jupitersterrain four

150415 12.45pm 

i thought surveillance cameras 

were being used to view women in their bedrooms 

so its like 'watch this ya bastards' ... ! 




with my grandmothers 

its like i ve healed and I've got these lovely memories of them 

so i feel them inside, 

im not really talking about a ghost ... 


the place where my mother should be 

is a gaping black hole 

that makes me vulnerable to addictions and dangerous people ... 


' her victory makes her sisters defeat seem all the more bitter ' ... Paolo Coelho 

I not only have survivors guilt around my mothers death 

but also around my brothers addiction ... 



12.20

i find that softening my gaze 

and not trying too much i do the word search quicker 

than i do using a methodical way ... 




tied together with Ben 

a little Buddha 

tied down with other peoples needs