word jam : look at me now bullies !

bit of a Frankensteins monster these cams 

its a scientific fact 
that there are frequencies 
we've not yet discovered 

alien intelligence 
is right here on your doorstep 

there are different types of intelligence 
and i don't have your sort  

just briefly this evening
I feel my head above the waves
some kind of a new sense of right and wrong 
above the waves you find a tranquil place 
above the clouds
where we are causing things to happen 
but we got bored there 
and jumped into the drama 

there are unseen forces pulling strings 
making energies generated by people 
producing very powerful frequencies

the wickedness of her literally 
and yet shes innocent 
because she says shes a bad person 
you just have to forgive her child like play 
even if it crosses you 
the race is on to see which one forgives 
n I have to give her my beloved 
because shes young

n I deserve it cus I'm no better 
shes tiny, n one must not be bitter 

tune out tune out

she went from hip hop to classically trained 

and I wasnt really so impressed with her pop songs 
but this movie trailer
will go down in history ! 

and rarely do gothic and classical collide like this 
so its very fine art and also darker and more scary 
than classical ever is 

and you wonder what has happened to her 
that she has this dark stuff about her 
and I think still darker stuff yet 

diamond

her voice sounds like a cut glass chandelier
and she wrote it to be closer to death 
as she stands defiant lifting her chin 
look at me now , bullies ... 

artistic romance 
of all the drama and the pain and laughter
that mental illness has brought 
the smudged make up
laughing and crying like that !

sometimes I miss it all 

n death will feel
like the most natural thing in the world 

290220

bit of a Frankensteins monster these cams 

280220 

its a scientific fact 
that there are frequencies 
we've not yet discovered 

alien intelligence 
is right there on your doorstep 

280220

there are different types of intelligence 
and i don't have your sort 

280220 

actually just briefly this evening I feel my head is above the waves
yes I have some kind of a new sense of morality going on
above the waves you find a benign place
above the clouds
where we are causing the things that happen to us
n man got bored 
with being in Heaven 

n decided to create a drama 

280220

people dont realise, they think they have things fixed
they are sorted, they have power and confidence

when there are unseen forces pulling strings
and producing energies that are not usually conscious entities
they are rather energies generated by people
that produce very powerful frequencies

270220 

n death will feel
like the most natural thing in the world 

270220

the wickedness of her literally
and yet shes innocent
because she says shes a bad person
you just have to forgive her child like play
even if it crosses you
the race is on to see which one forgives
n I have to give her my beloved
because shes young

n I deserve it cus I'm no better
shes tiny, n one must not be bitter

tune out tune out 

270220 

open hearted 

260220


Just been reading about her
following watching No Time to Die on the Brit awards
I think its more usual to start off classically trained
and then go more hip hop
but she seems to be the other way round

and I wasnt really so impressed with her pop songs
but the James Bond theme song she has written
will go down in history !

and rarely do gothic and classical collide as in this
so that its very fine art and also darker and more scary
than classical ever is

and you start wondering what happened to her
that she has this dark mental health stuff
going on about her ,
with Tourettes and synesthesia

and I think still darker stuff yet

250220

diamond

I listened again to Billie Eilisih No Time to Die
its one of the most awesome things ive ever heard
her voice sounds like a cut glass chandelier

and she wrote it herself

to be closer to death 

as she stands defiant lifting her chin 

look at me now , bullies ... 

250220

diamond

I listened again to Billie Eilisih No Time to Die
its one of the most awesome things ive ever heard
her voice sounds like a cut glass chandelier

and she wrote it herself


ive watched the beginning of Joker
and I think its awesome too
it makes me feel very romantic, not in a couple sense
in an artistic sense it makes me feel proud

of all the drama and the pain and laughter
that mental illness has brought me,

Ive got videos of me with smudged make up
laughing and crying like that !

sometimes I miss it all !

and one hell of a load of old cars ! 

word jam : a near crash on the road

the dying swan asks 
am i not still beautiful  
when I'm hurt is my life over ? 

love that just is 
a state of being 
leading nowhere 

love bombing do i do that ? 

I feel grief as we seem to have lost contact
or maybe we are just floating around
enjoying our freedom

I feel like ive lost him
grasping at something that cant be tethered 

im worried ill just jump his bones 
in one fell swoop 

the frequency of channel love 

and my bus nearly crashed 
when a car slowly pulled out 

a right pantomime today 
I'm going offline 

I wrote down what I felt
anger , rage, worry, tension
deep breaths 
with emotions hitting hard

every movement is like lifting a boulder 
my legs feel like logs

some of what the voices said was true 
partner control 

i saw an alien today 
his eyes  were so gentle          
with a soft smile 

he says the 70s 80s and 90s 
had a similar feel to them 

the loss of all 
that makes us warm and human 

coal and wood 

210220 

love bombing 

do i do that ? 

210220 

my legs are like tree trunks 

200220

I feel grief as we seem to have lost contact
or maybe we are just floating around
enjoying our freedom

I feel like ive lost him

not sure if the grief is part of the relationship
or the end of the relationship

grasping at something that cant be tethered

love that just is
a state of being
leading nowhere 

200220 

im worried ill just jump his bones 
in one fell swoop 

200220 

the 70s 80s and 90s 
had a similar feeling to them 

post millennium 
its only techie stuff 

180220 

i saw an alien today 
his eyes  were so gentle          
with a soft smile 

180220 

everything the voices told me was true 

n I've been twin souls 
with other people 

160220 

the frequency of channel love 

the woman pulls back like a bow 
to shoot the arrow 

pays less attention to him 
is concerned with her social life 

men tend to initiate the relationship 
while women initiate sex 
because of needing to be ready 

150220

a right pantomime today

I wrote down what I felt
anger , rage, worry, tension
deep breaths 

with emotions hitting hard

word jam : Storm Valentine

theres a scrap of life 
going on inside of me ! 

it was a clear night 
and the owls call 
echoed off the heavens  
like a woody flute 

anyone goes outside and stares into a star 
to get information and love ? 
today it said that all things are connected 
the stars can see all the things that go on here 
and all the things that ever were 

i play one guy 
off against another 
cus im insecure
and have low self esteem 

and frightened they will cheat on me 

and i don't think anyone would want me 
if they knew what i was really like 

people being themselves 
are shockingly attractive 
they are terrifying 
without posing any danger 

like light 
is only there to be found
i heard my heart snap 

more often its some kind of ' performance ' issue 
or they had an impatient partner before 

the Doors can get right down into the depression with you  
to find out whats in there 

so in theory they say these days 
that a woman should be able to say she wants to stop 
at any point in a sexual act 
or a man can too 

but how many people have the discipline 
to either stop the roller coaster 
or to say they want to stop the roller coaster 

the deeper you get, 
the more difficult it is to say I wanna stop 

stopping and starting , pause
long pause , short pause,  

like raise the Kundalini 
and keep left ! 

n i wanna do 
what i wanna do 

140220 

theres a scrap of life 
going on inside of me ! 

it was a clear night 
and the owls call 
echoed off the heavens  
like a woody flute 

140220

anyone goes outside and stares into a star
to get information and love ?

today it said that all things are connected

another time its said
that you cannot get rid of the Taliban

the stars can see all the things that go on here
and all the things that have ever gone on

130220 

i play one guy 
off against another 
cus im insecure
and have low self esteem 

and frightened they will cheat on me 

and i don't think anyone would want me 
if they knew what i was really like 

people being themselves 
are shockingly attractive 
they are terrifying 
without posing any danger 

n i wanna do 
what i wanna do 

130220 

like light 
is only there to be found 

130220 

i heard my heart snap 

110220

ive noticed that men with erectile problems, and the like
seem to function perfectly ok on their own !
so while it can have a physical cause ,
more often its some kind of ' performance ' issue
or they have had an impatient partner in the past
that causes their member to retreat !

100220 

the Doors can get right down into the depression with you  
to find out whats in there 

100220

so in theory they say these days
that a woman should be able to say she wants to stop
at any point in a sexual act

well obviously a man should be able to say
that he wants to stop as well
stop the sex or the relationship or whatever

but how many people have the discipline
to either stop the roller coaster
or to say they want to stop the roller coaster

the deeper you get,
the more difficult it is to say I want to stop
and I dont hear this spoken about very much

maybe a good exercise if you have a partner
is to practice stopping and starting , pausing
long pause , short pause,
as a way to promote communication and open-ness

so that it doesnt become a performance and lose feeling

090220 

all these years later,
I looked at how I cross myself
and I notice I go top to bottom
then left to right

maybe should be bottom to top
and right to left !

like raise the Kundalini
and keep left !

my aunt says God isn't interested
in how we cross ourselves
its whats in your heart thats important

word jam : playing games

id like someone to set me free  
i wasnt looking for a date 
it just crept up on me 
turns my sour grapes to wine 

if i say the wrong thing 
i wont get my lovin 

maybe he doesnt want to have to pay for love with sex 

pizza used to mean deeper forms of surveillance
what a hassle this is, do you have any pizza ? no ? 
your famous pizza with the mushrooms and garlic ? "
we can move to Mars, we can always go back to Mars
doesnt mean she is not being looked after

they want footage of my breakdown

getting the guns out 
going up the big hills 
all I do is take 

look past them, tap your nose 
glance into their eyes 

signalling that I'm aware of them 
without looking like a nutter

when i open up my feelings 
i don't know whats in there 

so i beat around the bush 
n play games 

I didnt know the Victorians had flowery stuff 
apart from the wallpaper 
some of my relatives lived in Northumberland 
in big creepy houses  
with flowery paper peeling off the walls  

I was actually frightened of ghosts in there 
there were two staircases 
so that the air was blowing around 
creaking open the doors

spoiler alert 
the Author is about to predict 
your future for you   

I'm going to need about 4 hours to process that  
breathing fire like a dragon 

I'm following him around 
like a love sick puppy 
copying what he does 

learning from the pain 
he wants to just be friends 

and then there was a snake on the floor

pizza used to mean deeper forms of surveillance
what a hassle this is, do you have any pizza ? no ?
your famous pizza with the mushrooms and garlic ? "
we can move to Mars, we can always go back to Mars
doesnt mean she is not being looked after

footage of my breakdown

getting the guns out
going up the big hills
all I do is take

look past them, tap your nose
glance into their eyes

signalling that I'm aware of them
without looking like a nutter

060220 

when i open up my feelings 
i don't know whats in there 

so i beat around the bush 
n play games 

020220 

I didnt know the Victorians had flowery stuff 
apart from the wallpaper 
some of my relatives lived in Northumberland 
in big creepy houses that smelled of mould 
with flowery paper peeling off the walls  

I was actually frightened of ghosts in there 
there were two staircases 
so that the air was blowing around 
creaking open the doors

030220 

getting the guns out 
going up the big hills 
all i do is take ?

look past them, tap your nose 
glance into their eyes ! 

030220 

spoiler alert 
the Author is about to predict 
your future for you   

I'm going to need about 4 hours to process that  
im breathing fire like a dragon 

020220 

I'm following him around 
like a love sick puppy 
copying what he does 

learning 

word jam : post Brexit Britain

sworn at twice today on the bus 
while trying to help a disabled man 

awake and asleep 
at the same time 

maybe if we're both being flash mobbed 
it might explain 
why he hasn't contacted me 

theres a gift of stars for me somewhere 
some of them can only be seen 
when you look away 

he is funny and relaxed and flirty in a humorous way 
I feel as if we have ' chemistry ' 
I also think I have met him before online 
when he wasnt single 
he's a very loving and affectionate person 
with a big open heart 
and I could do with some of that ! 

bit of a question mark 
over his age 

but would still go for coffee as a friend ! 

not smooth 

receiving love 
is like sunshine warming you
on a cold day 
sinking into your skin 

penetrating through to your heart 

four dimensional wooden things 
with a grainy texture 

sounds of geese flying overhead 
i can hear the spirits again 

solo curious 


to be honest some of my best experiences in life 
have been on my own 
no performance issues 
no expectations, disagreements , resentments 

no self consiousness 


a friend offered to come with me 
on my paragliding trip 
and I said no 
because I didnt want to be thinking 
about how I would look from the outside 
when I'm trying to concentrate on whats going on inside  

wayhey ! 
I'm being free, I'm being myself,  
just glancing over my shoulder 
to see if he approves     

i fallen in love 
n i all moochy 
n turning a blind eye to things 
he can do no wrong 

020220 

sworn at twice today on the bus 
while trying to help a disabled man 
is this post Brexit Britain ?