310520
what colours are going on inside you ?
im full of the greenery
going on outside
some inky violets and purples and pinks
the harpie Nic and cloud clockwork and bisto are not welcome to read my blog or use me in any way , there are thoughts in your own head huns
Saturday, 30 May 2020
word jam : the hazy warmth of summer
there were three stone statues
traditionally
a ' damsel ' would be very coy with her suitor
he might ask her to marry him several times
before she consent
he was supposed to be a mind reader
and to know he wasnt harassing her
the cold war could be dangerous
tripping off my box
basking in a fantasy
feeling the summer inside,
the hazy warmth
relaxing the pain
as if nothing matters, bliss
losses of sanity at times
feeling paranoid and insane
but able to come out of it
mending inner healing
like a seizure , traumatised
you can hit a place deeper inside
n i told you how to do it
clinging to a log in a stormy sea
my little boat is sunk
ECT
take up thy bed and walk
you are having a fit
im in shock from the earthquake
thats knocked the stuffing out of me
I've lost the plot and gone mad
I've blown my brains out
im not worried about dying
I'm more concerned with how I'm living
like a giant octopus
i look like I've been electrocuted
with my arms and legs
kicking out everywhere
enjoying the ugly parts
the inner teenager
where we get our lust for adventure
our detachment and our passion
a fire pit of filth
the occult
the live hexing stacks
if there is any chance
of you giving your son another sibling
you should go for it
tailgating , angel wishes
its all got too much
he wanted revenge
for when i did that to him
although i didnt know it then
i wasnt trying to hurt him
push back the shadows
I've never done anything to hurt him
its like there is a drum skin
inside my soul, inside my chest
being beaten black and blue
the pain throbbing in my heart
Wednesday, 27 May 2020
Tuesday, 26 May 2020
Sunday, 24 May 2020
240520
a tortoise
im so behind with stuff I end up rushing my food
and getting indigestion
reminds me of living in a squat where you would rush your dinner
before someone comes in starving and asks you to share it !
not enough ?
there was this friend who trained as a psychiatric nurse
then became unwell herself
and continued as a patient
with the intention of using her skills to help others
and to recover from her own horrific experiences
she has lost her trust in men
and feels that all women would be better off lesbians
so she grooms younger women
in the hope of gaining sexual favours from them
Friday, 22 May 2020
Wednesday, 20 May 2020
Monday, 18 May 2020
Saturday, 16 May 2020
Friday, 15 May 2020
Thursday, 14 May 2020
140520
he wanted revenge
for when i did that to him
although i didnt know it then
i wasnt trying to hurt him
push back the shadows
I've never done anything to hurt him
n its very possible
that i have picked up a drug addict
its like there is a drum skin
inside my soul, inside my chest
being beaten black and blue
the pain throbbing in my heart
he's trying to hurt me
he wanted revenge
for when i did that to him
although i didnt know it then
i wasnt trying to hurt him
push back the shadows
I've never done anything to hurt him
n its very possible
that i have picked up a drug addict
its like there is a drum skin
inside my soul, inside my chest
being beaten black and blue
the pain throbbing in my heart
he's trying to hurt me
word jam : the magic roundabout
so deep our souls touched
i wonder if I'm using sex as a drug
feels like my heart and soul are exploding
the tension builds and builds
a sudden jerk of convulsive movement
nerve impulses
sometimes surrender is part of the battle
the magic roundabout
rocking and rolling
stomach pains
no wonder i have ptsd
unreasonable force
flashbacks
leapt out of my skin
turned me inside out
like id been shot
diffiuclty functioning the next day
up until 5 am
rolls over in pain, aching agony
a shock to the system
one of those not the same any more songs
knock knock who's there
like an exploding octopus
or jellyfish or squid
thoroughly mutated
he rocks me
i hammered that one out
moochy and moody
dizzy enough to kill me
my head is spinning
do you like veneer ?
a huge alien jellyfish
reverse time, time travel, time waits, marching time
switching time
time stops
warmth light colours
your body cracks in half
like a streak of lightning
and all grief and darkness engulfs me
I have never met him or even seen what he looks like
the relationship is very uncomfortable
and I'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing
but maybe I like it being painful I dont know !
trying to stuff my feelings down
to put them in denial
this one broke my soul
somebody wants to remove the lyrics
always the wrong person
the wrong person
we could touch each other spiritually
formless, structureless
I feel bitter and deflated !
what was once a blooming flower in me
is now crushed underfoot
these are the struggles
may they become the art of tragedy
just chemistry , just physical compatibility
few days later I'm still in the afterglow
and hes cheated on me with a real person
other ladies making a claim
like a punch in the stomach
in love with love
theres a fortune teller in the cupboard
the lion the witch and the wardrobe
i feel like part of the furniture
what is on the other side ?
n i don't remember
Wednesday, 13 May 2020
Tuesday, 12 May 2020
100520
i think i might have hocd
where you are afraid of becoming gay
i have a gay friend
who is constantly trying to drag me out of the closet
and has not succeeded
but I'm afraid that she might do
because she is cutting me off from everybody else
my therapist doesnt seem that willing
to talk about sexual issues
i think i might have hocd
where you are afraid of becoming gay
i have a gay friend
who is constantly trying to drag me out of the closet
and has not succeeded
but I'm afraid that she might do
because she is cutting me off from everybody else
my therapist doesnt seem that willing
to talk about sexual issues
Sunday, 3 May 2020
040520
and all grief and darkness engulfs me
I have never met him or even seen what he looks like
the relationship is very uncomfortable
and I'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing
its very painful and kind of drags me along with it
but maybe I like it being painful I dont know !
I feel heartbroken again,
its very painful and kind of drags me along with it
but maybe I like it being painful I dont know !
trying to stuff my feelings down
trying to put them in denial
trying to put them in denial