160517 

i sprinkled ground almonds on my pasta
and called it 'armezan' ! 

150517   6.50 pm

this terrible fear
of making mistakes 
of equipment going wrong 
and theres no-one to talk to 
and I'm to blame

i snagged my finger 
its bleeding 
and now i feel traumatised 
im in shock , wrapped in a blanket 

shivering and all alone ... 

song : bad boys

130517    4pm

I like the bad boys  

like a lost puppy 

looks so vulnerable 

and then I'm surprised 

when I'm treated badly 

maybe he gets violent 

when it all goes wrong 

and now I'm very selfish 

and lost all my friends 

they don't trust me any more 

n i just like the pain

the next big thrill 

will be the last 

its what i really want 

someone thats not appropriate 

thats in a bit of a state 

i should know better 

and leave them alone 

130517    4pm

I'm attracted to bad boys 
who are a bit vulnerable 
like a lost puppy 
and then I'm surprised when I'm being treated badly 
and maybe they get violent 
then it all goes wrong and you have to call the police 

and I've become very selfish 
and lost all my friends 
or someone might not trust me any more 
its all a bit sado masochistic really 

i always think the next big thrill will be the last 
i seem to be more interested in thrill seeking at the moment 
and then i fancied someone from AA 
and its not appropriate 
he is in a  bit of a state 

i should know better and leave him alone 

22.49 pm 

there is a video coming through 
which seems to be taking ages processing ... 
are the fib trying to block it ? 

song : n then you wanna die

100517    9.30 pm 


this pain in my soul 
is like a big black hole 
what is this pain 
that plagues me again ? 

theres work to be done 
challenges to overcome 
don't know if I'm gonna make it 
n i just can't fake it 

this pain is so real 
n wont seem to heal 
until i don't know when 
im all alone again 

this pain is so bad 
the worst i ever had 
sometimes i get so high 
n then i just wanna die 

080517 1 am

i need to draw out the poison
before i speak to him
remember its the bottle talking

this terrible pain in my heart
where is my family ?
why am i all alone
like a lost baby

i hope my daddy
doesnt find this
he'll be so mad
i just gotta get this pain out