kebabs 

pitta va disappointment ... 

song : flying

300517  , 020617 , 030617 , 060617 



time to pay the piper 
just to feel again 
a deadly lottery 
this morbid terror 

with already 3 hip injuries 
and brittle ankles ... 

paragliding is my dream 
shall i give it up ? 

what if i get injured ? 
what if i fail 
and get too scared ... 

n I've got so much to lose 
that i can't normally see 
you can't see it in the complacency 
only when you risk it all  


just to fly 
risking that fall 

angry 

paranoid 

n now I've turned on a friend 
offended him 
and blocked him by mistake 

thrill seekers anonymous

I'm going to be so disappointed 
if i can't go paragliding, 
i will be devastated ...

where will my next adrenaline fix come from ? 

torturing myself 
n im terrified 

a psychotic episode 
staggering around like I'm drunk 
bumping into things 

n now I'm a suicide hotline 
n im reelin ... 

how come the terror attack in Manchester 
that happened on Monday 
was not in the papers until Wednesday ? 

a psychotic episode 

220517    22.30 

i love the sounds that happen in the summer,
like a hazy glow echoing in everything

resounding off an aeroplane 

buzzing in a lawn mower 

reverberating in a bee 
resonating in the thick gloopy atmosphere 
like inhaling jelly 

would you recommend a channel 
just so that they can get more followers ? 
what if my Dad finds it ? 
his mother might tell him 

maybe i shouldn't be talking 
about my family 
on social media ... 

no prizes for that .... 
n now I'm an ugly jealous 
green eyed monster !

the computer is buggy 
my jumpers are ripped 
maybe its time to contact him 
its a sign ... 

i never understood 
the withholding sex and affection thing
surely if I'm feeling angry
i would not be able to get that close to you
until i have cleared out my anger !
usually i need a bit of time and space
before i can love you again 

i still can't find my mummy
and then a voice said ...

every time you are kind, loving, patient, gentle,
she will be right there ... 

the 1980s

180517 

n you pay your taxes for me, ha ha ! 

living in a squat 
smoking pot 

I'm breaking the law 
n it makes me a bit edgy and raw ... 

hey lets pretend we are mental ... 
kind of a creative bender 
high on violence 

apparently the train strikes might stop 
if we get another coalition ... 

160517 

i sprinkled ground almonds on my pasta
and called it 'armezan' ! 

150517   6.50 pm

this terrible fear
of making mistakes 
of equipment going wrong 
and theres no-one to talk to 
and I'm to blame

i snagged my finger 
its bleeding 
and now i feel traumatised 
im in shock , wrapped in a blanket 

shivering and all alone ... 

song : bad boys

130517    4pm

I like the bad boys  

like a lost puppy 

looks so vulnerable 

and then I'm surprised 

when I'm treated badly 

maybe he gets violent 

when it all goes wrong 

and now I'm very selfish 

and lost all my friends 

they don't trust me any more 

n i just like the pain

the next big thrill 

will be the last 

its what i really want 

someone thats not appropriate 

thats in a bit of a state 

i should know better 

and leave them alone 

130517    4pm

I'm attracted to bad boys 
who are a bit vulnerable 
like a lost puppy 
and then I'm surprised when I'm being treated badly 
and maybe they get violent 
then it all goes wrong and you have to call the police 

and I've become very selfish 
and lost all my friends 
or someone might not trust me any more 
its all a bit sado masochistic really 

i always think the next big thrill will be the last 
i seem to be more interested in thrill seeking at the moment 
and then i fancied someone from AA 
and its not appropriate 
he is in a  bit of a state 

i should know better and leave him alone 

22.49 pm 

there is a video coming through 
which seems to be taking ages processing ... 
are the fib trying to block it ? 

song : n then you wanna die

100517    9.30 pm 


this pain in my soul 
is like a big black hole 
what is this pain 
that plagues me again ? 

theres work to be done 
challenges to overcome 
don't know if I'm gonna make it 
n i just can't fake it 

this pain is so real 
n wont seem to heal 
until i don't know when 
im all alone again 

this pain is so bad 
the worst i ever had 
sometimes i get so high 
n then i just wanna die 

080517 1 am

i need to draw out the poison
before i speak to him
remember its the bottle talking

this terrible pain in my heart
where is my family ?
why am i all alone
like a lost baby

i hope my daddy
doesnt find this
he'll be so mad
i just gotta get this pain out 

 

070517 

they held me down 
while i screamed 
'until there is no resistance' they said 
and forced the injection 

the drugs were so bad i got lockjaw 

Mental Health Anonymous

struggling to get to the starting line

070517 00.25

so why do i go back to the day hospital
when it drains me ?

its the humility of these people
they know rock bottom like nobody else
some have gone to rock bottom in life
and way below ...
sweet gentle people
they have no ego at all
no pride or ambition ...

i need to draw out the poison 
before i speak to him 

080517 

if you worked 
you'd know about tax returns 

050517  00.20 am 

im not funding your graphics department ! 
what do you think I'm made of money ? 
did you forget I've retired ? 
don't give me all this sales talk ... 
my wife and i have just come back from a cocktail party ! 
and why havent you mentioned the VAT ? 
is that on top ? 
1,200 is my final offer 
i already gave you enough 

we'll speak tomorrow ... 

song : I'm so stupid v 2

technology spooks me 

and takes me to a place 

where nobody has a face 

theres water in the box

n now the burner got burned 

my daddy's gonna be cross 

n I should have learned 

040517    8.30 pm 

im so guilty 

im so ashamed 

theres water on the driver 

n I'm to blame 

can't find the software 

oh silly me 

im so stupid 

please don't tell my daddy 

song : I'm so stupid

technology spooks me 
and takes me to a place 
where nobody has a face 

theres water in the box
n now the burner is locked 
my daddy's gonna be cross 
n he's the boss 


040517    8.30 pm 

im so guilty 
im so ashamed 
theres water on the disc 
and I'm to blame 

can't find the software 
oh silly me 
im so stupid 
please don't tell my daddy 

this crippling shame ...

the CD might be damaged 
water got into the box ... 

she can't find the printer software 
to connect to the new computer 
and this is her fault and she is stupid 
she does not want to tell her Daddy ... 

030517 

Brexit : 

ne'er cast a clout
till May is out !