020218 

n i don't really wanna be here 
cus she's gone 
she has took me with her 
n im zick 

n fear is my default position 

this biting hunger 
alienated , cold inside, 
rigid with shock , traumatised 

that warm motherly feeling 
that i can't have 
i feel like an empty chair 

280518 

i think I've got my wires crossed 
starving for love 

260518

he hasn't phoned 
tears are the rain 
that waters the garden 

260518 

sexual feelings 
are very inconvenient 

n i can't speak
unspeakable things have happened 
that you don't wanna know about 

fancying people 
makes you stupid 
it makes you do bad things 

that freak meditation 
opened a can of bats 

n he's not my type 
in any shape or form 

i had a fantasy 
based around John Terry cheating on his wife 
how sad is that ! 

240518 

my computer wont auto sleep 

the fib are bugging it ? 

200518 / 220518 / 230518 / 250518 

even an animal 
can sense the pressure 

captivity 

my husband has no idea 
what I'm going through 

n if i fancy someone 
i could come unstuck 
n get locked up 
or might have a baby 

n it just killed me 
when he asked me what i do 
it all hit her as she walked up the aisle 

the summer atmosphere all visceral 

a new feeling 
I'm nobody's dogsbody doormat
a nasty girl 

140518 / 150518 170518

i feel like I'm going to explode 
its all about doing doing 
cus we gotta get the job done 

 slammed up in a loony bin 

i jumped out of a window 
and fractured my hip 
because they were watching me 
on their satellite dish 

n i was tiny

song : my cloak of insults

updated 020618 

G                              F
maybe it was all my fault
C                              G
slammed up in a mental home 
G     F      C            G 
i did lie i made it all up 

C                              G
n this is my guilt and shame 
C                            G 
really really painful too 
G                          F
now someone has read my draft 
C                               G 
cus I'm always being watched 

C                               G
sugar caffeine by the ton 
C                          G 
like a hyperactive kid
G             F 
f u fat old les 
C                   G 
n im not even gay 

G                     F 
effing get out of my way 
C                        G
n i take it personally 
C                                        G
i need someone to back me up 
C                                       G
mummy makes me do her stuff 

G                      F 
theres a switch inside my brain 
C                                            G 
now my hairs been all messed up 
G                  F 
im stupid and ridiculous 
C                        G 
n i deserve to be abused 

C                                             G 
hold you down and pull your clothes
C                                        G 
inject you with some utter crap 
G                                 F
i was dribbling at the mouth 
C                                            G 
couldn't breathe and couldn't speak 

130518 140518 

he's got the nark 
cus i wouldn't pay attention 
n I'm fighting for my soul 

there is an epidemic of mental illness 
and guess who gets the brunt of it ! 

slamming doors 
what have you been doing ? 
i just froze 
i felt so naff 

100518 / 110518 / 120518 

im a whole heap a trouble 
talk of the neighbourhood 
' she has men in there ' 

i need attention 
i want to engulf you and possess you 

drifting 

I'm drinking dirty water 

i have to beg borrow and steal 

to get help for my family 

effing move ... 
i tend to take it personally 
and think why me ? 

i need someone to back me up 
n then i owe them something 
my mummy makes me do stuff 
war games 
there's a switch that goes in my brain 

090518 / 100518 120518

like my hair's been messed up 
like tarred and feathered 

i feel a bit sick 


look at her feeling all self righteous 

look at her thinking she's so great 

so better than me 

im a stupid ridiculous person 
of course I'm going to get abused 
i deserve it 
watch her acting all martyred 

maybe it was my fault 
i was slammed up in a mental hospital 
as i did lie and made it all up  

070518 

im so hungry it hurts  adrenal burnout 

a load of caffeine and sugar 
like a hyperactive kid 

050518 

f u 
you fat old les 
this twisted in my stomach 

n im not even gay 

song : morphine

talking to some damaged people 
it fits just like a glove 
this morphine like bliss 
to feel connected 

this is my pathology 
warming my darkest hours 
hand wringing remorse
morbid obsession 

like a dead body myself 
n tell me just what do you do 
mind has gone walkies
can't think what to say 

don't feel at home anywhere 
my stomach is tied up in knots
jittery unstable   
paralysis shock 

when i was a child i dreamed 
a monster took them away 
mother and brother 
drowned at sea   

they departed from our cellar 
n i still don't quite understand 
how its not my fault 
when i wasnt there 

he had to go through that alone 
finding her dead in her room 
his nightmare is mine 
n now i need help 

when i was a child i dreamed 

a monster took them away 

mother and brother 

drowned at sea   

they departed from our cellar 

n i still don't quite understand 

how its not my fault 

when i wasnt there 

010518 / 020518

now the wolves and machine guns 

n this is my guilt and shame 
really really painful 

n probably someone has read my draft !