310817

n its like Lady McBeth 
out damn spot 

n i have to keep washing myself ... 

300817 

I'm starting to enjoy this 
but I'm still in love with Dev
i wasnt good enough for him 
my magic isn't as strong 

in the psychiatric hospital 
i was assaulted by a lesbian 

border clashes 

300827   4.25 pm

float us ! 

it didnt really mean anything 

as he clings to you like a drowning man 

she seems to know already 
what i havent told her 

I'm very angry 

290817

she didnt sound too pleased 
to hear my voice
n i did what she wanted
n i try so hard to please her 
but its never enough
like she has me on a lead

now that she's got her way
she doesnt seem to 
want to know  
like I've served my purpose 

song : this is contagious

290817

i think i do have to do it 

actually its been forced on me 

you're telling me 
that my feelings are all wrong 
like you've got an answer for everything 

n im not being heard
you're jumping in too quickly 
and being so defensive 

it feels like a competition 
i literally blow a fuse 

surely i can't be the first person 
to discover that this is contagious 

290817

she says they are not forcing me to do things 

i think they are, I'm legally bound ... 

you're telling me 
that my feelings are all wrong 
like you've got an answer for everything 
you're jumping in with a quick answer 

n im not being heard
you're jumping in too quickly 
and there is no need to be so defensive 

no I'm wrong i shouldn't feel this way 
that this is a massive imposition on my life 
it feels like a competition 

this is quite empowering 
i feel i have given her a bit of a challenge ! 

for someone who is trying to get well 
its just mind blowing 
having to focus on how ill i am 
i literally blow a fuse 

surely i can't be the first person 
to discover that this is contagious 

280817

he slammed the door 
in my face 

song : my sorry song

270817 

I'm sorry for smoking 
when you had just given birth

i was jealous of your pain 
and the beautiful baby 
that i couldn't have

n i wasnt really there for you
when we were friends 

i must have got a bit lost 

n she was from a foreign country 

n I've done wrong

in my mis-spent youth

I've hurt the people

i was closest to 

270817 

im frightened 
what will happen next
something is going to go
very wrong 

my body feels the pain 
of the missing children
n i have to hold my tongue 

song : the untouchables part 2

260817

I'm really not so sure 
what this pain is about 
its so dangerous in my head
i shouldn't even go there 

there might be lost children inside 
or even the will to die 

talking to myself 
its like im lost in the dark 

nobody wants to know 
n you just can't find the spark 

250817 

i thought i might 
have hurt his feelings 
so i went up to him and said 
you know why i moved ? 
you kept yawning ! 

oh but to him 
that was just a way to chill ! 

would you like me to hold you 
while you kick and scream ? 

song : the untouchables

he's forced my hand 
he's brought the traffic to a standstill 
there are no trains 
the clinic has moved 

the untouchables ... 

I'm forced to entertain 

and then of course
infected with this anger ... 
i become one of the untouchables 

I don't remember 
any talk of a relationship 
aren't you supposed 
to sort that out beforehand ? 

i don't remember 
fancying you at all 
these things happen 

i was just lonely and drunk

the schizophrenics

230817 

and then of course
i become one of the untouchables myself 

infected with this anger ... 

230817 

well i did really fancy you 
but now i don't 

230817 

he's forced my hand 
he's brought the traffic to a standstill 
there are no trains 
the clinic has moved 
forcing me to entertain 
the untouchables ... 

230817    12.15 am 

ok you forced my hand 
so what do we do now then ? 

Amyl Nitrate 
was more interesting to talk to 
but i didnt really fancy him 

230817

i don't have to have a reason 
why I've gone off him 
he's got no chi ... 

song : the schizophrenics part 2

220817

the roads are cut off
there are no trains
somebody cut the wire
n it all went black

n I'm just left here with this psychopath
looks like i will have to talk to him

or they'll think I'm stuck up

the fib 
have arranged to move my clinic 
so that i will have to spend a whole day 
in a car full of schizophrenics ... 

the schizophrenics

210817 / 220817

n then they think I'm stuck up 


you could have a soft spot for somebody 
without it meaning very much 

the schizophrenics

210817 

the journey took so long 
i had to piss in somebody's garden

have i done something to upset you ? 
well you tend to interrupt 
and you keep changing the subject 

when i was in hospital
i thought everyone was either a spy
or a whistleblower ...

schizophrenia is contagious ... 

which cheese has the most vanity ? 

hellooo me ! 

the schizophrenics

210817 

somebody cut the wire 
n it all went black 


stranded 

the road is cut off 
n no-one can get thru

n I'm just left here with a psychopath  
looks like I will to have to talk to him 
I'm forced into the car ...

if i don't get in they will lock me up 

dirge grunge 

190817

here i am 
in a room full of adults
waiting for life to strike me down again
with lashings of pain

my brother used to call me 
half do Sue 

you left me in my hour of need she said 
n then she hung herself 
n left me in agony 
its just so bad 
n i can't see through my tears

this sanitised little world 

song : i can't write no song

wheres the structure, 
the melody ?
it sounds like a dirge ... 

song : under your feet

but when it comes to the crunch
it all seems to go out the window !
i just can't stand up to you 

I'm going slightly mad
sitting here on my own
with no-one to talk to

Im like a budgie in a cage
these words the bars
screened off from human faces

n i don't need to have a reason
why I've gone off you

my death will be pure vanity 

I'm going slightly mad 
sitting here on my own 
with no-one to talk to 

n i don't have to have a reason 
why I've gone off you  

my death will be pure vanity 

160817 / 180817

but when it comes to the crunch 

it all seems to go out the window !
i just can't stand up to you 

Im like a budgie in a cage 
these words the bars 

screened off from human faces 

song : I can't write no song

I don't know 
how to write a song 
aint got no chorus 
only my emotions

dont understand no chords 
or no rhythm ... 





© Lizarrik 160817

I feel awkward bumping into him around town 
remembering all the rubbish SM things i said to him 
how did i get into that with a guy i didnt even fancy ? 
I've told him i don't want any further contact 
and i don't 

the fib are doing stuff to my infrastructures and medical package 
in the hope of forcing me back to Fritz 

the schizophrenics

herded like cattle 
the doors slamming shut behind me 

the schizophrenics

going through all that 
is enough 
to make anyone schizophrenic 

song : a jab in your arse

i got soaked through
theres water in my shoe
 

the last vestiges of reality
slipping away from me
this twisted heart
accused of lying

I feel hurt
that you expected me to do that
you say you didnt ?
at least thats how i felt

they kind of pull you apart
they rip you to pieces
blown to smithereens

n then they hold you down
n jab it in your arse

090817 

the last vestiges of reality 
slipping away from me 

this twisted heart 
accused of lying 

I feel hurt
that you expected me to do that 
you say you didnt ? 
at least thats how i felt 

poem : them ...

050817 / 060817

they kind of pull you apart 
they rip you to pieces 
blown to smithereens 

n then they hold you down
n jab it in your arse  

water in my shoe 
i got soaked through 

song : a dark time

040817

in a dark time
you can write your name 
in the dust 
rust is spreading 
weeds are growing 
they're taking over 
I'm broke 
n i just don't wanna be here 

its just overwhelming to go through that
and very devastating to my state of mind,
its very undermining to have to spend so much time
concentrating on my weaknesses