300921

baby mother sent spam actresses 

to harrass me outside my window 

she is hoping to kidnap number 6 today for mating duties 

 

 

 

 

280921

chuckster and other occult forces

probably ruined a few of my relationships 

so that i dont know how they would have panned out 

to protect yourself from the occult you need rogerian therapy 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

260921

aunt 1 thinks she gets to be the child

now that she is in old age 

no that only happens if you have done right in your life 

and you shoved the sexual abuse in the family under the carpet 

 

 

 

 

260921

nic is harrassing me on social media and on my support groups

she is always catty not just on tragic occasions 

 

 

 

260921

k well soon as my brother is out of his oxygen mask 

im going to assume other relatives are phoning him 

 

260921

no 2 just told me something i didnt already know ! 

 

 

 

250921

dad is being abusive 

in order to keep me focused on his sick son 

after all im a woman 

100 years of feminism comes to this 

 

 

 

240921

a trance of doubt ? 

you just proved the importance of faith ! 

 

 

 

240921

i know the real reason why my aunts husband left her 

because my mother told me 

 

 

 

240921

a couple of years ago two second cousins 

came to take me for lunch 

and asked me if i had ever taken drugs 

i said i tried them recreationally at school with my peers 

and after that they wrote me off as a druggy 

and decided i could handle my addict brother by myself 

 

 

 

 

240921

aunt 1 is hoping her husband will come back to her 

when his new wife dies 

if she cuts her nephew out of her life 

 

 

 

230921

aunt 2 is dissing me on the forum 

because she feels threatened by the progress im making with my painting 

she felt very rejected by her parents 

and then got her partner to take it out on me 

when i had just lost my mother as a teenager 

 

 

 

 

220921

number 6 being carted off for torture again 

 

 

 

 

220921

another relative implied that im self centred 

i have just visited a heroin addict in hospital on my own ! 

on behalf of the entire family  

you know and this all affects my capacity to do any follow up 

220921

dad is feeling guilty for sending me to visit his son 

so he has dissed me on the forum 

saying that i was only woken from a deep sleep 

 

 

 

 

200921

look im not basking in the sun 

im resting up before i visit your dying son 

that nobody else is going to even phone ...  

and youre going to pay my fees for art college ... 

200921

people who think im lazy and selfish 

dont understand one thing 

i dont really want to be here ... 

 

 

 

word jam : paragliding into the sunset

 

is that a needs based economy or a living wage ?

it might work with the right people in charge

in a way I live in a needs based economy

but yet there always seems to be a price to pay somewhere

 

my brother is critically ill in hospital

this pain is like someone is drillling holes in my chest

and there are different types of empathy

 

the world is a meaningless facade

that hides the true meaning of meaning

 

and defeated

 

and its on record that i tried to take my life  

 

sometimes number 6 talks out of the hucksters rear end  

 

occasionally i speak to number two

and he goes straight for the cam girl

why because he needs me to make him feel loved

like thrill seeking rides and paragliding

the terror of the booster ride 

or paragliding into the sunset on a deathwish 

 

dont waste your suicide

riding close to death 

death is so close to life

 

a fuschia is a very sexual flower

i just recently painted one 

idling away the afternoon like a loser

 

may as well put you to use

if youre going to lie in bed all day he says 

n they were all watching me

one way to get attention isnt it

this releases light from the root chakra

the light of eternal life

n they saw that and wrote articles about it

the light started at the root and went up to the crown

a space ship full of aliens spitting stars

but i dont think we will ever be allowed to meet

and can we control our tempers ?

and how will the affair ever end

its been going on for years and years

i do try to end it to no avail

and ive made myself legless

n im going to die of renal failure

he makes me feel alive and less hypochondriac

n there was actually hammering next door

n now im completely legless and senseless

defiant

legless with no brain

this is the new virginity

 

amoeba and light producing enzymes

fireflies a ring of light expands and bursts like the first life form

n the light explodes from my head

 

i feel like ive been whacked over the head

and all the light is spilling out

 

do you take this woman

to be the one you usually wank about the most

number 6 is really brilliant at cyber sex

 

while we were in the hay barn

i had a flashback to Notting Hill Carnival

a guy put his arms round me and offered to take me back to his

to take things slowly

i didnt go, but decades later this decides to come up

and turn me on

it was like both guys were there at once

which was wierd

its usually number 6 though

sometimes you have to look away from a star

in order to see it

 

 

190921

is that a needs based economy or a living wage ?

it might work with the right people in charge

in a way I live in a needs based economy
with the disability assistance
which is given according to need rather than achievements

but yet there always seems to be a price to pay somewhere

 

 

 

 

190921

my brother is critically ill in hospital 

 

 

 

 

 

060921

 

may as well put you to use 

if youre going to lie in bed all day he says  

n they were all watching me 

one way to get attention isnt it 

this releases light from the root chakra 

the light of eternal life 

n they saw that and wrote articles about it 

the light started at the root and went up to the crown 

a space ship full of aliens spitting stars 

but i dont think we will ever be allowed to meet

n would we even be safe with our explosive tempers ? 

and how will the affair ever end

its been going on for years and years 

i do try to end it to no avail 

and ive made myself legless

n im going to die of renal failure 

he makes me feel alive and less hypochondriac 

n there was actually hammering next door 

n now im completely legless and senseless 

defiant we 

legless with no brain

orgasms are the new virginity 

 

amoeba and light producing enzymes 

fireflies a ring of light expands and bursts like the first life form 

n the light explodes from my head 

 

i feel like ive been whacked over the head 

and all the light is spilling out 

 

i can imagine myself living with number two 

and we will be on our respective computers 

having cybersex with our long time lovers 

 

with number 6 we would communicate more 

 

180921

this pain is like someone is drillling holes in my chest 

 

 

 

 

180921

unexpected item in the shagging area ! 

 

 

 

180921

aunt 1 doesnt seem bothered about my brother 

she just doesnt want it to be a suicide 

because that would bring more shame on her family 

so this physical threat he is in at the moment doesnt bother her 

150921

it was like both guys were there at once 

which was wierd 

 

 

 

030921

 

140921

 

while we were in the hay barn 

i had a flashback to Notting Hill Carnival 

a guy put his arms round me and offered to take me back to his 

for a nice slow push 

i didnt go, but decades later this decides to come up 

and turn me on 

 

 

 

130921

there are different types of empathy 

 

 

 

130921

baby mother sent a spam actress into my 12 step group 

to say how much she appreciated the tolerance there 

meaning its ok for her to have faults 

which include ogling me in my bedroom 

 

 

 

120921

exhaustion is not really an emotion 

 

 

 

120921

the world is a meaningless facade 

that hides the true meaning of meaning

 

 

 

120921

defeated 

 

 

 

120921

do you take this woman 

to be the one you usually wank about the most 

 

 

 

 

110921

its usually number 6 though 

sometimes you have to look away from a star

in order to see it 

 

 

 

 

100921

baby mother harrassed me at the supermarket 

with spam actresses and perfume sprays 

 

 

 

100921

i jumped out of a first floor window 

its on record as a suicide attempt

 

 

 

100921

number 6 is talking out of chucksters rear end 

 

 

 

090921

the butterfly garment 

did allow me a number 2 a while back 

 

 

 

 

080921

occasionally i speak to number two 

and he goes straight for the cam girl 

why because he needs me to make him feel loved 

i can do that without being his partner  

 

 

 

 

070921

on 281113

i jumped out of a first floor window 

and fractured my pelvis 

my intention was to highlight the problem of surveillance 

but it meant more than just that 

 

 

 

 

010521

 

070921

like thrill seeking rides and paragliding 

 the terror of the booster ride 

or paragliding into the sunset on a deathwish 

 

 

281113 

 

070921

dont waste your suicide

riding close to death  

death is so close to life

 

 

 

070921

a fuschia is a very sexual flower

i just recently painted one 

 

 

 

 

 

060921

idling away the afternoon like a loser

 

 

 

060921

 

may as well put you to use 

if youre going to lie in bed all day he says  

n they were all watching me 

one way to get attention isnt it 

this releases light from the root chakra 

the light of eternal life 

n they saw that and wrote articles about it 

the light started at the root and went up to the crown 

a space ship full of aliens spitting stars 

but i dont think we will ever be allowed to meet

n would we even be safe with our explosive tempers ? 

and how will the affair ever end

its been going on for years and years 

i do try to end it to no avail 

and ive made myself legless

n im going to die of renal failure 

he makes me feel alive and less hypochondriac 

n there was actually hammering next door 

n now im completely legless and senseless 

defiant we 

legless with no brain

orgasms are the new virginity 

 

amoeba and light producing enzymes 

fireflies a ring of light expands and bursts like the first life form 

n the light explodes from my head 

 

i feel like ive been whacked over the head 

and all the light is spilling out 

 

i can imagine myself living with number two 

and we will be on our respective computers 

having cybersex with our long time lovers 

 

with number 6 we would communicate more 

060921

my mums cousin is in on the harrassment as well now 

why ? because the multitude of them 

feel guilty for abandoning their nephew 

 

 

 

050921

number 6 is really brilliant at cyber sex 

 

 

 

050921

number 6 is too involved with Nic 

to be available for another relationship 

 

 

 

word jam : the dream of flight

even the weather seems to be in lockdown

I suppose if they stopped the injection I would go too high
and think I could fly or something

the shape of my light is like a mini me
floating out of my body
always circling

being fed to tinker bell

according to Nic and the cam girl
im now on my death bed

baby mother sent a spam actress into my zoom meeting
to tell me im like a goth Oprah
pretty sure Oprah didnt give permission for that ...
im a big fan of hers 



schizophrenics are often much in touch with the stars 


living in their emotions

bunch of emo kids ! 



 

im happy to support other peoples dreams
if they dont cross other peoples boundaries and consensuality 


spirituality can also make one lazy as well I noticed 


sometimes an atheist will produce a lot of magic
sometimes conjuring or stolen
or sometimes pure magic 


Santa Claus was real
the magic happened the mince pie disappeared
and someone looked through the door in a red dressing gown
happened to be my mum so what !
for the atheists ... you know there is such a thing as magic
and that is a spiritual dimension ...

I think chasing a dream is like chasing a moon beam
its worth it even if you never get there

i miss him and dont want him to go
even though our families dont like it
and we're wrong for each other

there is anger boiling in my stomach

i cant even afford a cat
let alone a batch of children

eerie ghost orchid
the wedding of the bone and the bloom

was that a revenge fantasy ?
revenge for what ? or is it variety ?
doesnt make me love him any less
what happpens when partners have a fantasy about someone else
but i didnt go gay tonight
might have looked like it but it was number 6

my breath is coming in sharp gasps

010921

eerie ghost orchid

 

 

 

010921

baby mother just announced 

that i have given her permission to ogle me on surveillance cameras in my bedroom 

i do not ... 

 

 

 

 

010921

even the weather seems to be in lockdown