jupitersterrain four

" Dear Ben

sorry if i havent always learned to respect your wild and beautiful spirit

as you know i am not always very well myself

especially just now they are trying to take me off the lorazepam .

Sometimes i don't have anything to give ...

Im hoping we will go for a coffee sometime with your son

maybe when i am feeling up to it

i will let you know

all the best with your mysterious journey in life

I couldn't pretend to understand you

and with age i realise more how little i know

and i always do love you

you matter very much to me and i don't want to lose you ...

that would cause me unbearable pain


love from Liz and Myra "


"I don't always know how to respect your wild and beautiful spirit

and i am not always well myself

especially just now they are trying to take me off the lorazepam .

Sometimes i don't have anything to give ... "


I sometimes feel jealous of him

like he's a really cool musician for instance

and very expressive with his feelings

very 'present' with other people

very funny , that sort of thing, life and soul of the party ...

I don't know, its a bit of step 4

sometimes i feel like I'm jealous of him

and then i patronise him as though i am superior

im a bit confused about this at the moment

because there are so many sick people in my life

that sometimes i have to patronise people

or ignore them, or give some indication that they are invading my space ...

ps very deeply ingrained conditioning this ...

like growing up in an all white community in London

you know, where i was a high flyer

i have a built in sense of superiority

coupled with a feeling of worthlessness

that comes from not understanding your true values ... lif