301120
guy no 6 has fallen for a specially prepared bot
which includes doping by watching films of me
and having lawyers trawl through my confidential posts
so they won and he is gawn
of course the bot wont be actually sleeping with him ...
the harpie Nic and cloud clockwork and bisto are not welcome to read my blog or use me in any way , there are thoughts in your own head huns
301120
ive had an idea for a ' grounding chair '
maybe made of wicker
with cusions with textures like corduroy and bobbly fabrics
and some drawers or shelves down the side
with intersting objects made from natural materials
like loofah , sea sponges, and wooden shapes, rattles etc
plus some little books of mindful exercises
like the one where you notice all the objects of one colour
so you can sit there and re-connect
Sunday, 29 November 2020
Saturday, 28 November 2020
291120
people are very frightened of mental illness
less movement in this one
sometimes stillness
just focusing on how rude we are to each other
when you like someone that much
that you just explode
n then you eat less after such a feast
which hits you right in the stomach
making you wince with pleasure
like a massage from inside
producing some sort of seizure
n no point copying our games.
he might want to play something else with you
n maybe orgasms hold the key
to the origins of the universe
29112
the moral treatment
was discarded around the beginning of the last century
you could be committed for cheating on your husband
the mentally ill are always in danger of being enslaved
even trying to get a coffee with someone
meeting people can be very taboo and shocking
forced into treatment and left to think about it on our own !
with other humans tantalisingly out of reach
we can only imagine
ts not always the families fault
if the younger members head for the wilderness
might be to do with an epidemic of harmful behaviours
the triggers coming other trends
which they wish to buck free of
more face to face therapy needed
291120
we were in the hay barn when it happened
dressing a shire horse
in the end im not entirely sure who it was
i dissociated it seems in a blackout
he made a big burned hole in me
entirely blackened
i have grief for number two
now that its over i miss him but cant go back
you can never go backwards
word jam : something to hide
i have something to hide
where state surveillance is concerned ...
transparency ?
no mystery around then ...
I was thinking of that word as well today
my claim to oddness was dreams about people
that I had not met,
that I then went on to meet
guy no 2 and i have alot in common
but not much of a rapport
guy no 2 and i have alot in common
but not much of a rapport
mrs mango mashed miss mumps mercilessly
they waits until everyones gone to bed
before hatching a plan to send round the white coats
on pretext she had a desperate call from him ...
i know because the same thing happened to me
n every effing night a fresh plan
to kidnap no six !
i know i dont have privacy
because people know things i havent told them
I can relate to being pestered every 5 minutes
and plied with memes
and i will not forget
how you tried to force my hand
n yeah i see his point about sensitivity
when ive just shared an orgasm with somoene
and im acting like nothings happened
but he would like my salad pesto recipe
how on earth will we know what the guy wants
if yous keep trying to force him ? !
lubricant thanks ha ha !
one of the issues with the digital age
is you no longer have the opportunity
to think something through before you announce it
things can be stolen even as you draft them
guy no 3 was very concerned
that people be in touch with their feelings
he was much beloved of me
they say i have morning sickness ?
maybe im hebephrenic
when i caused myself gbh
i was saying perhaps
that technology cannot take away suffering ...
would i like to live in the future ?
not with a world thats all about automation
and proof and science that no longer needs
to value the poet's opinion no
no im not back with guy no 3 , not yet
my feelings for guy no 6 are in the way of that
I like weird and wacky things
and have designed a knicker mask
i know this seems to contradict my values
its the sprites what did it
I'm shrodingers cat
and its unethical to just objectify me
serendipity
n young people these days
are throwing parties where they just flirt
and swear at each other with no music
like coprolalia mate
n this is not a manifesto
a reminder to the ladies ...
a glass or two of soya milk
will raise your oestrogen levels
im a tortoise w 2 heads
its not what you think
jumping beans , bubble pop
the Author wants to know
why is she not free to tryfor my affections ?
n i have never hurt her
she is maverick but not for me
i covered up the web cam when i needed to
being lacerated in the wilderness
im having out of body experiences
because of the lockdown ? going into other dimensions ?
n im reaching for him like mothers milk
the centre of the earh imploded
Aurora Borealis pumping out stars
from a black hole wimpering effulgence
the space ship doors opened in the eerie light
n druggies give you visions
of aliens n toxic psychosis like Bowie
moonglade , yip ,
strikhedonia , unisex, shinrin yoku
they waits until everyones gone to bed
before hatching a plan to send round the white coats
on pretext she had a desperate call from him ...
i know because the same thing happened to me
n every effing night a fresh plan
to kidnap no six !
i know i dont have privacy
because people know things i havent told them
I can relate to being pestered every 5 minutes
and plied with memes
and i will not forget
how you tried to force my hand
n yeah i see his point about sensitivity
when ive just shared an orgasm with somoene
and im acting like nothings happened
but he would like my salad pesto recipe
how on earth will we know what the guy wants
if yous keep trying to force him ? !
lubricant thanks ha ha !
one of the issues with the digital age
is you no longer have the opportunity
to think something through before you announce it
things can be stolen even as you draft them
guy no 3 was very concerned
that people be in touch with their feelings
he was much beloved of me
they say i have morning sickness ?
maybe im hebephrenic
when i caused myself gbh
i was saying perhaps
that technology cannot take away suffering ...
would i like to live in the future ?
not with a world thats all about automation
and proof and science that no longer needs
to value the poet's opinion no
no im not back with guy no 3 , not yet
my feelings for guy no 6 are in the way of that
I like weird and wacky things
and have designed a knicker mask
i know this seems to contradict my values
its the sprites what did it
I'm shrodingers cat
and its unethical to just objectify me
serendipity
n young people these days
are throwing parties where they just flirt
and swear at each other with no music
like coprolalia mate
n this is not a manifesto
a reminder to the ladies ...
a glass or two of soya milk
will raise your oestrogen levels
im a tortoise w 2 heads
its not what you think
jumping beans , bubble pop
the Author wants to know
why is she not free to tryfor my affections ?
n i have never hurt her
she is maverick but not for me
i covered up the web cam when i needed to
being lacerated in the wilderness
im having out of body experiences
because of the lockdown ? going into other dimensions ?
n im reaching for him like mothers milk
the centre of the earh imploded
Aurora Borealis pumping out stars
from a black hole wimpering effulgence
the space ship doors opened in the eerie light
n druggies give you visions
of aliens n toxic psychosis like Bowie
moonglade , yip ,
strikhedonia , unisex, shinrin yoku
Thursday, 26 November 2020
salad pesto
251120
salad pesto :
rocket watercress raw spinach
nearly a whole bulb of garlic
and a round goats cheese
small packet of basil
3 tbsp cold pressed oil , enough water
to make a paste in the blender
Tuesday, 24 November 2020
Monday, 23 November 2020
Sunday, 22 November 2020
word jam : the emo kid scene
so not OK for the woman to help the man ?
still in survival mode beneath the glass floor
the cam girl managed to create an emotional lockdown
which was really impressive
im trying to see how long we can keep it up
emptying overthinking, mandala
learning to give yourself unconditional love
is one of the hardest things I find
even if you have had it
because I get enough aggravation and challenge in my life
I've actually had the opportunity to act out
most of my unacceptable ideas actually
apart from expressing my anger
sorry Scarey that was before i went into treatment
i hadnt actually met the guy
I'm almost not used to company now
I'm turning into a wolf !!!
learning to give yourself unconditional love
is one of the hardest things I find
even if you have had it
because I get enough aggravation and challenge in my life
I've actually had the opportunity to act out
most of my unacceptable ideas actually
apart from expressing my anger
sorry Scarey that was before i went into treatment
i hadnt actually met the guy
I'm almost not used to company now
I'm turning into a wolf !!!
I used to be in some kind of straight edge emo kid scene
maybe the Author is after the property
is playing by yourself a selfish act
or a responsible act ?
no the cam girl is still abusing me
and has teamed up with the Author
watches non consensual material of me ...
yarn, blancmange, pickled eggs she says
some of which is racist
there was one time the Author posted me
a newspaper cutting which said
' all men are rapists ! '
my stalker is in some ways a very nice lady
generous even
some men are very soft and should not feel bad about it
you know and then we tell them they are not sensitive !
watching the match between guy no 6 other contenders
sins of omission
guy no 6 is feeling broody
and i cant deliver on that front
so he has joined in a venomous tirade against me
he's reacting from his hormones
hormones are a choppy roller coaster
and as ive said before im not taking on the Author
have you ever felt you were switching chairs with the therapist ? !
lest they ' dump their own stuff ' back on the client
he could contact me though
in real life and suggest a coffee
with physical contact being off the table
i suppose we could explore the ' bases ' idea of olden times
we have lost the right to peaceful protest
maybe his ex had germs sprayed through the open window
i know shes after the peachy head
there would have to be supply and demand
in order for there to be a bubble
well not all economies are based on bubble systems
for instance some live in a needs based economy
I thought the free market was a bit regulated
or is that all out the window with Brexit and covid too !
im not sqeamish about bodies myself
and how we smell and that
maybe the Author is after the property
is playing by yourself a selfish act
or a responsible act ?
no the cam girl is still abusing me
and has teamed up with the Author
watches non consensual material of me ...
yarn, blancmange, pickled eggs she says
some of which is racist
there was one time the Author posted me
a newspaper cutting which said
' all men are rapists ! '
my stalker is in some ways a very nice lady
generous even
some men are very soft and should not feel bad about it
you know and then we tell them they are not sensitive !
watching the match between guy no 6 other contenders
sins of omission
guy no 6 is feeling broody
and i cant deliver on that front
so he has joined in a venomous tirade against me
he's reacting from his hormones
hormones are a choppy roller coaster
and as ive said before im not taking on the Author
have you ever felt you were switching chairs with the therapist ? !
lest they ' dump their own stuff ' back on the client
he could contact me though
in real life and suggest a coffee
with physical contact being off the table
i suppose we could explore the ' bases ' idea of olden times
we have lost the right to peaceful protest
maybe his ex had germs sprayed through the open window
i know shes after the peachy head
there would have to be supply and demand
in order for there to be a bubble
well not all economies are based on bubble systems
for instance some live in a needs based economy
I thought the free market was a bit regulated
or is that all out the window with Brexit and covid too !
im not sqeamish about bodies myself
and how we smell and that
Friday, 20 November 2020
201120
why did we not talk about the ideal self ?
because I was too far down for that ... goals were mentioned lightly
if at all and my self esteem is still damaged in fact
still in survival mode beneath the glass floor
learning to give yourself unconditional love
is one of the hardest things in life I find
even if you have had it at a young age
I've not been happy with gestalt methods in therapy
because I get enough aggravation and challenge in my life
and I expect unconditional self regard from a therapist or support worker
I'm sorry people have found your sensitivities unacceptable
thats particularly a guy thing I think , yes I see what you mean
I've actually had the opportunity to act out
most of my unacceptable thoughts actually in my illness
apart from directly expressing anger which is a bit of a girl thing
I guess people write novels in order to act out
what they are too afraid to
Thursday, 19 November 2020
Wednesday, 18 November 2020
Tuesday, 17 November 2020
Monday, 16 November 2020
Sunday, 15 November 2020
131120
there would have to be supply and demand
in order for there to be a bubble
just depends on whether its stable or choppy
i am good enough just as I am !
well not all economies are based on bubble systems
for instance the disabled live in a needs based economy
which is a little more stable, well just a bit
I thought the free market was a bit regulated
or is that all out the window with Brexit and covid too !
audacity from a schizophrenic I know
word jam : peachy head
would gestalt be helpful for sensitive people ?
to explore their co-dependency issues
in a relatively stable environment ?
well sometimes change happens in the reverse order
this wave of ignorance did reach
even to the mental health systems
with premature pressure to work
and I did seriously injure myself over this
and because of the pizza tricks
populists are seeking to demolish
all the human rights we have built up over centuries
octopus dependent , clones , horsemeat ?
or my time machine ?
his ex thanks and hugs me
for the non consensual video of me she used
my stalker
claims im harrassing her
n yeah look the pizza trick has borked our relationship
and is giving us reductive stereotypes
i just cant have a commitment it seems
because of what people would do with that on the internet
sometimes older people have experiences
that they have alone because they are so intense
a deep magical trance
n not only that the cam girl was a social worker
linked to my medical team !
hacking into my mail box
with a guy i had been seeing making fun of me
inside my mail box with spams !
getting hammered
n yeah maybe im one of the seas north of Canada
by the looks of things
the Beaufort Sea
with Chucky the Author and someone else
dirty pigs, play dirty, explicit
k i take your point about the speeches guy no 6 ! ha ha
n i am trying to protect him
but how would anyone get sweet with the author
when all she wants is me
who knows, mabye going for coffee with her
might bring you blessings and victories
n i apologise to Scarey
for not forgiving him , i was too ill
Scarey darling, always in my heart
funko pop dolls red hood hop scotch defensive
in 2013 i jumped out of a first floor window
and fractured my hip
because of the use of surveillance and hacking
and very deep invasion of privacy
it also turned out later on
it was a protest about mental health
and the way that its treated
echo chamber double analogy
unlikely in a confined space
where social distancing is not possible
id be spitting saliva at you
embarrassing a traumatic experience
will this happen fast enough
before we freeze over ?
been googling like mad
trying to keep up with the election threads !
I like to think I can appear plausible with the best of them !
playing devils advocate and that
double jeopardy , free fall
clawing at the walls
n this is what sex is like in the afterlife
apart from he has a higher sex drive than me
stormy with glimpses of stars
delerious
rock n roll
reaching for the sky
n oh yes there was a supernova at one point
it was really cosmic n we bonded
im actually quite scared
its like being kicked in the back like a zither
i wandered off a bit
but i didnt want to betray him
so i steered myself back
it happened later on
and now its properly finished
ooh yeah baby
honking like a chimp
like a monkey
pounding bass of my heart
crack of lightening
still not finished
need to do more exercise
its too intense
and therefore coming out in stages
thank you
seems like a veil over it all,
I feel that someone has already decided the outcome
at we are seeing is just puppets , cloak
n dagger isn't it
His real hope was to force the decision into the Supreme Court,
n yeah needs a narrow margin
but where is all the celebrating ?
when its not he who will pull out the final rabbit
and there is scope for reverse psychology
You didn't see the multiple videos of people celebrating?!?!
8 hours ago a video showed people celebrating
a projected win
its rare for anyone to succeed in challenging the lawmakers
even clones
n the peachy head is looking small