jupitersterrain four

150417    4pm 

now I'm sitting here 
i can see why you wouldn't want to sleep with a friend's boyfriend 
sounds like 1 + 1 = 2 
but it wasnt 
in my addiction i thought my sexual feelings came first ... 


occasionally i will have a gay fantasy 
and then think oh no i really don't want to be gay 
because of the maternal abuse running in my family 
i would say my curiosity is about 5 % 
and i don't like getting pressure from gay women ... 

i like men who have a feminine side 
they have a really hard time in our culture 
and tend to be quite screwed up 
with all the pressure on men to be Macho ... 
but looking back 
my best experiences were with men who have a feminine side 

and now i understand 
that an experience doesnt have to be abusive
to be mind blowing .. .