I thought Id masturbate
once a week maximum
so whats the minimum ... once a month say ?
4pm
I get stage fright when i am painting
the first thing is to let go
and stop beating yourself up ...
some call it the Super Bowl,
playing your cards, getting your heart broken
and I do it as well
having multiple loves
as if i always need to be somewhere else
other than where i am
the pain of loving someone too much to be with ...
the harpie Nic and cloud clockwork and bisto are not welcome to read my blog or use me in any way , there are thoughts in your own head huns
Saturday, 31 January 2015
Friday, 30 January 2015
Thursday, 29 January 2015
Wednesday, 28 January 2015
Tuesday, 27 January 2015
Sunday, 25 January 2015
Saturday, 24 January 2015
rehab
Im absolutely positive
you did not make your husband depressed
by wanting too much sex ...
4pm
sex can make you feel suicidal
and so empty inside ...
it can make you feel a bit mental
I abstained for about 6 months
and built other things into my life
like inviting my nephews round
and i thought i was just past it
that my sexual feelings had declined with age.
Now they have come back
i have both sets of emotions to deal with ...
you did not make your husband depressed
by wanting too much sex ...
4pm
sex can make you feel suicidal
and so empty inside ...
it can make you feel a bit mental
I abstained for about 6 months
and built other things into my life
like inviting my nephews round
and i thought i was just past it
that my sexual feelings had declined with age.
Now they have come back
i have both sets of emotions to deal with ...
Friday, 23 January 2015
and then i was sprayed with steroids
to stop the sensation
2020
the committee had my neighbour
slam a door
while i was masturbating
in order to spoil it for me ...
how do they know ...
because of satellite information
and mobile phones
***********************************
yesterday the committee targeted me with viruses
and gave me cellulitis on my leg ...
to stop the sensation
2020
the committee had my neighbour
slam a door
while i was masturbating
in order to spoil it for me ...
how do they know ...
because of satellite information
and mobile phones
***********************************
yesterday the committee targeted me with viruses
and gave me cellulitis on my leg ...
Wednesday, 21 January 2015
1 - 4 pm
Lager had me followed by actresses
to let me know how this project is getting on
and apparently we are "all stalking each other "
12.54
the committee
said that Lager is to watch a film of me having a wank
make a cover version
and that Dev is to be forced to watch it
apparently my dad has watched some of the films
that were taken without my permission
and has estimated which ones were about Dev
and that they have to 'safeguard vulnerable people'
Lager had me followed by actresses
to let me know how this project is getting on
and apparently we are "all stalking each other "
12.54
the committee
said that Lager is to watch a film of me having a wank
make a cover version
and that Dev is to be forced to watch it
apparently my dad has watched some of the films
that were taken without my permission
and has estimated which ones were about Dev
and that they have to 'safeguard vulnerable people'
Tuesday, 20 January 2015
Myra
I remember being held in her arms in Bognor
and she was so full of love
like really the best Mum in the whole world
just being held in her arms
a kind of love i have forgotten
in my adult relationships with men ...
the purity of a mothers love
and she would sing to us ...
'we all shine on
like the moon, the stars and the sun'
we kept on asking her to sing it again ... x
and she was so full of love
like really the best Mum in the whole world
just being held in her arms
a kind of love i have forgotten
in my adult relationships with men ...
the purity of a mothers love
and she would sing to us ...
'we all shine on
like the moon, the stars and the sun'
we kept on asking her to sing it again ... x
1.20pm
scientists are clever enough to know
they can say what they like
and us minions will believe them ...
***************
after shagging around on the internet
we all felt like killing ourselves ...
1.40pm
that hushed muffled feeling
just before it snows ...
1.50
why not just put a bin liner on a plinth ...
*************
22.30
Im feeling a bit wobbly as well.
It started this morning with the snow ...
which makes me worry about getting stranded
and then the Tesco business was upsetting
because a few years ago I was accused of shoplifting
actually i had taken some items absent mindedly and not used the automatic
scientists are clever enough to know
they can say what they like
and us minions will believe them ...
***************
after shagging around on the internet
we all felt like killing ourselves ...
1.40pm
that hushed muffled feeling
just before it snows ...
1.50
why not just put a bin liner on a plinth ...
*************
22.30
Im feeling a bit wobbly as well.
It started this morning with the snow ...
which makes me worry about getting stranded
and then the Tesco business was upsetting
because a few years ago I was accused of shoplifting
actually i had taken some items absent mindedly and not used the automatic
checkout properly
I was banned for about 2 months after which they listened to my pleas
and letters from friends
we managed to convince them that i didn't do it on purpose
getting all the items out to be checked on the desk
reminded me of how humiliating that was
and how ashamed i felt about my illness
actually nothing really bad has happened today
just weird things like the kitchen cupboard wont shut you know
little things
we shall be wobbly together on Friday !
like you I'm looking forward to that sort of therapeutic activity to take my mind
I was banned for about 2 months after which they listened to my pleas
and letters from friends
we managed to convince them that i didn't do it on purpose
getting all the items out to be checked on the desk
reminded me of how humiliating that was
and how ashamed i felt about my illness
actually nothing really bad has happened today
just weird things like the kitchen cupboard wont shut you know
little things
we shall be wobbly together on Friday !
like you I'm looking forward to that sort of therapeutic activity to take my mind
off it
ps the end result of the snow
and the Tesco fiasco
was a feeling like i was being held at customs in Siberia !
ps the end result of the snow
and the Tesco fiasco
was a feeling like i was being held at customs in Siberia !
Saturday, 17 January 2015
I think because my heart has been broken so much
I tend to get a pornographic image in my head ...
when your heart is broken you find yourself going for that
now i find it difficult to put the love and sex together
actually the sex is much better when you are in love
4pm
I thought maybe 15 minutes a week
might be OK for masturbation ...
and its alot more than that
when you count the time spent writing about it
and making up songs
I tend to get a pornographic image in my head ...
when your heart is broken you find yourself going for that
now i find it difficult to put the love and sex together
actually the sex is much better when you are in love
4pm
I thought maybe 15 minutes a week
might be OK for masturbation ...
and its alot more than that
when you count the time spent writing about it
and making up songs
Friday, 16 January 2015
Thursday, 15 January 2015
ideas
22.45
I don't think anyone has really explored
the idea of a box
as a beautiful thing, attractive boxes are difficult to find
and yet the idea has so much potential
i feel its a gap in the market ...
I don't think anyone has really explored
the idea of a box
as a beautiful thing, attractive boxes are difficult to find
and yet the idea has so much potential
i feel its a gap in the market ...
Finches Claw
22.09
it wasnt until she left him
and had gone out with someone else
that she felt truly free to write about him ...
it wasnt until she left him
and had gone out with someone else
that she felt truly free to write about him ...
Wednesday, 14 January 2015
Tuesday, 13 January 2015
23.13
its been some years
since i watched pornography now
however i find certain scenes
stick in my mine ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6b33PTbGxk
its been some years
since i watched pornography now
however i find certain scenes
stick in my mine ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6b33PTbGxk
Myra continued
she was in a sense
your ideal mother ...
very self-sacrificing , very devoted
and full of love for her children
she was always there when you got home
you had 3 cooked meals a day
and she would really pay attention to you
When things went wrong i guess she was 'just too good to be true'
and quality time, outings , holidays
and creative suggestions when we were bored
and how she moulded me ...
giving you lots of compliments
she told me i was clever and pretty
later she went on to say that i was ignorant and stuck up
that i was cold, uncaring
her words serving to programme the chips in my head ....
x
your ideal mother ...
very self-sacrificing , very devoted
and full of love for her children
she was always there when you got home
you had 3 cooked meals a day
and she would really pay attention to you
When things went wrong i guess she was 'just too good to be true'
and quality time, outings , holidays
and creative suggestions when we were bored
giving you lots of compliments
she told me i was clever and pretty
later she went on to say that i was ignorant and stuck up
that i was cold, uncaring
her words serving to programme the chips in my head ....
x
Monday, 12 January 2015
Myra was an encouraging teacher ...
I remember having difficulty learning the piano to start with
and she said just try to master one bar at a time
before you knew it i was memorising whole pieces !
we had alot of quality mother and daughter time
doing baking and needlework
although she didn't seem to want help with the cleaning
we had long conversations about religion and philosophy
and she was very cuddly
at night she would lie on my bed
and tell me stories she had made up about our cat and budgie x
I remember having difficulty learning the piano to start with
and she said just try to master one bar at a time
before you knew it i was memorising whole pieces !
we had alot of quality mother and daughter time
doing baking and needlework
although she didn't seem to want help with the cleaning
we had long conversations about religion and philosophy
and she was very cuddly
at night she would lie on my bed
and tell me stories she had made up about our cat and budgie x
12.0115 00.16
Sunday, 11 January 2015
Saturday, 10 January 2015
Myra Eulogy continued part 3
100115
7.20pm
it was difficult to get my brother up in the morning
Eeeeeee ... ( his nickname )
tira gerrump now
bekkast is on the tayboo ...
I held up his dressing gown so that he could get into his
and shepherded him down stairs
for his bacon grill
like one wrapped in a blanket
who had just seen a mass murder ...
090115
she liked documentaries and Panorama
and the 3 of us would cuddle in front of the TV
she was always very concerned that we should be enjoying ourselves
and that we be polite and respectful to all people
and would pull me up on my rudeness.
7.20pm
it was difficult to get my brother up in the morning
Eeeeeee ... ( his nickname )
tira gerrump now
bekkast is on the tayboo ...
I held up his dressing gown so that he could get into his
and shepherded him down stairs
for his bacon grill
like one wrapped in a blanket
who had just seen a mass murder ...
090115
she liked documentaries and Panorama
and the 3 of us would cuddle in front of the TV
she was always very concerned that we should be enjoying ourselves
and that we be polite and respectful to all people
and would pull me up on my rudeness.
mad hatters party
19.37
I think they might be spraying steroids in here again
in case i might masturbate ?
these recent attacks stike me as the style of Enders ...
I think they might be spraying steroids in here again
in case i might masturbate ?
these recent attacks stike me as the style of Enders ...
Friday, 9 January 2015
Thursday, 8 January 2015
the mad hatters tea party
23.27
the committee had me sprayed with steroids
while i was having a wank
the committee had me sprayed with steroids
while i was having a wank
Myra
my mother was a Goddess of Love
of affection
a bit other worldly
too sensitive for this planet
the smell of her sunday casserole
wafting up the stairs
the atmosphere a warm glow
9.29
00.20
and how we adored her,
the 3 of us against the world
or 5 if you count the cat and budgerigar
a loss so great I am raising it 30 years later .
the delicate music of her voice
she wanted us to be kind
like one day we were waiting at the dentist
and a lady was crying .
She had to stay for an operation on her abcess
and could not get home to tell the baby sitter.
Myra took us miles out of our way
to get that message to the baby sitter
with the 2 of us whining and wingeing all the way !
of affection
a bit other worldly
too sensitive for this planet
the smell of her sunday casserole
wafting up the stairs
the atmosphere a warm glow
9.29
00.20
and how we adored her,
the 3 of us against the world
or 5 if you count the cat and budgerigar
a loss so great I am raising it 30 years later .
the delicate music of her voice
she wanted us to be kind
like one day we were waiting at the dentist
and a lady was crying .
She had to stay for an operation on her abcess
and could not get home to tell the baby sitter.
Myra took us miles out of our way
to get that message to the baby sitter
with the 2 of us whining and wingeing all the way !
Wednesday, 7 January 2015
Tuesday, 6 January 2015
Monday, 5 January 2015
050115
what would you say at your brothers funeral
if something were to happen to him ?
hint - why not say it while he is alive ...
what would i say about my aunt
i would miss the sweetness and warmth of your personality
chatting and fun days together clearing out junk
and going for a drive
the feeling of light and happiness of being with you and your friend Lyn
one time we even prayed together
if i thought of one thing that sums you up
its those flower fairies
when your spirit is free like a butterfly
sometimes you talk to me like a mother
the tea and sympathy
you praying for me when i was very ill
and i know you really concentrated
and gave me all you could Frankie
i would miss so much having you in my life
that would be one black hole for me over there in Northwood
where you live in your childhood home
with happy memories of 4 generations in that house
i hope you like my tapestry it reminds me of your sister Myra
who is now a black hole
and maybe i will be inspired to talk to her
i will send the conversation to you
love from Lucie
what would you say at your brothers funeral
if something were to happen to him ?
hint - why not say it while he is alive ...
what would i say about my aunt
i would miss the sweetness and warmth of your personality
chatting and fun days together clearing out junk
and going for a drive
the feeling of light and happiness of being with you and your friend Lyn
one time we even prayed together
if i thought of one thing that sums you up
its those flower fairies
when your spirit is free like a butterfly
sometimes you talk to me like a mother
the tea and sympathy
you praying for me when i was very ill
and i know you really concentrated
and gave me all you could Frankie
i would miss so much having you in my life
that would be one black hole for me over there in Northwood
where you live in your childhood home
with happy memories of 4 generations in that house
i hope you like my tapestry it reminds me of your sister Myra
who is now a black hole
and maybe i will be inspired to talk to her
i will send the conversation to you
love from Lucie
the fib
21.39
Im with Davision ...
why because he is not trying to torture anybody ...
there is always another match tomorrow ...
nb Mitchigan is wheezing on the staircase
indicating that i am be attacked with viruses ...
i think possibly this might have lost me a friend
that woman that didn't want to hug me
might have thought i have flu ...
Im with Davision ...
why because he is not trying to torture anybody ...
there is always another match tomorrow ...
nb Mitchigan is wheezing on the staircase
indicating that i am be attacked with viruses ...
i think possibly this might have lost me a friend
that woman that didn't want to hug me
might have thought i have flu ...
the fib
hint ... non Machiavellian
doesnt necessarily mean Machiavelli - free ...
its just that evolution has brought us to a point
where people are moving on from that
and the derivative is something relatively New Age
the paradox of the internet ...
robots have led us to a clearing
where peoples' communication skills are under fine examination ...
21.05
doesnt necessarily mean Machiavelli - free ...
its just that evolution has brought us to a point
where people are moving on from that
and the derivative is something relatively New Age
the paradox of the internet ...
robots have led us to a clearing
where peoples' communication skills are under fine examination ...
21.05
the fib
20.47
I see ... Fritz can go in the match if he wants
I don't see any sign of personal growth ...
there is a revolution ... as predicted by Joseph Bronowski
people are starting to expect New Age communication skills ...
even on the shop floor ...
Fritz has alot of catching up to do in his spare time ...
please try to submit something non-Machiavellian ...
I see ... Fritz can go in the match if he wants
I don't see any sign of personal growth ...
there is a revolution ... as predicted by Joseph Bronowski
people are starting to expect New Age communication skills ...
even on the shop floor ...
Fritz has alot of catching up to do in his spare time ...
please try to submit something non-Machiavellian ...
Saturday, 3 January 2015
sex n the stix
4pm
i wonder if i should be more open to a real life encounter
last time i did that there was this guy
he did something that my friends found unacceptable
he got out some drugs without asking me
and i went off the idea of continuing with him
its like every time i go out with someone
that kind of thing happens
i wonder if i should be more open to a real life encounter
last time i did that there was this guy
he did something that my friends found unacceptable
he got out some drugs without asking me
and i went off the idea of continuing with him
its like every time i go out with someone
that kind of thing happens
Friday, 2 January 2015
I don't know whats with him ... 6.50am
he thumped up the stairs in shoes
never heard him do that before
Im surprised it didn't wake the Baskervilles it was so loud
and i had tissue in my ears already.
He's very lonely is Mr Mitchigan
sometimes he hovers on the staircase for about 10 minutes
and you never hear anyone round there
and his place is really dilapidated.
I wonder why he wanted to wake me ?
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