its well known 
that 'for what its worth' is about Noel 

but did anyone think 
that 'everybody's on the run' is about Liam ? 

song : robots

this grief is like
im gasping for air
and end up breathing water
so im choked up
shocked, invaded

technology equals master of ceremonies turned wally !

its lost its earthy hand - rubbing magic
things are closing in on me
n i never asked to be born

E = MC squared :

technology equals master of ceremonies turned wally ! 

271017 / 281017 / 301017 

its lost its earthy hand - rubbing magic 

things are closing in on me 

i never asked to be born 

251017

this grief is like 
im gasping for air 
and end up breathing water 
so i choke 

shocked, invaded 

song : still taking the valium

still taking the valium
he sounds like someone is being murdered
he sounds like nothing on earth
i can feel it creeping up my spine

there are 2 rottweilers in there
barking their heads off

i know what they are going to say
that I'm up having a bath at 2 in the morning
i sometimes have a quick wash
and i think its a bit creepy
there is a couple next door
lying in bed listening to me having a wash

song : its all my fault

n i don't get no second chance 

feel so shaky 

with a sore and broken heart  

n I'm angry
with this abominable pain
I've lost control 

n i can't fix it
the silence is deafening me
the terror and emptiness
of being alone 

n its my fault
if things go wrong 

is this some sort of punishment ?

i feel so stupid
everybody else
seems to know what to do 

191017

and I've started composing a new tune on the piano
which started last night as i was asleep !
i woke up composing this thing
which i couldn't seem to pin down until later on
i don't remember having a dream like that before
someone from SLAA
said to write down your dreams
and also to relate them to what was happening the day before
i think if you take note of your dreams
and pay attention to them
they can become more lucid and vivid
with complex meanings and stories attached

161017 / 171017 

feeling shaky 

my broken heart 
is so sore 
n i don't get a second chance 

151017 

angry 
this abominable pain 

I've lost control 
n i can't fix it 
the silence is deafening 

the terror and emptiness 
of being alone 

i feel so stupid 
everybody else
knows what to do 
is this some sort of punishment ? 

n its my fault 
if things go wrong 

121017 

i was in love with a spy 
from US military intelligence 
this is where things get really tricky 
because I'm hitting the jackpot ... 

n now theyre after us. One of them showed me 
the story of Barbara Palmer. They're not exactly military men 
but just Machiavellian . N Im in deep water here 
this is why they medicated me ... 

n next thing you know , 
she's put up a post 
with the dates falsified ... 
Lady who ? 

i reckon he's a bit depressed. Probably didnt get enough 
attention as a child. 

Judge not lest ye be judged, it says in the Bible. So does 
that mean we can't judge Donald Trump ? we can't judge him 
and we can't judge Isis either. And yet they are all murdering terrorists. 
im frightened to write this because of what happened before. 
But now you have an audience. Even people with audiences
can be disappeared . 

next thing you know you're in a  wheelchair ... 

111017

my head 
is a roiling cauldron of funk

n i wandered around graveyards 
during the night 

121017

its got a bark like a chainsaw 
n its kept muzzled 

but now I've got the Jane Austen card 

song : dark glass windows version 3

i have no-one to talk to
and no friends

a turmoil of feelings
has burned hole
in my brain

grab the key
while he's asleep
fast as you can

struggle with the lock
or you will be killed
you can't afford
to make a mistake

its a lonely road
in a van
with dark glass windows
you can't see out

i slammed a door
it was all too much

hard times, trauma,
in these times of shock ...

carrying all this pain 

they're too busy being thin
you'd have to be pretty shallow 
to want to stay in this world 

i dug some treasure 
out of this abominable mess 

111017

people are hostile 

i forgot to take my pills 

n i need to wash my hands 

they are bleeding now 

im so confused 

i was arrested 

going for a wee 

in somebody's front garden 

im so ashamed 

they said i'd exposed myself 

n i look a mess 

inappropriately dressed

apparently provocative 

n now its all a blur

i feel so dizzy and paranoid 

guessing your motives 

how am i supposed to know 

what is appropriate ?

i can try to paint it for you

my oils and brushes are there for me 

but then i walked out of a shop 

n i hadnt paid 

my home is like a slum 

people threaten me 

in the street 

they know I'm vulnerable 

they know I'm isolated 

n im paranoid 

so they can get away with it 

once i sat in a bush 
full of rats 
i cry out in pain 

alone in the streets at night 

i get followed 

n i wanna die 

they say I'm deluded 

n nobody wants to know 

that car nearly hit me 

i wasnt looking where to go 

time for a bin liner 

and my blood red lipstick ... 

ghost hunting 
is like getting drunk 


if the ghosts are real
the angels must be too 

troll wars 

" I hope you don't stop posting, you're videos help a lot with my
anxiety. Just do what make you happy!! "

" You help many of us. I watched your channel regularly while I was
stuck in an abusive relationship. I felt I could relate to you and it
brought me comfort. You have come a long way with your channel. I was
happy when you first shared a story in a video. I was also proud of
you when you shared your most painful story about your mother. I cried
and felt a bit of relief for you as you opened up to us. Don't give up
because of some insignificant troll. Your journey of healing is making
great progress and it's more important than them. I know there are
many viewers who agree with me. You are making a difference in not
only your own life, but for others as well. I love you Dear. Don't
give up "

aint nothin goin on 
on da net 

they sat with me while i cried 
and made messy songs 

in the pit of my stomach
i need to speak and sing 
like I'm starving 

n then i froze 
they've found me ... 

im not usually impressed with politicians 
but Jeremy Corbyn said some thing recently 
that i liked 
he said we should have a technology tax 
and make technology serve people 
rather than people serving technology 
and this idea is close to my heart 
i feel things have got out of hand now with the robots ... 

song : dark glass windows

i have no-one to talk to
and no friends 

he sounds so aggressive
its burned hole in my brain

grab the key
while he's asleep
and run
you've got about 30 seconds

if you were too slow
you couldn't unlock the door

its a lonely road
in a van with dark glass windows

shock and trauma
in these hard times ...

song 081017

i have no-one to talk to
and no friends 

a turmoil of feelings
he sounds so aggressive and demonic
its burned hole in my brain

grab the key
while he's asleep
and run
you've got about 30 seconds

you couldn't make mistakes
in that situation
if you were too slow
you couldn't unlock the door
and would be killed

its a lonely road
in a van with dark glass windows
so you couldn't see out

meltdown
i slammed a door today
it all got too much

no no no
it might be dangerous
my voices don't trust you
you're trying to trip me up
and causing me distress

feel shaky and panicky
shock, trauma,
hard times ... 

071017

n i can feel your broken heart 
tugging on mine 

041017 

no no no 
it might be dangerous 
my voices don't trust you
you're trying to trip me up 
you're causing me distress 

i feel like I'm betraying myself 
and who i used to be

041017 

meltdown
i slammed a door today 
it all got too much 

031017 

im fuming 
like we have nothing else
to do with our days 
than a dead end journey 
for our injection 

you're lucky 
if you're home before dark 

i feel drained of all emotion 

its a lonely road 
the ambulance had dark glass windows
so you couldn't see out 

he was looking for me 
at the odd numbers 

roadworks, diversions, 
traffic jams 
fill me with panic 
i am shocked and traumatised 

hopped up on coffee 

Baskerville's corner

031017 

there are 2 dogs at my neighbours tonight 
barking their heads off 
i might have to get intervention from a mediator 

i know what they are going to say 
that i wake them up having a bath at 2 in the morning 
which i don't 
i sometimes have a quick wash 
at about midnight 
and i think its a bit creepy 
there is a couple next door 
lying in bed listening to me having a wash 
and comparing that to dog noise 

their dog is much louder than a hoover ... 
if i were to hoover at 5 in the morning 
I'm sure someone would complain ! 

one time they said i was blowing bubbles in the bath 
probably that was me gargling with mouthwash ! 

my aunt thinks they are taking advantage of me 
because i live on my own ... 

yeah the internet is a bit of a Frankenstein's monster for them ! Judges have been complaining that there is ' trial by social media ' these days with peoples internet chat interfering with their court cases ... great to know we have such power !
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