i just keep forgetting that Abi is going to put me down.

Having suggested the meal out

when i return her call she says 'what can i do for you'

as if she is doing me a favour.

I have invited her to the meal with Sarah

and tonight i can see a really clear difference between the two of them.

Abi seems to think socialising is about an exchange of opinions.

Where Sarah is just enjoying your company ...

Sarah seems to do step 10 all the time

i don't even know if she has been to a 12 step programme

but she observes her mistakes in a really healthy way.

On the other hand i wouldn't like to dump Abi altogether

that doesnt feel right

or maybe i am not ready to let go of her

she's bright and intelligent and fun

and she puts me down


i put this to my Higher Power to sort it out


love in fellowship



and she is colourful


i just hope she doesnt ruin my friendship with Sarah 

i assume you mean assumptions about his mother !

Sounds good to me

I've pre-empted and constructed a scenario

that might not be true.

It still hurts that i don't get a Christmas card

maybe that is an 'expectation' is it , i.e. a premeditated resentment !

one day? i feel that Christmas goes on for the whole of december

and causes the kind of slips that lead you to give money to drug addicts

or to lost touch with your own feelings through over concern about others

id like to reinvent the idea of Christmas as a time to celebrate ourselves

and treat ourselves to the ultimate holiday !

lif 

Sex n the Stix

what goes on in the erotic poetry forums 

people threatening each other 

and getting their hearts broken 

you wouldn't think so

cycling through the stages of grief 

like a real life with real people 

all the more intensified by Christmas. 

Alot of these people have partners 

and seek to spice up their life with the internet 

instead of being bored with one person 

its like an epidemic

Interesting to see what will happen 

if I'm more empowered 

and can pick and choose when i have sex 

the programme gives us a breathing space 

it feels like i get into a boat 

instead of drowning in the sea ... 




4pm 

in my post brother slip

i find myself valuing Abi's friendship

more than Sarah's. Both of them have suggested

a Christmas meal in a restaurant

and i thought about combining the two

so that we can all meet together

even though Sarah doesnt know Abi

and Abi is more a feature of my sick side than Sarah is

so why invite them to the same meal ...

love in fellowship


Christmas messes with my co-dependency

which misinterprets the idea of generosity

like as if i have faulty wiring ...

art whisperer

041214 , 2pm

my pet robot 

did a better watercolour than me 

a new species

i think i just saw a healthy relationship !

i have a new friend called Sarah. She apologised one day

for snapping at me and i really like that in a person.

I just met her boyfriend. He was kind and gentle with her friends

and affectionate with her in a non embarrassing way.

I feel as if I've never seen that before.

Ive just apologised to her

because she bought me a hot chocolate and i omitted to thank her.

My recovery has brought me to a point

where i start to appreciate gentleness!

love in fellowship Lucie Robson

ps also two people from the area have responded to my query

about swearing. Ive yet to follow up their calls

and I'm amazed to get this response this doesnt normally happen

something must have changed in me