jupitersterrain four

hi God , did Paul kill John 




if only i had faith in my mind 

the way i do my hip 

injury ... 

perhaps I'm here to see

what happens after my death 





11am 

or perhaps i impersonated 

my own orgasm 

too thoroughly 


1pm 



*******************
n at the same time i do need 

to cultivate other ambitions like the decorating 

and a greater appreciation of the journey 



perhaps now io have sexual anorexia 

you know it can go both 

ways like food 

n i feel irritable and critical 

you know how it is 








*************************


Im looking online for something 

to trigger my sex addiction 

n feeling like a loser if it doesnt happen 





I didn't really want him romantically 

i just wanted him to want me 





amazing meeting 

n in teresing the online stuff ( typo ) 

you'd imagine the meeting 30 years ago 

would be like I'm having an affair 

with my neighbours wife 

n its like this online pornography thing  

like occasionally ill sort of get off with someone 

n not go all the way n maybe 

i should be more open to that 

next time it happens because 

at least its something real 

evenm if its dysfunctional 

amnd  not going anywhere 

i couodl have pushed myself 

into it more 


i thought there was no point getting 

into that when ill be wanting 

to get back to my online stuff 

150214

its as if my whole self esteem depends on me having an orgasm 

and doing it a certain way ... 

i catually do need other feelings ( typo ) 

to be going on to like as if 

theres nothing sexual going 

on then there is nothing else going on 

i actually spent the afternoon 

crying n those feelings were worth 

having i need more a variety 

of feelings to be going on 

in order to have a healthy sexuality 






1212

i have to move some old films