jupitersterrain four

anyway so the man who invited us to the pub last week was there
and i thought maybe he is trying to chat me up but i wasnt sure
then this time he came up to me after the meeting and said

" do you want me to hold you while you kick and scream ? ! "

i said i kicked and screamed myself all the way into a mental hospital
and got myself sectioned, how scarey is that !
so i think maybe he is chatting me up
and i found this fun and amusing
but i don't actually fancy him
i also feel a bit vulnerable
as if he is alot more in control of the situation than i am
and i could be 'got around' ...
which is kind of what happened with the last guy ...

or i might feel i have 'led him on' or 'toyed with him'
and therefore have to proceed ... etc ...
and all the stuff that goes with it
like with him he agreed to use a condom and then didnt
and i was too out of my head on amyl nitrate to say anything about it

and Christmas also reduces me to a pulp
where i start talking to homeless people and generally down trodden people
as if i should model myself on Jesus Christ

and not be judgmental
today i gave money to a homeless man called
and then i walked on
then wondered why the next homeless person i saw
didnt deserve as much attention
and was then pounced on by someone with ME
who is quite draining
and all this getting out of hand
with boundaries thrown to the wind because of bloody Christmas !