2.30pm

l : get off my lorry

m : you can't make me 

m : I need to get to England 

l : what to claim benefits ? 

m : no, you've got more work over there, i need to get over there 

l : people like you are going to get shot 

m : thats not really ethical is it 

l : depends if you are a terrorist  

m : not everyone is an immigrant or a terrorist . Im staying on this lorry 

and if you try to remove me i will do you for assault ... 

l : you're causing strikes and transport disruption ... 

     

m : you might end up shooting someone 

who is not being violent ... 

and what is going to happen to the children ?  

l : shouldn't you be put in prison ? 

23.00

m : Im a human being. What about my right to flee from danger ... 

**********************

nb what these people don't seem to grasp 

is that this is an historic moment 

and our handling of the situation will be forever engraved upon us ... 

***********************


030815   

are the French deporting or culling them ? 

20.11

maybe if you have a robot repeat 

' I am conscious ' 

over and over again ... 

300715 

Thats good if you can be less judgmental towards yourself

Usually i can only get out of a relationship by fully appreciating it

and giving myself that love and understanding

to understand yes this is why i like this person

why he is such an important part of my life

and only then i can look at why i need to leave him

as part of the whole picture ...

1.50pm

we've never really recovered from things being mechanised

the 60's and 70's were more significant

people are not really grounded , in touch with the earth 

because of computers ... 

the 60s was a paradise ... 

2.30pm

why did you hurt Jasmines hand ? 

it was restraint, she tried to hit me the day before

I don't remember

but she didn't hit you on that day ... 

Ive got to dot the i's and cross the t's 

Grosvenor House Park Lane OK ? 

2.30pm

l : get off my lorry

m : you can't make me 

m : I need to get to England 

l : what to claim benefits ? 

m : no, you've got more work over there, i need to get over there 

l : people like you are going to get shot 

m : thats not really ethical is it 

l : depends if you are a terrorist  

m : not everyone is an immigrant or a terrorist . Im staying on this lorry 
and if you try to remove me i will do you for assault ... 

l : you're causing strikes and transport disruption ... 
     
m : you might end up shooting someone 
who is not being violent ... 
and what is going to happen to the children ?  


l : shouldn't you be put in prison ? 

23.00

m : Im a human being. What about my right to flee from danger ... 

19.26

Im with Davision thanks 

I do not consent for my materials 

to be used in torturing him 

or forcing him to his ex partner 

thanks for the respect ... 

23.14

a technocracy in effect ... 

antoher thing we got talking about was surveillance.

You said there is too much of it

and what happens if it gets into the hands of a dictatorship ...

what then follows for me is that is already the case ...

I feel we have become part of America

we are ruled by the American right wing extremists


an extreme form of capitalsm.

The select committee makes decisions during the night

this committee is formed of Europeans and Americans working together

the lawmakers, making new statutes every ngith during the small hours

you can follow their discussions in the breaking news

and the newspaper commentaries.

I used to stay up all night trying to follow the discussion

but now i don't.

They use analogies to make a point.

e.g. when integration of special needs was compared to

religious integration in Irish schools

two very different scenarios,

and yet somehow the analogy seems to serve its purpose

more effective than making a direct point ...



The Global Brotherhood as described by David Icke

describes how some of the worlds leading intelligence agencies

work together to control their populations

and originate from some ancient 'houses'

my picture of things would be a little different from his perhaps

but he holds a part of the truth ...



anyway i jumped out of my bedroom window because of the surveillance ...

im not saying that was a good idea

but it does convey how strongly i felt about it ...

apparently my Al-Anon meeting 

has become infiltrated 

with an American version 

involving very strict rules, like phoning your sponsor at 8am

and targetting newcomers 

with that type of sponsor ... 




**********

1pm I was followed by a fib agent 

talking about someone 'business development manager' 

the hint was that my nephew might suffer another redundancy 

if i don't offer my body to Fritzle ... 

they could have left him at BUPA

instead of messing with him like this 

American Express made him redundant, 

offered to take him back , 

and are now threatening to make him redundant again ... 

im not sure how much my nephew can take 

i think he is more vulnerable than he would appear ... 

12.07pm

Im with Davision thanks ... 

i do not consent for my materials 

to be used in torturing him 

or forcing him to his ex partner ... 

thanks for the respect ... 

13.32

the fib are firing bugs at my computer 

240715   4pm

its not so much that he is a dad ... 

we would not be allowed to meet 

because of his job

and professional boundaries ... 

12.30pm

I was sprayed with a virus again while i slept this morning ... 

20.03

which BFF is that ? 

11am

the fib have set me up with a nuisance caller 

calling himself pcxpertj 

who is hoping i will got on my computer with him 

presumably so he can gain remote access ... 

there was also some violent fib propaganda on the tv 

10.29

the committee

had me sprayed with a heavy throat virus during the night ... 

i think because i didn't yet respond to Fritzles overture ... 

it was a very good overture 

very challenging 

but this kind of violence really puts me off ... 

240715   5.30pm

the future is none of my business ... 

20.48

so anyway , 

yesterday Kim said that i was using too much blotting paper 

using up the worlds trees 

and i said I'm sure they will plant some new ones. 

I was disappointed with myself for that ... 

planting new ones is no compensation for deforestation ...

the new plantations are very ugly 

and you can't walk on them because the deep ridges twist your feet 

and i dare say that animals such as deer and wolves would find it difficult as well ... 

i should have said that i felt pressurised 

and i don't know if i will have the opportunity to explore that with her again 

or what she would have said had i given that answer ... 

240715  00.01

yes i know what is wrong with my tree planting argument ... 

******************

if Myra = love 

then does love = Myra ? 

220715 noon



Today i was at an art class in Brighton

doing 'mono prints'

and one of the other participants said i was using too many paper towels to blot my painting ...

i had to blot it to make it dry as we can't leave our work in that place

and i was indeed using alot of paper , so she did have a point ...

but it sounded blunt and bossy to me was how i felt

and i said iim sure they will plant more trees

which i thought was a 'weak answer'

she caught me off guard ...

should have been followed by

' I feel like I'm being told what to do '

18.27

I am backing up stuff onto my new g drive 

it is going to take about 50 minutes it says 

i would be grateful if people could keep an eye on the fib during this time 

thankyou ... 

18.09

the fib are harassing me with nuisance phone calls 

and false claims about my bill payments ... 

17.21

Dr, Dr ... i feel like a sponge ... 

OK i will give you another wring in a few days 

the waiting list is a bit of a squeeze ... 

21.56

the fib are firing viruses at my computer ... 

060715

10am

she feels her love for him 

all raw and milky 





a

1.45pm 

she loved him like a tender little duck 

n it was all fluffy 


100715 18.06

as she fluttered around him 

making little pecks on his cheek 


210715    

she wanked herself off like a budgie on a perch 

n it made her feel vey grown up 

23.22

there is talk of deporting him because of his relationship with myself ... 


21.15

Im with Davision thanks 

i do not consent for my materials to be used in torturing him 

or forcing him to his ex partner ... 

thanks for the respect ... 

21.11

the fib are firing viruses at my computer ... 

i have had to re-start it twice today ... 

their actors are also chattering outside my house ... 

rehab

180715   4pm 

currently i have a relationship 

where we speak to each other of other loves 

rather than focusing on each other 

this seems to work better and bring us closer 

than i was in other more romantic relationships ... 

160715  8pm

a sign of the times 

people breaking arrangements at the last minute

because of mobile phones. 

What that has done to us 

Like living in another country

drama group

stop wingeing

he spends more time with other men and women ... 

your emotional repertoire the size of a mouse 

a mouse would have more emotions to speak of ... 

communicating in a non aggressive way is more powerful 

people who don't have those skills can sometimes feel overpowered 

future scenarios : 

care homes , Alanon, gay terminology , sex changes, 

dementia, altzheimers, old people, LGBT drop in 

00.26

someone just sneezed outside 

suggesting anohter biological attack on me 

from the committee, or the fib ... 

12.30pm

the committee 

sent two actresses to harass me at a cafe in Brighton ... 

they called themselves Penny and Laurel ...

they sat next to me in the empty cafe ... 

and delivered another virus


*************

meanwhile in other news 

Amanda seems to have stopped me having lesbian fantasies ... 

8.59am

i feel like I'm coming down with something 

maybe the virus that the fib gave me on Saturday in the cafe ... 

18.47

Dev has reminded me that we are married 

that is true thanks ... 

rehab

23.10

I am finding your input very helpful

I feel as if we are trying to adjust a lens

to get the right focus

that is not distorted or blurred ...

rehab

110715 4pm

some of my fantasies

have had a more loving, nurturing quality about them ... 

***********

my addiction 

feels like a slippery substance in my hands 

what is wrong with staying turned on ... 

whatever it is i want it can wait 

shared fantasies can become a bit s/m sometimes 

it can be quite painful 

to hear that your partner is thinking about someone else, 

but i prefer that kind of honesty 

thats the best defence i can make against fantasy ... 

************

not all thrill seeking its bad 

it depends how dangerous it is 

21.31

Im with Davision thanks ...

i do not consent for my material 

to be used in torturing him 

or forcing him to his childs mother ... 

thankyou ... 

11.58

the fib 

sent a man to give me a virus 

yesterday at lunchtime in a cafe 

that made me cough ... 

today they are stalking me on twitter ... 

they have  not sought committee approval 

feeling this unnecessary 

100715 noon 

do northerners report less anxiety ? 

yes but more anger ! 

Americans show their excitement more than us 

when they are happy 

whereas we will say 'nice' and 'lovely' ... 

23.49

panorama = paranorma 

070715 2pm 

a minefield of subtle hints 

22.03

my neighbours are making noises 

to suggest that i will be attacked with more germs ... 

this morning 

the committee had a church person visit 

with a leaflet with germs on it 

in support of Lager ... 

she said its a leaflet for family and friends 

11.56

I dreamed i was in bed with someone resembling Craig Charles ... 

it hasn't become sexual ... 

10am

she feels her love for him 

all raw and milky 





a

1.45pm 

she loved him like a tender little duck 

n it was all fluffy 



100715 18.06

as she fluttered around him 

making little pecks on his cheek 

22.17

the Baskervilles 

have been making alot of noise the past few days 

and i have cold sores 

i conclude Baskerville has made a timely visit to his rent boy ... 

12.58pm

they sort of curl their heads under their necks ... 

050715   5pm

mindfulness pulling me deep into the present 

and then i lose it like a battery that needs recharging 

letting go of my loved ones is hard 

when I'm under pressure to do the opposite ... 


Im quite close to my aunt 

and she can mess with my subconscious mind 

to prejudice my decisions ... 

sending me worrying emails late at night ... 


my brain is just like a computer. 

my well meaning relatives have programmed it wrongly 

its alot of hard work to reprogram me

with affirmations and stuff 

after 50 years of conditioning ... 

23.26

Im with Davision thanks ... 

i do not consent for my material to be used 

to manipulate or torture him

or to force him back to his ex partner 

thanks for the respect ... 

22.22

my neighbour just issued 

a biological warfare germ attack 

from the committee ... 

050715    00.32

Im with Davision thanks 

i do not consent for my materials 

to be used in torturing him 

or forcing him to his childs mother ... 

thankyou ... 




nb last night 

the committee had clopixol 

sprayed into my room to give me akathisia ... 

23.24

convincing ... 

040715  4pm

I suppose the fantasy might be related to love addiction 

if its about someone thats not actually here ... 

i got involved in flaming on the internet 

and was banned from some websites 

which wasnt really fair 

as there were other people that got away with it ... 

the person owning a website 

seems to be able to do what they like 



030715 2pm 

the moon

looked all kind of melted 

with its clouds ... 

4pm

English Independence Day ! 

1am

have you actually consulted a specialist ? 

too busy being thin to think about anyone else ... 

and then I've got this to deal with as well ... 

Im struggling in the heat and easily depressed 

praise the good behaviour ? 

vanity 

a fairy tale 

1.48am 

roadkill ... 

7.50am 

when do i ever get any thanks or praise ? 

like well done for phoning him when you are not well yourself ... 

I liked your recent comment

about 'revelling in being dirty'

very poetic ...

Germaine Greer has done alot of stuff on that

i think in The Whole Woman

i actually couldn't finish the book

as i felt too squeamish about it

she says women spend too much time pampering themselves 

with lotions and douches and stuff

as if we are clinically misogynistic towards ourselves.

I was saying that before i went into hospital 

i was really starting to grasp this point

and was having a shower every two days

it was wonderful ! and so healthy for your skin to be left alone too ...

and then i lost it because of being assaulted by a female patient ...




020715 23.45



1.28am 

i do believe in God but who said he is nice ?

23.29

why is Lenny Henry 

dreaming of being a white man ... 

19.45

Dear Dad 

im not really unwell ? 

so what is the medication for then ... 





love Liz ... 

I suppose its good news if i can come off it