010221

psycatterist 

 

 

 

310121

well sod it I'm giving some honest feedback in the written work

not only do I have to establish ' a trusting relationship ' in 8 weeks
which then ends , I ask them never to tell anyone what I've said to them

and then I start steering them towards their work goals !

and not so long ago I was on the receiving end of this process
when I phoned the wellbeing hub for support during the first lockdown !

I was becoming very unwell from the isolation
and was asked to talk about my goals for getting into work !

the person who wrote this course doesn't understand how ill some people are
and I'm not sure you could get much iller than I was

300121 

 

i think ' you will own nothing ' 

is the right wing taking the piss out of the left 

basically you guys dont believe in property 

so you wont have any 

and we will own it all ! 

300121

 

another exciting day for baby mother 

watching my every move on satellite 

with no thought for a conflict of interests

or any other type of professional boundary 

just picking up a few tips from her prisoner 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

300121 

sexual empaths 

300121 

now i today have been collecting some more music tracks
that to me sound like love, like for instance Jimi Hendrix
the wind cries mary , its the melting sound of guitar
sounds like somoenes heart and soul melting into the music

300121

Riders on the Storm is like to me it shows you through your depression

to the love on the other side of it

rather than running away from the depression 

 

 

 

 

 

 290121 

zoombarrased 

 

i coined this before 7.30 pm 

it doesnt appear on google 

 

 

 

 

 

280121 2155

they are threatening to take number six 

and force him to have sex with the norwegian mercenary 

because this will be deemed more of a treat for him

and break down my desire to defend him 

 

 

 

 

 

280121 

 

i didnt answer midnight with one word 

it was a sentence 

and its now her call 

i suspect she is much older than she says 

and trying to turn me into a lesbian

280121 2103

 

if hes gone and slept with her in real life 

then thats the end of us

because hes already done that with someone else 

 

and what i did in 2007 wasnt cold blooded revenge 

 

 

 

 

280121

Amanda Gormans poetry performance at the inauguration
was a bit New Agey I thought

the New Order is a right wing thang

 

 

 

 

 

280121

number six was sent a video from a friend the other day 

which he found rather inspiring ... 

im only just starting to get over it 

 

 

 

 

 280121

spam actresses outside my window 

which helps baby mother to stay off the sweet treats 

 

 

 

 270121

baby mother sent spam actresses 

to harrass me at the supermarket 

really draining 

 

 

 

 

 270121 update

what can i put in a forbidden fruit pie ? 

spanish oranges brie grapes  

yoghurt , chocolate , 

raspberries strawberries redcurrents 

 

 

 

 

 260121

n yeah i cant bring myself to read articles about banking 

and large corporations , ive unwatched the thread 

 

 

 

 

260121

as they say , nobody gets out of medical schoo

with their souls intact 

 

 

 

 

260121

I think unrealistic expectations plays a big part yes
I've had boyfriends with that problem
and women get performance anxiety too

forgetting that its all a form of communication at its best ...

 

 

 

 

 

260121

I remember groups of us as teenagers
would sometimes get hold of a magazine or a video tape for a dare
and because it was funny and entertaining
and crack ourselves up laughing

these days it seems that porn might mean
watching someone you know
either a cam girl or a friend / ex partner
handing you a video electronically

which is a different ball game really if you are in a relationship
and ' worrying about your partner watching porn '
has different connotations these days I think
as there is less likely to be transparency around it

why can't people just use their imaginations
then nobody would have to know about it



in some ways it has been educational
in my life and entertaining
the old school of porn
where you would go into an adult shop feeling very daring
and buy a video tape or a dvd and sharing it with giggling friends

what I mean is in recent years there is something more sinister
with instant web cam services , revenge porn
and the ease with which someone can send you a video of themselves
so that when someone says they watch porn
its not entirely clear what kind of porn they mean

and then I get this thought ' something has been taken from me
I can't even remember what it was '

260121

sure the new order 

can accommodate some tax hikes 

 

 

 

 

 250121

babyholics 

 

 

 

 250121

Nijinsky , ballet, ballerina,  choreography , 

 

 

 

 

 250121

apparently they are going to torture number six 

and force him to marry baby mother 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 250121

my brain power is mostly used up by my course right now 

 

 

 

 

250121  17.35

 

the norwegian hench woman is defending people 

who do tax avoidance at a high level 

240121

Trakkie Jammies , or Trakkie Jamas 

for the zoom generation , straight from bed to zoom meeting 

 

 

 

 

word jam : The Death of the New Age

people are always boasting about their tax islands
i cant belive thats only a few people
 
what can i put in a forbidden fruit pie ?
spanish oranges brie grapes 
yoghurt , chocolate ,
raspberries strawberries redcurrents

so the new age was building up for a long time , for about six decades
people were freedom fighters , there was the swinging 60s
there was Woodstock and Glastonbury
there were peaceful demonstrations , online petitions
and then there was Extinction Rebellion
people gluing themselves to the pavements
in defence of Mother Earth
feeling an amazing energy pass between them

and now there is the New Order
with people all working from home, banking online
and doing everything at home
its all zoom meetings and banking
and keeping away from other people
its all sanitised and clinical when you go into shops
the New Age has been wiped off the face of the earth
 
stare into the moon
and see who you really love most 

but also perhaps guys need some assistance sometimes
rather than having to be the hero all the time

the Clint Eastwood taking the blows from the ladies
maybe they've had enough of it
surely its simples to just not separate families at the border
why is that even a debate ? 

i was doing my course homework
while sticking my beak in here 

or a loud grunt 

when the toothpaste is stuck 
 


why do they have to join two teabags together in the first place !
 
strong witchcraft strong insecurities strong negging

as I went through my front door 
my brain said to me ' you're scum ' !!! 



where does this even come from ?


I don't even remember being told that by anyone 



i was slapped in hosptial 3 times by women actually
one time on the bum which i complianed about
that woman kept trying to touch me when i went past
 
then I might talk about it to my therapist
and realise that I don't want to cheat on him
but its like I'm closer to my therapist than the boyfriend ha ha

when I was admitted to hospital in 2013
I thought I was arrested as a spy
and that all the other patients were either spies
or people there to spy on the spies !

I thought there were celebtities after me
and I would shout at the up to the ceiling



I had a Zimmer frame at one point in hospital due to an injury 


we put music on in the lounge and did crazy dances 


I waved my Zimmer frame in the air !

because the contents of my head
wil always be enough to put someone off !
 
i think if you set your sights firmly on your dreams
you will know what to say to your old boss
 
i never see the owls only hear
they turn up very very late here , like 2 am or something

next time i will listen harder to see what they are saying ! <
 
arent yous just gettting revenge on men
for what other men have done ? 
 
 feeling each others hands
the fear of coming unstuck 
 
incredibly intimate sexual minds
concentrating on the details  
able to let go 
im not going to respond to that !
 
tearing through me like a wheel of fire
 
the way to redeem a woman is to give her a baby ?
i dont think so some how !
 hes not coming from a patriarchal hierarchy  

n so peaceful after
like Lennon and Yoko

make sex not war

 ive done the teabag test where work is concerned
 
sometimes i buy mens clothes
for that boyfriend jumper feeling
 
imagine you are standing in warm spring sunshine 

outside 
in a nice place 


and the sunshine is going first into your heart 


and then spreading throughout your body 

is what love feels like
 
a new me every day ! is what recovery brings me
when ive turned over another stone
there are worms and insects and i dig further ...

not kiss n tell
lay back and think of England ? 

and i wonder what she thinks of Abraham Lincoln ?
 
we sprayed Donalds Trumps
with peach scented air freshener
and after shave 

like a subterranean lake
lit by shafts of light 

apparently im good at making pizza
although i have never offered to

and I've not opened a dvd package


a bull in a china shop
smashing my chandelier

i imagined number two was my husband
and i was cheating on him with number six

we were in the dining room
at my grandpas house
under the chandelier
he gets me on the table
and then the velvet sofa

my screams smash the crystals 
an explosion of colour and light

magic is made of contrasts
make sex not war

and they thought i was submissive !

im completely flattened 
a bit queasy and sick
 
 its difficult to walk afterwards

 240121

its difficult to walk afterwards 

 

 

 

 240121

people are always boasting about their tax islands 

i cant belive thats only a few people 

 

 

 

 240121

what can i put in a forbidden fruit pie ? 

spanish oranges brie grapes  

yoghurt , chocolate ,

 

 

 

 

230121

so the new age was building up for a long time , for about six decades
people were freedom fighters , there was the swinging 60s
there was Woodstock and Glastonbury
there were peaceful demonstrations , online petitions
and then there was Extinction Rebellion
people gluing themselves to the pavements
in defence of Mother Earth
feeling an amazing energy pass between them

and now there is the New Order
with people all working from home, banking online
and doing everything at home
its all zoom meetings and banking
and keeping away from other people
its all sanitised and clinical when you go into shops
the New Age has been wiped off the face of the earth

the Aquarian Age must have passed so whats next ?

230121

I don't think following your dreams
depends on you getting one particular opportunity

its just holding on to them and doing them

your devotion to animals is eternal
regardless of what opportunities you get







 

230121

 

stare into the moon 

and see who you really love most  

we were in the dining room 

at my grandpas house 

under the chandelier 

he gets me on the table 

and then the velvet sofa 

my screams smash the crystals  

an explosion of colour and light 

magic is made of contrasts 

make sex not war 

and they thought i was submissive ! 

im completely flattened  

a bit queasy and sick 

and we have a variant strain of Brexit 

230121

there are different kinds of Moslems

some of them believe in being kind to everyone

I think you are a gentle soul

you also did task me with calming you down !

but also perhaps guys need some assistance sometimes

rather than having to be the hero all the time

the Clint Eastwood taking the blows from the ladies

maybe they've had enough of it

surely its simples to just not separate families at the border 

why is that even a debate ? 

i was doing my course homework 

while sticking my beak in here 

 

maye he needs a chucky doll 

 

 

 

 

 

230121

just saying but the limescale remover tablet did my head in today
trying to remove it from its cellophane
you know that last straw thing that finally makes you say a swear word !

or a loud grunt when the toothpaste is stuck

or you have to separate two teabags
why do they have to join two teabags together in the first place !

Bob Mortimer said thats what showbiz is like !

 

230121

a bull in a china shop 

smashing my chandelier 

 

 

 

 

230121

its possible to believe in womens rights 

without being anti men 

 

 

 

 

 220121

another thing people dont see 

is that the cam girl is two steps ahead of number two 

he doesnt see it 

 

 

 

 220121

amyl nitrate 

 

 

 

220121

babyholic

 

 

 

 220121 

strong witchcraft 

strong insecurities  

strong negging

220121

 

soft skills is what i mean by a progressive business model 

that is non machiavellian 

and about co-opetition and besting 

rather than trying to do away with your component 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 210121

me too im quite easily triggered 

 

 

 

 

 210121

there are plans to have number six electructed going on 

and yous wonder why we cant get off this merry go round ! 

in the good old days people met up and made mistakes 

and lived , they formed relationships and ended them 

and nobody is able to sort out this mess now

 

 

 

 210121 1942

k so what the committee dont see 

is that number 2 is a very high functioning alcoholic 

whereas number 6 might be a heavy drinker at times 

but thats not the same as an alcoholic 

and im an alcoholic even though i never drank much ! 

go figure ! 

210121  1930

interesting to note 

that the girls copy what i say, watch me in the bedroom 

and yet do not copy what i do ! 

210121   1725

a bull in a china shop 

i imagined number two was my husband 

and i was cheating on him with number six 

 

 

 

 

210121

 

feels a bit like ' married at first sight ' 

the tv programme 

its like i dont really know him 

 

an arranged marriage / relationship 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

210121

 

k lets suppose hypothetically i was back with number 2

we can mock it up as a role play 

we got to the point where we got bored 

and started having affairs with other people ? 

i mean the committee recommend i marry the guy 

so lets have a look at it 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tuesday at 8:20 PM


Add bookmark
#323

as I went through my front door
my brain said to me ' you're scum ' !!!

where does this even come from ?
I don't even remember being told that by anyone

glad I spotted it though

 200121

not sure how Nic found my blog 

she wasnt invited 

 

 

 

 200121.  2242

i was slapped in hosptial 3 times by women actually 

one time on the bum which i complianed about 

that woman kept trying to touch me when i went past 

 

 

 

 

200121

yes its especially worrying if you have a boyfriend
and start thinking about cheating or leaving him
and don't feel like sharing that with the boyfriend

then I might talk about it to my therapist
and realise that I don't want to cheat on him
but its like I'm closer to my therapist than the boyfriend ha ha

 200121

 

 200121

playing games is better than raping somebody ! 

so its ok to rape a person if they are male ? 

not sexist ? 

 

 

 

 

 

200121

 

i think number six is getting impatient 

with my not being around much 

im not online all the time hun 

and i have ME and arthritist and stuff 

so maybe you need someone younger ... 

 

i cant be online all the time its bad for my health 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

200121

when I was admitted to hospital in 2013
I thought I was arrested as a spy
and that all the other patients were either spies
or people there to spy on the spies !

I thought there were celebtities after me
and I would shout at the up to the ceiling

200121

I had a Zimmer frame at one point in hospital due to an injury
we put music on in the lounge and did crazy dances
I waved my Zimmer frame in the air !

patients left to look after each other ?
sure happens alot i daycare 

 

 

 

 

 

 2019

 

 august 2019 

200121

 

i think comedian Greg Davis 

said he will alway be single 

because the contents of his head 

wil always be enough to put someone off ! 

 

 

 

200121

like a subterranean lake 

lit by shafts of light 

 

 

 

190121

 

i think if you set your sights firmly on your dreams 

you will know what to say to your old boss 

 

 

 

 

190121

i never see the owls only hear

they turn up very very late here , like 2 am or something

they make a very loud noise and if possible i will record the sound on my camera

next time i will listen harder to see what they are saying ! <3

190121

what is life without our dreams ?
 

 

 

 

190121

does having a guy tortured and raped really help ? 

 

arent yous just gettting revenge on men 

for what other men have done ? 

 

 

 

 

190121

 

so another pattern 

guy numer six and i seem to drift apart and get restless 

we start flirting with other people 

which then worries us that we are losing each other 

so that we come together again 

 

now there is a risk in my saying this 

they will again try to have him kidnapped and raped 

just when ive re-bonded with him 

and so the pattern goes on with my stopping that happening 

 

 

 

 

 190121 00.00

 feeling each others hands 

the fear of coming unstuck 

 

 

 

 

180121

 

incredibly intimate sexual minds 

concentrating on the details  

able to let go  

im not going to respond to that ! 

 

tearing through me like a wheel of fire 

 

the way to redeem a woman is to give her a baby ? 

i dont think so some how ! 

 hes not coming from a patriarchal hierarchy   

n so peaceful after 

like Lennon and Yoko 

make love not war 

 180121 

i can read a book but im very slow 

ambition has no place in mental health 

180121

bottle of olbas oil will do to clean the tubes
or a great big noisy sneeze !

 

 

 

180121

not only kiss n tell 

but harrass his new partner ! 

 

 

 

 180121

 ive done the teabag test where work is concerned 

 

 

 

180121

 

fashion design 

 

' boyfriend jumpers ' trackies etc 

you know that feeling of wearing your beloved boyfriends jumper / 

sweatshirt / t shirt while hes away 

make it a thing ! 

 

sometimes i buy mens clothes for that feeling ! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

180121

 

idea for a ' zoom helmet ' 

like a space helmet 

so that all the conversation stays in the helmet 

and cant be heard by other people around you 

 

it would be transparent so you can see around you though 

and come down over your face 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

170121

imagine you are standing in warm spring sunshine outside
in a nice place
and the sunshine is going first into your heart
and then spreading throughout your body

is what love feelings like 

 

 

 

 170121

baby mother continues to send spam actresses 

into my zoom recovery meetings  

which is cyber torture 

170121

a new me every day ! is what recovery brings me
when ive turned over another stone
there are worms and insects and i dig further ...

 

 170121

kiss n tell ? 

 

 

 

 170121

lay back and think of England ?
 

 

 

 160121

is Nic planning a massacre or something ?

also some of that was written by  guy number z , 

the repetition of the word skeptical 

it was one of the reasons i left him  

 

he kept using it to make me have faith in the idea of sleeping with him 

a collab i reckon between Nic, the cam girl and guy number z 

guy number z btw is very right wing ha ha !

 

 

 

160121

so people who are not born working class are doomed
even if they are no longer in the same class
this is what is meant by judging the judgmental
a fallibility warned of in the Bible speaking of cynicism
and will not help networking in your career

people who use the words like skeptical and cynical a lot
tend to be so, to wear down the beliefs and hopes of the reader

especially when peppered with disablism
on a forum for the disabled

 

great politics comes from great minds 

which comes from ...  

and i wonder what she thinks of Abraham Lincoln ?

 

 

 

 

 

 160121  0028

 

theyre threatening to section guy number six 

under false pretenses 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

140121

spraying Donalds Trumps 

with peach scented air freshener 

or after shave  

hopefully not a comment on his diet

 

 

 

 

140121

apparently im good at making pizza

although i have never offered to 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 280121

 

word jam : Tardis of the forbidden

 


theyre threatening to have me assaulted now

number six and i are engaged

hes the sexiest man on earth
and the ladies are queuing up
that our love is forbidden
makes it all the more mysterious and magical

you cant get all your personal and professional support
from posting on a forum and putting people down
and seeking revenge on other men
doesnt work like that

i recommend you try the helplines
come on dont be ridiculous i cant be your abuse counsellor !

but my relationship with number six just is 



the client is not always aware 


of what kind of support they have signed up to 


if they feel their very intense issues 

are being dismisssed


possibly after a lifetime of having them dismissed 



ok lets mingle !
push through the pain
the upshot
is that i look like a bloody eejit

the capitol protests
have made the lockdown protests look tame

i need him he makes me feel loved
gives me confidence and explains politics to me

he is being kept in a box under house arrest

intense matter ... nothing ... intense matter ... nothing ...
antimatter
woooohhhpp wooohhhppp wooohhhppp
throb throb throb
bang

feeling hurt , broken
i was talking to other people
because i knew that you would want to

well this is unusual isnt it
right wing protesters clashing with police
copying the left wing

a commeidenne said that men are all the same
theyre all grumpy and all think they're right
and theyre all psychopaths she said

meanwhile Chucky ... why is he still venomous towards me
if im just a heffalump ?

and the author has warned me
that men have all got something missing in them
yes but i dont want to be a lesbian though
its not like the shame of being gay or something
its that i genuinely prefer men in the sexual sense
having sex with a man is more creepy and gritty

 



the teachers had a lot to answer for 


the choir teacher said my singing was too quiet ! 


I went on to run around the streets screaming when I was unwell 



i hated sitting still at school it gave me kicky legs

we haven't got a constitution according to Google
up until last February there were unwritten things
like freedom of speech, speakers corner, and human rights
freedom of assembly the right to protest etc
all of which seem to have disappeared in the lockdowns
I would not want America to write one for us
which to me would recommend owning guns 

and eating bleached chicken

makes me sound like some sort of a dominatrix 

but challenge accepted ha ha
i can grasp you are giving me more confidence !
ha ha you bunked off school !
i cant really flesh out the topic the way you do
maybe im a bad student
ha ha big compliment coming from you !

youre supposed to kick the football
not the other players ha ha !
bloodthirsty vultures ...

he gives me butterflies
maybe i will give birth to one

the committees plans for number six are diabolical !
especially in the light of the history of the relationship
makes me wonder what they have planned for myself ...

so i thought nah hes not going to stay with someone
who behaves like that
even if she has a sparkling manifesto !
hes a very gentle man
and expects top rate behaviour

trickle down 

unable to move faster than light,
the force carriers in the object
slow down in one direction and speed up in the other,
causing the object to contract.

lingo , seeing myself as a piece of meat
in a super communist fascist new order

now i seem to be doing a degree in everything Google
i studied architecture at schoo
which included phenomenology , harmonic proportions
and integral calculus
after that i took Bob Dylans advice to unlearn
and ive not done much drama or performing arts
i didnt want to lose myself !

im in alot of pain today actually , 

having wrenched something
so I've every reason to feel like a piece of meat
but some would argue its just an experience that I have chosen !

antimatter can produce explosions equivalent to an atom bomb

like the popping of bubbles of light
like being bathed in warm sunshine
a ring of muscle like a snake
that traps you there with its venom
like if you picked up a slug
it would tighten around your finger

i remember him being forced in a previous time
and i pictured an officer holding him down with a cowboy boot ...

and yes occasionally women
but i prefer the adrenalin rush that you get with a man
the body creates its own pain relievers
when he called me a dirty little bitch
gross isnt it , disgusting
n this defies logic
i feel like im on holiday now !

hes wierd and creepy how i like em
hes creative and playful with it
an aura of light shine and sparkle
like its Christmas every day
a fun guy

the mollusc squrms and thrashes
to the point where nothing exists
the null hypothesis
like the audible pulsing of the tardis
where there is no matter

whereas women feel asexualised
by societal shaming
and carry alot of anger about it

serotonin is the cake
dopamine is the icing on the cake
so who holds the power then ?
people like you and me
who are high functioning
who are activating

theres one guy who knows everything
and another guy plays the best music

but i just want you

 140121

theyre threatening to have me raped now 

 

 

 

140121 0439

maybe i should become a pisshead mother

 

 

 

 

 130121  1901

number six and i are engaged 

 130121 0432

 

hes the sexiest man on earth 

and the ladies are queuing up 

that our love is forbidden 

makes it all the more mysterious and magical

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ieGiCYnL2LY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_kd-xg2VZnk

120121

 

Eclipse you cant get all your personal and professional support 

from posting on a forum and putting me down 

doesnt work like that 

 

i recommend you try the sexual abuse helplines  

22.41

come on dont be ridiculous i cant be your abuse counsellor !

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

120121

 

you know what they are always trying to tear down 

my relationship with number six 

but my relationship with number six just is 

 

 

 

 

 

120121

k some of the bad feelings have gone
apart from the rage

I might have an issue with people asked about their ' goals '
when they need sympathy for their underlying issues
which came up in the course yesterday

the client is not always aware
of what kind of support they have signed up to
and to find they are in a goal oriented support can be damaging
if they feel their very intense issues are being dismisssed
possibly after a lifetime of having them dismissed

its just a course though until April
and then I don't have to follow on with similar work 

120121

your yolk yells yellow yabber

 120121  0312

hes not doing Nic 

120121

he said Nic was a man 

to stop us conflicting with each other 

she just deosnt come across as a man though 

 110121

so everyone is telling me 

that number six is doing Nic 

and this time i believe them 

 

 

 

 

 110121

i dont believe that Nic is a man 

 

 

 

 

 110121

ok lets mingle ! 

 

 

 

110121

ive just eaten a fermented banana

im easily triggered even by friends

this might sound a bit abrasive
but so many people will not seek help with their issues
and they take it out on other people