311221

simplisticked 

 

 

 

301221

trawled 

 

 

 

301221

general knowledge 

 

 

 

291221

bullied 

 

 

 

281221

heavy going 

 

 

 

281221

nic is attacking me on social media 

with violent hate speech 

 

 

 

271221

i didnt say i left you 

i mean we are not ready to be married 

when you are so tied up with your ex 

we havent even met yet either 

i dont know i just feel like a mother with a teenage son or something  

271221

k im not married to number 6

because there is this dialogue going on all the time 

between him and his ex 

we can carry on with the relationship but we are not married 

 

 

 

261221

aunt 1 and the cam girl 

are harrassing me on the internet 

 

 

 

251221

magical classicism 

 

 

 

 

241221

ive always been the one to ' give him back ' 

but tonight that is not possible 

because it would mean divorcing him at Christmas ! 

ask me again on boxing day ! 

 

 

 

241221

were married hun 

not sure whos doing the stealing ? 

 

 

 

 

231221

a well seasoned script 

 

 

 

221221

painting by numbers ? 

 

 

 

word jam : my Christmas aura 2021

 


simplicity
as in be open and honest
and let the powers that be have the complexity  
 
my aura is  a bubble of orange and pink
blowing bubbles
these dizzy heights
 
sometimes the magic rubs off on you 
yes imagine two people expoding at the same time
youd almost repel each other
with centripetal force

n yes it would be traumatic
like a positive trauma
youd be in shock

youll know if your addicted
if you havent got any friends ha ha
maybe we need to uncouple,
its not the relationship thats the problem its the marriage

hes a very brave man and this is Christmas
there was a second one too  

the light is blinding and the trippy colours
im back in the sixties
and all is peace and love
Merry Christmas everyone
n this is how the stars were made

yup its a normal natural thing to do
yup just like a drug
guess i was ready to be more exclusive
and he wasnt

I believe that empathy can be learned
through person centred Rogerian psychotherapy

if you persist in being a person
and getting to know yourself

lying on a mat concentrating on different parts of the body
especially when we got to the feet and toes
 
Christmas time
theyve all got to say
what the others want them to say
and i in my lonely bubble
can think what i want
albeit painful
 
but i have fought for this  
the owlies oaky nutty bones
make the tune like a wooden flute
and many a family man
would like to be in this boat
 
knowledge ?
i had a blank phone call this morning
from a local number
someone sitting in a cafe or bar
 
words weighed and measured
 
the weather is like the i Ching
 
not everyone wants an intellectual conversation
 
i have discovered that i can stop flirting if needs be
i can be exclusive if i want to

we cant always predict
other peoples reactions to us
and to do so is to live in fear and joylessness
 
shapes shifting and morphing
with the winds of change 
to drift and dream
through fields of elecampane
 
k so we pretended we were not married
and went to find a hay barn
for a few minutes  
torsion im as powerful as a man
big bangs for me
got him in a thumbscrew

had a zoom call today with my gay friend 


and while we were talking a ring on his finger broke ! 


and we spoke about the Japanese tradition 


of finding broken vases more beautiful
and mending them with gold 


maybe if i listed all the things that love isnt
i would be left with love
 
and the present is a gift
just saw a shooting star !

i can smell sick in my nose

ill not be by your side all the time
got other things to attend to ...

211221

simplicity 

as in be open and honest 

and let the government have the complexity ... 

authors Christmas drive 

 

 

 

 

211221

my aura is  a bubble of orange and pink 

blowing bubbles

these dizzy heights 

 

 

 

211221

 

sometimes the magic rubs off on you  

yes imagine two people expoding at the same time 

youd almost repel each other 

with centripetal force 

n yes it would be traumatic

like a positive trauma 

youd be in shock 

youll know if your addictive 

if you havent got any friends ha ha 

maybe we need to uncouple, 

its not the relationship thats the problem its the marriage 

hes a very brave man and this is Christmas 

the second one was about being on a web cam 

and i nearly wet myself 

im like an enormous emotional toddler 

the light is blinding and the trippy colours 

im back in the sixties 

and all is peace and love 

Merry Christmas everyone 

n this is how the stars were made 

211221

yup masturbation is a normal natural thing to do 

yup just like a drug 

 

 

 

 

201221

maybe she can look after him 

better than i can 

 

 

 

201221

guess i was ready to be more exclusive 

and he wasnt 

 

 

 

201221

theres too much going on between number 6 and his ex 

im trying to leave divorcing him 

until after Christmas as i dont want to upset people 

 

 

 

 

191221

try to give a compliment to the person you envy
sometimes this works magic





 

191221

I believe that empathy can be learned
through person centred Rogerian psychotherapy





 

191221

if you persist in being a person
and getting to know yourself
you can select the people that see you for yourself

191221

I didn't find a difference between mindfulness and meditation / relaxation .
I remember in hospital we had relaxation after dinner
and it really boosted my recovery at that point
lying on a mat concentrating on different parts of the body
especially when we got to the feet and toes
it made me feel really grounded





 

171221

that was a horrible thing to happen to you or to anyone.
I hope you will be able to treat the trauma
by being extra good to yourself

161221

 

Christmas time 

theyve all got to say 

what the others want them to say

 

and i in my lonely bubble 

can think what i want 

albeit painful 

 

but i have fought for this  

the owlies oaky nutty bones 

make the tune like a wooden flute 

and many a family man 

would like to be in this boat 

 

 

 

 

 

 

161221

my therapist said to me recently 

that ive been a witness to a horrible situation 

watching someone i love in decline 

and being lied to 

hes not in any kind of recovery 

 

 

 

151221

knowledge

 

 

 

141221

i think maybe the author 

has given my phone number to nic 

who is threatening to get her mates to beat me up 

while im on crutches

 

 

 

141221

i had a blank phone call this morning 

from a local number 

someone sitting in a cafe or bar 

 

 

 

 

 

 

141221

words weighed and measured 

 

 

 

 

141121

not sure what my folks would think of us actually 

weve not been allowed to meet yet 

im not in the habit of letting my folks choose my partners 

 

 

 

141221

the author has plans 

to make a concerted effort 

to discredit me over Christmas 

 

 

 

 

141221

oh I used to get that !

in private say to yourself ' nobody knows what I'm thinking '

say it 3 times a day not much to ask 

 

 

 

 

131221

the weather is like the i Ching 

 

 

 

131221

i guess there are different types of interaction 

depends what kind of memes youre trying to promote 

not everyone wants an intellectual conversation 

 

 

 

131221

hectic, frenetic 

 

 

 

 

131221

maybe just teething problems 

like post natal depression 

when the weight of what you are doing hits 

hoping we can get through to the other side 

 

 

 

131221

i dont know maybe its marriage itself that i dont like  

although i have discovered that i can stop flirting if needs be 

i can be exclusive if i want to 

there are alot of cliches attached to marriage 

121221

youre talking to your ex all the time 

because you dont have other friends that are truly platonic 

this lays me open to alot of abuse 

because nic thinks its more than it is 

 

 

 

 

121221

there is too much going on between number 6 and Nic 

so i think i will soon end this marriage 

yes i do sometimes lose my rag 

in the face of all this abuse 

 

 

 

121221 

we cant always predict 

other peoples reactions to us 

and to do so is to live in fear and joylessness 

111221

tail gate , verbosity 

a beached whale 

could also mean someone that just lies there

 

 

 

101221

 

shapes shifting and morphing 

with the winds of change  

to drift and dream 

through fields of elecampane

 

k so we pretended we were not married 

and went to find a hay barn 

6 minutes 

torsion im as powerful as a man

big bangs for me 

got him in a thumbscrew

 

 

 

091221

 

since we got married 

my husband is spending most of his time 

talking to his ex 

i feel like im being used 

and this is what they call the merry go round of denial 

 

thing is if i divorce him then we will just go round again 

so maybe best to wait until he fully cheats on me 

so that it will be properly over 

 

 

 

 

081221

bored 

 

 

 

081221

number 2 is using the children as pawns 

 

 

 

 

081221

had a zoom call today with my gay friend
while we were talking a ring on his finger broke !

it was a ring given to him by his partners father
silver with a semi precious stone which looked like dark purple
blackcurrant colour ,
the stone suddenly broke in half !
he said he is still going to wear it
and we spoke about the Japanese tradition
of finding broken vases more beautiful 

and mending them with gold

 

081221

 

i feel like theres a little boy 

wanting mummy 

and then complaining that mummy isnt turning him on 

marriage not going great 

we are two commitment phobes 

071221

maybe if i listed all the things that love isnt 

i would be left with love 

 

 

 

071221

the past is history , the future is a mystery 

and the present is a gift 

someone said 

 

 

 

071221

just saw a shooting star ! 

 

 

 

071221

i can smell sick in my nose 

 

 

071221

 

we got married

because we are fed up with people 

trying to split us up 

so we have a chance to explore our relationship 

071221

ill not be by your side all the time 

got other things to attend to ... 

word jam : love bombed

twinkling lights

you cared that she might be tired
and not want to be pushed

but you are jumping ahead

its possible to deal with shyness by being open about it
tell them you're feeling shy and don't know what to expect
that you feel awkward on first encounters for instance
make up your own version

RD Laing said that psychosis can come from mixed messages
either in early life in the family
or from society / teachers educators etc

many of whom are mixed race
if they develop the skills

i may be over reacting
im not feeling that great in myself today

somethings trying to get my attention today,
I lost my keys, my phone failed
there is a terrible pain
and my broken gutter is rapping on the window !

most people are not confident
although they might pretend to be as a front
its normal to feel shy in the presence of someone you dont know
especially if you admire them

I think the statue of Virginia Woolf 


its a stunning piece of work 


and would look really surreal by the Thames 



even if someone would attack it 

how to turn water into wine
be really thirsty !

the music is talking to me
love comes first

an act of pacifism is timely 
and often comes from one 

who is engaged in battle 


who realises 

that fighting is not to his advantage

today i thought to myself that i am ready ...
im ready to have the courage to take the risk ...
of letting him hit rock bottom ,
to sink or swim as he chooses

im living in a war zone
with my brother nearly dying every five minutes
and a war game going on next door to boot

but Rabbit the kitten had wild night time hunting eyes

and a part of me will rail against the break up
because the grief is complicated
and a part of you doesn't believe you have moved on
and is angry about it

and yet the moving on is undeniable and set in stone
because of the way I've grown

he was giving me my first experience in a cupboard
pleasuring plays a big part in modern day torture
the light was blazing
didnt take much notice of the other guys
then i gave birth to a baby cat
the tension built around us to a fever pitch

it bent me over double
rubbed raw

he is like a werewolf
seems meek and mild until ...

my husband is the rising sun
and the moon at night
and everybody loves a villain

my aura fans out like a firework
firing shots of white energy
as im turned inside out ,
the strength in my muscles suddenly apparent
feeling no longer weak

burning up like a sunny day

i used the butterfly clothes
might have to sell up
yes the same thing has happened again
we've done each other
im also on anti psychotics
and a bang on the head
repercussions thoughout the body
he has an aura of sunshine
warm bright light which dazzles me
and creases me up

n ive been bombed again

061221

twinkling lights 

 

 

 

051221

k Id like to have a go at that little knot !
some positives there ... you cared that she might be tired
and not want to be pushed

whats wrong I think is you have expectations that are jumping ahead
of what is going on with someone extremely new to you
and expectations of yourself that are unreasonable

its possible to deal with shyness by being open about it
tell them you're feeling shy and don't know what to expect
that you feel awkward on first encounters for instance
make up your own version

not everyone is going to like that
but it will filter out people who are not genuine towards you

041221

RD Laing said that psychosis can come from mixed messages
either in early life in the family
or from society / teachers educators etc

in my area there is a tradition of them being cared for by nuns
many of the patients being mixed race
especially a mix of Irish and English

031221

somebody has been opening my back gate at night 

 

 

 

021221

balsa wood

 

 

 

011221

 

my aura fans out like a firework 

firing shots of white energy 

as im turned inside out , 

the strength in my muscles suddenly apparent 

feeling no longer weak 

 

burning up  like a sunny day

 

 

 

 

011221

musts and shoulds 

 

 

 

 

281121

women can do mens jobs if they want to 

and if they have been encouraged to develop those skills since childhood

Steve Backshalls latest show has two women in it 

also depends what kind of condition we are in mentally and physically 

rather than what gender we are 

 

 

281121

i used the butterfly pants
might have to sell up
yes the same thing has happened again
we've shagged each other
im also on anti psychotics
and a bang on the head
repercussions thoughout the body
he has an aura of sunshine
warm bright light which dazzles me
and creases me up

n ive been bombed again 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

271121

sorry 

 

 

 

271121

i may be over reacting 

im not feeling that great in myself today 

 

 

 

271121 

now he is cheeking me 

and feeling controlled 

so im filing for divorce 

looks like Christmas with the chuckster 

271121

somethings trying to get my attention today,

I lost my keys, my phone failed

there is a terrible pain in my side

and my broken gutter is rapping on the window !

261121

k but she seems to be your entire social life 

like youve not bothered to move on and make new friends 

and your having alot of contact with her 

lays me open to her abuse 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

261121

theres too much going on between number 6 and Nic 

and im thinking about a divorce 

 

 

 

251121

a warm bright energy field 

 

 

 

251121

an aura of sunshine 

 

 

 

241121

if i have issues that need attending to 

that is a priority for me 

 

 

 

241121

most people are not confident
although they might pretend to be as a front
its normal to feel shy in the presence of someone you dont know
especially if you admire them

 

 

 

 

231121

he is like a werewolf 

seems meek and mild until ... 

 

 

 

 

 

 

221121

harangued 

 

 

 

211121

I think the statue of Virginia Woolf will remain in peoples debates now
its a stunning piece of work
and would look really surreal by the Thames

sure someone would attack it
it would be symbolic of their feelings towards women 

211121

im still with number six 

there is a character that i thought was number six 

that i now think isnt 

 

 

 

191121

ive lost the sense that i know who im talking to 

 

 

 

191121

how to turn water into wine 

be really thirsty ! 

 

 

 

 

181121

i have no idea who im talking to 

but the music is talking to me 

 

 

 

181121

helping me was different from helping my brother 

as i was always in some kind of treatment 

 

 

 

171121

love comes first 

 

 

 

161121

rubbed raw 

 

 

 

141121

there is a little bit of light in the sky 

 

 

 

 

141121

I guess there are times when people have had to fight

an act of pacifism to be effective is timely
and often comes from one who is engaged in battle
who realises at a certain point

that fighting is not to his advantage

141121

like a porcupine 

 

 

 

 

131121

today i thought to myself that i am ready ...

im ready to have the courage to take the risk ... 

of letting my brother hit rock bottom , 

to sink or swim as he chooses 

over the past year i have asked relatives to speak to him 

because i couldnt do it all by myself and most of them have obliged  

and its time for me to stop doing that now 

im tempted to call the hospital tomorrow to find out how he is doing 

one day at a time i will try not to do that 

 

121121

it bent me over double 

 

 

 

121121

 

 

121121

he was giving me my first orgasm in a cupboard 

pleasuring plays a big part in modern day torture 

the light was blazing 

didnt take much notice of the other guys 

then i gave birth to a baby cat 

the tension built around us to a fever pitch 

all over in ten minutes 

 

 

 

111121 

im living in a war zone 

with my brother nearly dying every five minutes 

and a war game going on next door to boot 

081121

Wabbit the kitten had wild night time hunting eyes 

 

 

 

 

061121

sometimes ive thought of number two again 

and then i remember how hard he bolted 

to get out of the relationship

 

 

 

 

061121

I've only had a handful of relationships about 8 real life ones
and 4 online ones

it always happens that the moving on just happens
and a part of me will rail against it
because the grief is complicated when the person is still alive
and a part of you doesn't believe you have moved on
and is angry about it

and yet the moving on is undeniable and set in stone
because of the way I've grown





 

051121 

my husband is the rising sun 

and the moon at night 

and everybody loves a villain 

word jam : the dark side of empathy

check out the atmosphere of that constellation
its enough to baffle Confuscius 

i dont have a body

if Picasso were alive today
he would probably paint a drug addict
with striking hands and feet

but the man gets to be an artist
and his wife gets to be ... his wife !

Mary Christmas

sometimes there is doing done
from a position that is not empathy

empaths are not always kind
there are dark empaths and those with a dark side
at the extreme end manifesting in the occult

with trembling hands
and trembling heart
i offer up my soul

the energy of a light worker
a body of light
that blurs and hazes
Vwoorp Vwoorp
a broken down piano frame
scraped with a key
with loads of feedback

there was a young neighbour tapping on the wall
that was kinda rough
not sure if im going to need another one

things seem to be moving
as though there is wind when there isnt
like the wallpaper is peeling

he doesnt need to explain person centred
rogerian psychotherapy
and all that follows

thankyou yes its sorted itself out now
i will save it for next time
having to watch us must be horrific
electric flashes

dairy makes alot of mucus
i am swollen like a boil ready to burst
the music sounds visceral
like the paper peeling off the walls

little tiny antar movements
micro jerks, little bucks
stuck in a groove , this record never tires
he has a monopoly on it

n i wasnt made in Chelsea

he looks like a Picasso ha ha
ive never seen him !
he just blows me away

gentle pumps

n i can smell the fear
coming from the neighbours

051121

check out the atmosphere of the constellation 

 

 

 

041121

it was number six this time 

 

yes were still married 

 

 

 

041121

its enough to baffle Confuscius 

 

 

 

021121

if Picasso were alive today

he would probably paint a drug addict 

the hands and feet are really important 

in a Picasso painting 

 

 

 

021121

so the man gets to be an artist 

and his wife gets to be ... his wife ! 

 

 

 

021121

 

little tiny antar movements 

micro jerks, little bucks 

stuck in a groove , this record never tires 

he has a monopoly on it 

 

n i wasnt made in Chelsea 

 

he loolks like a Picasso ha ha 

ive never seen him !  

he just blows me away 

gentle pumps 

n i can smell the fear 

in my neighbours' shit 

 

291021

baby mother harrassed me in an oa zoom meeting 

with ' im a cat, feed me slut ' 

 

 

 

281021

baby mother , number 2 and clips 

got together to sanction my posts on a thread 

it was a nonsense thread anyway so how can i be off topic ? 

they did this because of their sexual issues 

and i dont find it sexy when number 2 does these things 

 

 

 

281021

Mary Christmas 

 

 

 

281021

speaking of rude 

baby mother had me sprayed with virussy perfume yesterday 

while i made my way down a ramp on crutches 

 

 

 

 

271021

sometimes there is doing done 

from a position of superiority 

which is not empathy 

 

 

 

 

271021

chuckster is contacting musicians i have played on the mental health forum 

and asking them to diss me for political reasons 

apparently this makes him God 

 

 

 

271021

thankyou yes its sorted itself out now 

i will save it for next time 

 

 

 

261021

dairy makes alot of mucus

 

 

 

251021

her mates watched my viscous video on satellite 

and he fell for it 

whats new 

 

 

 

 

251021

number six wants a divorce whats new ? 

 

 

 

251021

i am swollen like a boil ready to burst 

the music sounds visceral 

like the paper peeling off the walls 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

241021

having to watch us must be horrific 

 

 

 

241021

electric flashes 

 

 

 

241021

empaths are not always kind
there are dark empaths or those with a dark side too

at the extreme end manifesting in the occult

 

241021

with trembling hands 

and trembling heart 

i offer up my soul 

 

 

 

241021

 

the energy of a light worker 

a body of light 

that  blurs and hazes

Vwoorp Vwoorp 

a broken down piano frame 

scraped with a key 

with loads of feedback

 

 

241021

 

there was a young neighbour tapping on the wall 

that was kinda rough 

but he knows what hes doing 

not sure if im going to need another one

 

things seem to be moving

as though there is wind when there isnt 

like the wallpaper is peeling 

 

he doesnt need to explain person centred 

rogerian psychotherapy  

and all tha follows 

n im not even all that well tonight 

 

 

 

 

 

word jam : painting as a song

the cam girl is about to tell me
that nobody is listening and that I'm tired
which she does about 1 am every night

chuckster getting started
on his ' married couple standup routine '
author is weighing in too
with her very public desire for me
n she promotes gay conversion therapy

chuckster and other occult forces
probably ruined a few of my relationships
so that i dont know how they would have panned out

k n im waiting for someone to turn me on

painting as a song
my legs were shaking
n this is not about politics
ive made a little ghost baby

i smell great
after all that light blasting through me

taking out all my anger
rubble falling away
a blissful devastation
fluffy plumes of pink light
like fairy lights in the window

there were only two players
but the other one was not aware of the game
light released from the root chakra
leaving a crater

the tension builds to a crescendo
like a bucking horse
finding energy i didnt have
i am caught on the end of a hook
thrashing about and gasping for air
my limbs splayed like an octopus

i could have picked someone more convenient
for an easier life
but then i wouldnt get the growth

he is light hearted and fun
without being shallow
and his communication is very contemporary and kind

i melted like a Salvador Dali

im not very ceremonious am i

earthquake techtonic plate
my sense of reality is shaken
the earth opens up and swallows me
is this the psychosis that saw Ophelia

shimmering scintillation
muscle spasms like a snail

thats a bit personal isnt it
it stings like a wasp
nearly got side tracked there
but not where you think
i am obliterated
never mind their artful tactics
we are scatologically ours
nobody does it better

whole heap a trouble
tryna keep up with a young stud

231021

A1 and baby mother had me harrassed at the supermarket 

 

 

 

211021

painting as a song 

 

 

 

 

201021

my legs were shaking 

 

 

 

191021

k step 1 is called Name 

 

 

 

191021

this is not about politics 

 

 

 

 

191021

k so i work with my ex so we're quits 

but you are very judgmental about that 

 

 

 

191021

ive made a little ghost baby  

191021

 

you told me Nic was a casual thing 

but somehow you have become her daughters step father 

its difficult to get my head around that 

especially with us having no way of contacting each other 

 

 

181021

k now baby mother is defending me against my relatives 

 

 

 

181021

opulence 

 

 

 

181021

im not currently feeling turned on by number two 

but we can go for a coffee if he wants 

 

 

 

 

 

181021 

omission , cuckooing

181021

number two just protected me from thc chuckster 

both of them can see what is going on here from satellite 

 

 

 

181021

the chuckster is threatening to collaborate with my young neighbours

in the hope i will go back to him 

171021

 

i can smell my womb

and it smells great ! 

after all that light blasting through it 

 

 

 

171021

baby mother planning the offensive on number six again 

 

 

 

 

171021

nic is harrassing me online 

 

 

 

161021

 

taking out all my anger 

rubble falling away 

a blissful devastation  

fluffy plumes of pink light 

like fairy lights in the window 

 

 

 

 

161021

 

there were only two players 

but the other one was not aware of the game 

light released from the root chakra 

leaving a crater 

 

the tension builds to a crescendo 

like a bucking horse 

finding energy i didnt have 

i am caught on the end of a hook 

thrashing about and gasping for air 

my limbs splayed like an octopus