010821

no 6 afraid of being kidnapped tonight 

 

 

 

 

310721

diversify and survive 

 

 

 

310721

the butterfly pants worked 

or should we call them straight pants 

f off im a bit behind with stuff 

 

 

290721

cuckooed in a trap house 

 

 

 

290721

sleep walking 

 

 

 

290721

the twisties 

 

 

 

 280721

 

clips is organising to kidnap and torture number 6

theyre planning to take him at midnight 

 

 

 

 

 

280721

cutting open a pigs eyeball 

touch wood 

 

 

 

280721

 

ive had sex with some horrible men 

and youre the worst ! 

recently its always you , phwoaaar ! 

i gasp your name grinding my teeth 

he has a magical state of mind, 

the world is not ready for him yet 

there is some sort of a horse appearing on the wall 

a party in my puss 

flashing lights from the sun 

280721

women who dont wank themselves off 

are a pain in the butt ! 

 

 

 

260721

my ability to post on the forum 

has been restricted by Clips and number two 

a )  because im not gay 

and b ) becuause im not with number two 

the author is dancing about triumphantly 

campaigning for real life access to my body 

 

clips says that im chatting up young men on there 

no just one person and i dont know his age 

he has not said 

 

the match is not approved of 

 

 

 

 

260721

off putting 

 

 

 

 

Adam Brashear is a former fullback at Cornell University as well as a veteran of the Korean War, a member of the Marine Corps with two Silver Stars.[5] While in the Marine Corps he met Conner Sims, the friend he would later know as Anti-Man. Brashear later became the project lead on a scientific attempt to harness anti-matter through the creation of a Negative Reactor which created a bridge between the Negative Zone and the positive matter universe. This reactor would be a source of unlimited clean energy by allowing devices to tap the stable event horizon balanced between the two universes. Due to the unexpected explosion of the reactor, both Brashear and Sims were subjected to mutagenic radiation generated by the destabilized event horizon. While Sims' body dissolved into energy, Brashear became a stable "antimatter reactor" with superhuman abilities, which he used to fight crime under the superhero alias Blue Marvel.[6]

260721 

dazzling refracted light 

260721

baby mother is trying to kidnap no 6 

and force him to mate with her 

 

 

 

260721

lot of anger coming up for me today
what with changes I'm making in my diet

I've never been good with anger
so its quite frightening when you get old stuff from the past

trying to ' feel the feelings '





 

250721

my date with Z was in 2014 not 2018

i blocked his email in something like 2015 

told him i wanted no contact with him 

and we have not communicated since 

 

 

 

word jam : trauma therapy

 



in that we are reluctant to take down our colonial sculpures
and yet happy to rip through the countryside
next to a Druid grail

k well im not speaking as a professional
im speaking from what works for me as a client
long as they are doing trauma therapy  

my mother was sexually abused by both her parents
according to the two people i lived with in childhood

where i live the walls are like chip board
so you can hear the neighbours sneeze
 
my late mothers sister is having me stalked
on and off line to make me contact a heroin dealer   
 
Pollyanna is bullshit ?
what about Anne Frank then ?
 
im still single though
becuse im involved with a social circle
of people who are unable to commit
and we seem to enjoy the drama and intrigue around that
 
i think artefacts should be returned  
and statues reviewed

demi sexuals 
I don't see whats wrong with that 
just they explain 

all the different colours in the palette



chasing a dream
well youre chasing a moon beam 
its worth chasing even if you never get there 

child freedom meaning someone who hasn't had children
women especially
as it was always accepted that a man might be a bachelor

I don't think having children is the only way to feel alive
or feminine

sex being a latent energy that is slow burning

someone was talking about yesterday ' being in a coercive position ' 


which really struck a chord

I had a difficult day trying to cut down on caffeine and sugar ,
with resulting in difficult feelings coming up
but then I'm all about doing that so it was worth it

i do admire the strength and courage of Nic
 
you know and everyone seems to be worried about my brother
when actually my own life is in danger from my addictive behaviour
i have a fracture at the top of my leg
which is at risk of breaking and cutting off the blood circulation ...
 
getting high on music
freak show ? maybe thats a compliment

no 6 used the Jane Austen card
or shall we say James Austen  
saving me from a lynch mob 

my mother was like that , sweet as a deer ...
like some people are just too gentle for this world

you are what you feel i would say
 
this is actually starting to work i feel more alive

well i have felt perfectly soulmated with several people like that actually

it was oh so perfect ...
a friend of mine went speed dating
and met 6 soul mates in an afternoon !

lantern thinking
 
traditional shamans
woud sometimes regard a persons psychotic episode
and a spiritual epiphany and treat it as such
with the aim to ' go through it with them '
 
he knew i was waiting for him
there is a rhythm to it
n the gaslighting reaches fever pitch
with people panicking about our shores
chancers we
grunting like a pig
 
horrific
a bit drunk from the sun 

jumpy

250721

baby mother has deliberately tried to upset my friend at bed time 

as a way of getting at me 

clips feels drained whenever straight people are talking 

 

 

 

250721

I think the Stonehenge plans are to do with racism and colonialism
in that we are reluctant to take down our colonial sculpures
and yet happy to rip through the countryside
next to a Druid grail

I've never been there but I'm pretty sure the quiet of the place
is very much part of the experience

hey something else for my bucket list !

 

 

 

240721

baby mother is threatening my friends cats 

 

 

 

 

240721

aunt 2 wants to get me sectioned 

she thinks that will improve her sons artwork 

in fact his artwork did improve when i was in hospital  

240721

im not acting as a go between 

for a guilt ridden christian and a heroin dealer 

 

 

 

240721

aunt 1 had me harrassed at the supermarket 

with spam actresses 

and this contributed to my having a fall 

she can kill me if she wants 

i am not acting as a go between for a guilt ridden Christian 

i dont know yet if there is any damage 

as there is an anaesthetic effect from the shock 

 

 

 

240721

aunt 1 is planning a a bandwagon at the church art group 

because she cant be honest about her nephew 

 

 

 

240721

thats a good question I don't know if I will get used to it
because its only been in my awareness since about Christmas time
its pretty tough

kind of what people here are calling negative cognitive programming 

i use affirmations but i dont think that is so directive 

k well im not speaking as a professional 

im speaking from what works for me as a client 

230721

aunt 1 keeps pushing her agenda 

and i will send her phone number to my brother 

and my mothers cousins will not get a Christmas card 

 

 

 

230721

baby mother is water boarding number 6

and forcing him to mate with her 

 

 

 

230721

aunt 1 has hired a private detective to stalk me 

her agenda being to make me responsible for a local heroin dealer 

and if i had any thoughts of contacting him they are now gone

 

 

 

220721

 

he knew i was waiting for him 

there is a rhythm to it 

n the gaslighting reaches fever pitch 

with people panicking about our shores 

chancers we 

grunting like a pig 

 

horrific 

a bit drunk from the sun  

jumpy

 

220721 / 230721

 

he knew i was waiting for him 

there is a rhythm to it 

n the gaslighting reaches fever pitch 

with people panicking about our shores 

chancers we 

grunting like a pig 

 

horrific  

a bit drunk from the sun 

jumpy

 

 

200721

i was born in a shoe box 

 

 

 

200721

where i live the walls are like chip board 

so you can hear the neighbours sneeze

 

 

 

190721

yes I have looked at TA , cognitive therapy

and you know what I'm going to say ... Rogerian therapy
for unconditional positive self regard
 

John Blakey seems to be the nearest thing that looks pretty good actually
and what I mean by going through a trauma

best if its not too much embellished with analysis

190721

oh i see what happened, 

baby mother tried to kidnap him and he turned to one of his exes

for some support to not be tortured 

the swede just explained it all ! 

 

 

 

190721

dirty buzz 

 

 

 

190721

aunt 1 has abandoned ship 

 

 

 

190721

the author is VERY JEALOUS of my friendship 

with another forum member 

and is stirring up malicious gossip about it 

 

 

 

180721

mothers sister, lets say Aunt 1 

says dont shoot the messenger ! 

 

 

 

 

180721

my mother was sexually abused by both her parents 

according to the two people i lived with in childhood 

 

 

 

180721

my late mothers sister 

is sending actresses into my 12 step meetings 

to deliver spam subliminals from the church 

under the name of Diane and with the video turned off 

 

 

 

170721

could also be number 2 

has threatened to harm my friends cats 

if i dont go back out with him 

 

 

 

170721

looks like the author has picked off another friend of mine 

she works extremely hard at these things

 

 

170721

Pollyanna is bullshit ? 

what about Anne Frank then ? 

 

 

 

150721

im still single though 

becuse im involved with a social circle 

of people who are unable to commit

and we seem to enjoy the drama and intrigue around that 

 

 

 

 

150721

not sure about reparations of money 

like isnt that what the aid budget is for ? 

i think artefacts should be returned though 

and statues reviewed 

 

 

 

150721

demi sexuals

I don't really see whats wrong with having all these sexual definitions
as long as people are willing to explain them
and not expect you to already know

just they explain all the different colours in the palette





 

140721

well youre chasing a moon beam

its worth chasing even if you never get there

140721

baby mother hounded me at the supermarket 

with spam actresses from the moment i got there 

threatening to interfere with my support groups 

and one of them told me to go away and annoy someone else 

while i was feeding the birds 

 

 

 

130721

child freedom meaning someone who hasn't had children
obviously women especially
as it was always accepted that a man might be a bachelor

well I have never felt pressure to be married
only sometime elderly men are shocked about it
but usually people don't comment that I'm not married

but not having children ...
well I've had subtle comments to the effect
that I'm not really living , or that I'm not really feminine

I don't think having children is the only way to feel alive
I don't think it would have made me feel alive in my case

130721


well the word demisexual means a lot to me
it reminds me of my experiences
where it was so important to have other things going on
besides the sex

sex being a latent energy that is slow burning
rather than burning out too quickly

 

130721

yes I relate to this, I'm in a process with my dependency and co-dependency
there are resources online where you can talk to people on video meetings

someone was talking about yesterday ' being in a coercive position '
which really struck a chord

I don't know how to not be in a coercive position
but am looking forward to finding out !

120721

the cam girl had me sprayed with bladder stimulating substances 

while i was out 

and sat spam actors next to us 

to gather information 

120721

I had a difficult day trying to cut down on caffeine and sugar , with resulting in difficult feelings coming up
but then I'm all about doing that so it was worth it

120721

i do admire the strength and courage of Nic 

 

 

 

110721

you know and everyone seems to be worried about my brother 

when actually my own life is in danger from my addictive behaviour 

i have a fracture at the top of my leg 

which is at risk of breaking and cutting off the blood circulation ... 

 

 

 

110721

my aunt has made her way into my zoom support group 

to deliver a spam actress 

i hope she was listening becuase she needs that support group  !

i turned the volume off once i realised who it was 

 

 

 

110721

getting high on music 

 

 

 

100721

freak show ? maybe thats a compliment 

100721

no 6 used the Jane Austen card 

or shall we say the James Austen card 

saving me from a lynch mob 

 

 

 

 

090721

baby mother is planning on kidnapping number 6 tonight 

and forcing him to mate with her  

having ogled footage from my bedroom 

090721  9 pm

baby mother has sent a spam actress to yak outside my window 

 

 

 

 

090721

if my aunt is organising a church bandwagon for me 

i will leave there and paint on my own ... 

besides they might agree that its unreasonalbe 

in the state im in to expect me to have a relationship with a heroin dealer 

and im not looking forward to her visit 

090721

my mother was like that , sweet as a deer ...
like some people are too gentle for this world I feel  

080721

you are what you feel i would say 

 

 

 

080721

my aunt says im not really depressed 

ok so i will ditch all my medications then shall i  ? 

stepmother continues to comparey my artwork to my professional artist cousin 

i wasnt aware there was supposed to be a rivalry between us ... 

 

 

 

080721
thankyou so much for these shares
im fighting the sugar. Really difficult day mood wise , feeling angry and down
at times and at others triumphant , when i avoided an opportunity to use a substance


this is actually starting to work i feel more alive

 

070721

they are trying to kidnap number 6 

 

21.56

seems like they have already got him 

maybe if baby mother gets the baby she wants 

she will leave him alone 

 

 

 

070721

well i have felt perfectly soulmated with several people like that actually
and in retrospect i was only with them because of my disease
and it was in that respect that we were matched


it was oh so perfect ...


a friend of mine went speed dating
and met 6 soul mates in an afternoon !

 

070721

author also invading the 12 step meetings with spam actors 

making mortal threats against my family 

 

 

070721

lantern thinking 

 

 

070721

baby mother targeted me with spam actors at the supermarket 

threatening my benefits and support groups 

and using chemical warfare 

she does not realise how conunter productive this is to her agenda even 

and how much it puts me off number 2 

050721

traditional shamans 

woud sometimes regard a persons psychotic episode 

and a spiritual epiphany and treat it as such 

with the aim to ' go through it with them ' 

 

 

 

 050721

what does a cat say if you are not listening ? 

hear meowt ! 

mulled why 

030721

perfume was sprayed at me today 

on behalf of Nic and baby mother 

 

 

 

word jam : greek architecture

 gnashing my teeth
 
some couples have masochistic games going on
which goes all the way back to little Bo peep really

in recent years such people speak of a ' safe word '
which has not been enough explored I think

even in Victorian times it was considered
that a woman saying no was to be pursued for her hand in marriage
by her ardent suitor and he would wear her down

and I know many a Christian wife who was ' wooed ' in this way

because people sometimes are uncertain how they feel about it
they are exploring they haven't decided

also if they block you on social media put your
email into spam and say they want nothing to do with you
you can satisfy yourself they have moved on 



 

is classicism dead ? 



so I started off studying classical art and architecture 


then I met someone in my twenties who turned me right around 

I became this very lefty woke person new age kind of thing 



although the greek influences bring it together 


and I just noticed that I prefer Greek Architecture to Roman 


they were more into their aesthetics 



 

and even the language is changing 


from being mostly Latin influences with a bit of Greek and German 


and Celtic 



 

twitching muscles
 i feel like a helium balloon
 
ive seen you write really good classical poetry 
you wrote something of a Greek tragedy
when we split up before 

like myself I'm not gay but I'm very alternative
i like men with a sensitive side 

yes I think there is a lot of pressure for women to become lesbians
 And I get the impression there is some lobby somewhere
that thinks we could really kick the mens arses if we got together

like there was this friend I felt she had a crush on me ,
she would send me newspaper cuttings saying nasty things about men ,
and she would pick off my other friends and stuff so I stopped seeing her

noticing how I react to loud aggressive noises next door
re triggering the trauma
like my tummy is jumping about
 
and check out my new fragrance for men ... Hay Barn !
ten minutes
 
is that really your post ?
i meant posted as in the military 
this disgusting sweat
i banged myself
the neighbour doesnt like it
someone of my age ...

i would be traumatised  !
i show him how haughty i am
and then he puts me in my place
like Lady Chatterley

n im like literally dying

the author is planning working on a bandwagon tonight
through manipulating the churches
 
your willingness to help someone
should not depend on whether im going to have sex with you !
thats coercion
 
I have struggled with this as well 


I think therapists recommend something like 


' taking sex off the table ' yes I know it sounds funny 



but seriously it involves having other kinds of intimacy 

with your partner 
including cuddling , 

but forbidding yourselves to have sex 
for a period of time
 
enjoyed watching you play
use that to play with me
he wants me to think about him
while i play 
 
it reached up to the sternum bone 

i feel so alive
 
 

020721

the cam girl says i can do some real life shiz 

with my boyfriends 

well thats one way to study classical art i suppose ! 

 

 

 

020721

the cam girl has started targeting me with spam actors as of today