

20.34

Mrs Baskerville is talking loudly next door 

she wants me to hear her ... 

20.11

the fib 

are causing problems remotely 

with my hot water and central heating system ... 



this is partly punishment 

because i successfully reported a pedophile ... 



160815   12.34

the fib obtained committee permission 

for this interference 

on the grounds that my relationship with Dev 

'undermines national security ' 


hence Baskervilles cheering the night before it started ... 

19.54

bt 

10.42

the fib just put a bug on my computer 


there are also nasty viruses coming through the window 

and from the Baskervilles 

22.27

his jokes are vey cute ... 

00.31

joke ... 

why are the new boilers so energy efficient ... ? 

00.25

sorry Dev 

she had a bad day with her boiler ... x 

00.17,   140815 

are the fib 

causing problems remotely to my boiler and computer ? 

22.59

why are you justifying yourself ... ? 

art whisperer

110815   noon 

the material has a life of its own as well. 

It didn't turn out how she wanted it 

so then she couldn't see how good it was ... 

17.21

Im with Davision thanks 

i do not consent for my material 

to be used in torturing him or forcing him back to Lager 

thanks ... 

21.48

like when you're with your friends in recovery 

you wouldn't want to hurt them 

by taking away their boyfriends ... 

21.40

aren't you concerned for her ? 

she wants to stay with her child's father ... 

so they can have daddy at home in the mornings ... 

don't you want that for them ? 

19.31

the anglo american committee have decreed .. . 

that Davision belongs with Lager 

and who am i to interfere with that ... 

090815    10.45pm

i feel ashamed 

because i have followed my sexual desires

rather than settling 

for a socially acceptable relationship 


100815    22.20

i call myself a slag 

and then when things go wrong in the house 

this is what happens to slags 

who shag other peoples' partners ... 

080815 4pm

Id probably have one of those weddings 

where you realise you want to be with someone else ... 

070815  pm

every now and then i have a burst of courage 

so you never know ... 

22.13

Im with Davision thanks 

i do not consent for Lager to open my material 

and use it to force him back to her 

thanks for the respect ... 


nb as i was walking up the road this evening ... 

the Baskervilles opened and shut their front door 

this was to indicate 

that they would like me to move house 

and that they intend to try to push me in that direction ... 

yesterday evening, 

Cashew had her signature virus 

sprayed into my back garden ... 

070815 pm 

if i were advising them on sex education 

i would say make sure you have a condom and a safe word 

mind you people don't always respect that ... 

you could have a support group 

to discuss this difficulty ... 

you feel like you're spoiling the fun don't you ... 


teenagers love support groups 

its about finding your voice and respecting other peoples opinions as well ... 


************

I had a boyfriend who had someone else 

and i caught it from him like a disease ... 

and now I've got the habit myself 

i seem to make sure I'm in love with more than one person 

a bit like having lots of children ... 

that i can't meet them is beside the point ... 

10.40pm

the roar of a pedophile 

as he is faced with all that he is ... 

310715

I was too busy hanging around on street corners 

with my mentally ill friends ... 

010815   4pm

i never went looking for a relationship . 

I assumed because i had surrendered and meditated 

and it was spontaneous 

that it was going to be OK ... 


course being more loving and gentle with myself 

can trigger the love addiction 

and then i need to go back into the physical side ... 

my recovery is like a slippery ball of goo

Baskerville's aggression blasts through every sensitivity in my being ... 

leaving me shell shocked and desensitised ... 

22.20

nb the Baskervilles are also feeling threatened 

because i have been attending to my front garden . 

If my gardens look good they can no longer hide behind the idea 

that I am the problem person in the area ... 

21.45

Baskerville has been yelling and clapping now for 2 hours and 10 minutes. 

He has ruined my evening and my spirituality ... 

Baskervilles 'team' always wins 

he keeps clapping and cheering 

there is never that oooohhhh when your team fails ... 

Baskerville therefore is cheering 

to represent his team of pedophiles ... 

20.00

Baskerville 

did not like my reporting someone recently for using child pornography 

he is therefore making alot of clapping and yelling noises before tomorrow ... 

i have also had nasty cold sores recently ... 

12.19

Im with Davision thanks 

I do not consent for my materials 

to be used in trorturing him and forcing him to his ex partner ... 

thanks for the rispec ... 

21.45

IM with Davision thanks 

i do not consent for my material to be used 

in torturing and forcing him to his ex partner ... thankyou 

14.01

thankyou for visiting my son 

I don't feel able to at the moment ... 

23.28

Im with Davision thanks 

i do not consent 

for my materials to be used in torturing him 

or forcing him to his ex partner 

thanks for the respect ... 

2.30pm

l : get off my lorry

m : you can't make me 

m : I need to get to England 

l : what to claim benefits ? 

m : no, you've got more work over there, i need to get over there 

l : people like you are going to get shot 

m : thats not really ethical is it 

l : depends if you are a terrorist  

m : not everyone is an immigrant or a terrorist . Im staying on this lorry 

and if you try to remove me i will do you for assault ... 

l : you're causing strikes and transport disruption ... 

     

m : you might end up shooting someone 

who is not being violent ... 

and what is going to happen to the children ?  

l : shouldn't you be put in prison ? 

23.00

m : Im a human being. What about my right to flee from danger ... 

**********************

nb what these people don't seem to grasp 

is that this is an historic moment 

and our handling of the situation will be forever engraved upon us ... 

***********************

030815   

are the French deporting or culling them ? 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pu7AR0-FRro

the fib have been targeting me at lunchtimes. 

On Saturday a man sat near me in the bar in Brighton 

with a nasty cough. 

Yesterday there was one of Enders' actresses 

followed me to a bench where i was eating 

to smoke and yap ... 

the gates

8.50am

Mrs Baskerville is yelling at her dog. 

She didn't like me reporting a pedophile to the police yesterday ... 


11am, loud double thump 

rude food

23.11

the harmonic proportions diet