301120

guy no 6 has fallen for a specially prepared bot 

which includes doping by watching films of me 

and having lawyers trawl through my confidential posts 

so they won and he is gawn 

of course the bot wont be actually sleeping with him ... 

 

 

 

 

301120

 

ive had an idea for a ' grounding chair ' 

maybe made of wicker  

with cusions with textures like corduroy and bobbly fabrics 

and some drawers or shelves down the side 

with intersting objects made from natural materials 

like loofah , sea sponges, and wooden shapes, rattles etc  

plus some little books of mindful exercises 

like the one where you notice all the objects of one colour 

so you can sit there and re-connect 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 301120

malicious character assumptions  

from his baby mothers hench women

 301120

pathogenic 

 

 

 

 301120

i feel worked on 

 

 

 

301120

can yous stop trying to force him please 

nobodys growing emotionally 

with that effing caveman stuff going on 

 

 

 

 

 301120

looks like ive stopped them turning me into a pizza yay ! 

 

 

 

 

291120

if you want to enjoy the company of a child
and have their parents permission
its really a case of just enjoying yourself
try to remember what it was like at that age
and if all else fails play the fool
do a silly dance that completely embarrasses you
kids love that !





 

 291120

he left a huge crater 

 

 

 

 291120

the author says everything is dead today 

and continues to refer to me as a male admirer 

 

 

 

 

291120

 

i feel sorry for number two 

and sometimes loving your enemy 

can be taken a step further 

 

 

 

 

 291120

sorry six

just be nice if all and sundry didnt know 

where i was for a change 

 

 

 

 

291120 

the Author doesnt think its possible 

to be sexually abused by a woman 

291120

 

people are very frightened of mental illness 

 

less movement in this one 

sometimes stillness

just focusing on how rude we are to each other 

when you like someone that much 

 

that you just explode 

n then you eat less after such a feast 

which hits you right in the stomach 

making you wince with pleasure 

like a massage from inside 

producing some sort of seizure  

  

n no point copying our games. 

he might want to play something else with you 

 

n maybe orgasms hold the key 

to the origins of the universe 

 

 

 

 

 

29112

the moral treatment
was discarded around the beginning of the last century
you could be committed for cheating on your husband
the mentally ill are always in danger of being enslaved

even trying to get a coffee with someone
meeting people can be very taboo and shocking

forced into treatment and left to think about it on our own !
with other humans tantalisingly out of reach
we can only imagine

ts not always the families fault
if the younger members head for the wilderness
might be to do with an epidemic of harmful behaviours

the triggers coming other trends
which they wish to buck free of
more face to face therapy needed

291120

 

we were in the hay barn when it happened 

dressing a shire horse 

in the end im not entirely sure who it was 

i dissociated it seems in a blackout 

he made a big burned hole in me 

entirely blackened 

 

i have grief for number two

now that its over i miss him but cant go back 

you can never go backwards 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 291120

i dont really have time for sex 

cus im too busy studying 

 

 

 

 

 281120 

n im always busy and pushed for time 

but thus far i am coping 

 281120

warmer 

 

 

 

 

281120

people tell me im tight 

where it comes to buying drinks and stuff 

 

 

 

 

word jam : something to hide

 



i have something to hide
where state surveillance is concerned ... 
transparency ?
no mystery around then ...  


I was thinking of that word as well today 



my claim to oddness was dreams about people 
that I had not met, 

that I then went on to meet
guy no 2 and i have alot in common
but not much of a rapport  



mrs mango mashed miss mumps mercilessly
 
they waits until everyones gone to bed
before hatching a plan to send round the white coats
on pretext she had a desperate call from him ...
i know because the same thing happened to me 
n every effing night a fresh plan
to kidnap no six !

i know i dont have privacy
because people know things i havent told them
I can relate to being pestered every 5 minutes
and plied with memes
 and i will not forget
how you tried to force my hand
 
n yeah i see his point about sensitivity
when ive just shared an orgasm with somoene
and im acting like nothings happened
but he would like my salad pesto recipe
 
how on earth will we know what the guy wants
if yous keep trying to force him ? !
lubricant thanks ha ha !
 
one of the issues with the digital age
is you no longer have the opportunity
to think something through before you announce it
things can be stolen even as you draft them
 
guy no 3 was very concerned
that people be in touch with their feelings
he was much beloved of me 
 
they say i have morning sickness ?
maybe im hebephrenic 
when i caused myself gbh  
i was saying perhaps
that technology cannot take away suffering ...
 
would i like to live in the future ?
not with a world thats all about automation
and proof and science that no longer needs
to value the poet's opinion no
 
no im not back with guy no 3 , not yet
my feelings for guy no 6 are in the way of that

I like weird and wacky things
and have designed a knicker mask
i know this seems to contradict my values
its the sprites what did it  

I'm shrodingers cat
and its unethical to just objectify me
 
serendipity  
n young people these days
are throwing parties where they just flirt
and swear at each other with no music
like coprolalia mate
 
n this is not a manifesto
 
a reminder to the ladies ...
a glass or two of soya milk
will raise your oestrogen levels

im a tortoise w 2 heads
its not what you think  
jumping beans , bubble pop 
 
the Author wants to know
why is she not free to tryfor my affections ?
n i have never hurt her
she is maverick but not for me

i covered up the web cam when i needed to
being lacerated in the wilderness  

im having out of body experiences
because of the lockdown ? going into other dimensions ?  

n im reaching for him like mothers milk
 
the centre of the earh imploded
Aurora Borealis pumping out stars
from a black hole wimpering effulgence
the space ship doors opened in the eerie light
n druggies give you visions
of aliens n toxic psychosis like Bowie  
 
moonglade , yip ,  
strikhedonia , unisex,  shinrin yoku 

281120

transparency 

no mystery around you then ... 

 

 

 

 

271120

 

i have something to hide 

 

where state surveillance is concerned ... 

 

 

 

271120

I was thinking of that word as well today

my claim to oddness was dreams about people
that I had not met, that I then went on to meet shortly afterwards

guy no 2 and i have alot in common 

but not much of a rapport  

271120

mrs mango mashed miss mumps mercilessly 

 

 

 

 

271120

querulous Queen Quills Quids Quick





 

271120

waits until everyones gone to bed

before hatching a plan to send round the white coats 

on pretext she had a desperate call from him ...

i know because the same thing happened to me 

 

 

 

 

271120

n every fucking night a fresh plan 

to kidnap no six ! 

she got no values to offer ?  

keeping everyone awake 

because she wants a last minute baby 

at the age of 50 

while shes drinking and smoking her head off !

 

 

 

 261120

i know i dont have privacy 

because people know things 

i havent told them 

 

 

 

261120

 

perhaps lesbianism 

is one of natures contraceptives

but the idea fills me with grey clouds ... 

 

 

 

 

 

 

261120

I can relate to being pestered every 5 minutes
and plied with memes
sometimes its difficult to prove isn't it

 

 

 

 

 261120

i have not had sexual activity with the Author ! 

 

 

 

 

261120

 

but i will not forget

how you tried to force my hand 

 

 

 

 

261120

 

sixes ex is disgusted 

after watching me have sex ! 

 

 

 

261120

 

n yeah i see his point about sensitivity 

when ive just shared an orgasm with somoene 

and im acting like nothings happened 

 

 

 

 

salad pesto

251120 

 

salad pesto :

rocket watercress raw spinach 

nearly a whole bulb of garlic 

and a round goats cheese 

small packet of basil 

3 tbsp cold pressed oil , enough water 

to make a paste in the blender 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 251120

how on earth will we know what the guy wants 

if yous keep trying to force him ? ! 

 

 

 

 

 251120

theres another plot afoot to kidnap guy no 6 

 

 

 

 

 251120

some people smoke people 

 

 

 

 

 251120

lubricant prefer not ! 

251120

 

one of the issues with the digital age 

is you no longer have the opportunity 

to think something through before you announce it 

things can be stolen even as you draft them 

and it was not intended

that peope read this in order to 

make mental health assessments of me

 

and how did you find it ?   

251120

 

i had an Alanon sponsor 

who reminded me of guy no 3 

in that she was very concerned 

that people be in touch with their feelings 

 

she was much beloved of me 

 

 

 

 

251120

they say i have morning sickness ? 

maybe im hebephrenic  

when i jumped out the window 

i was saying perhaps 

that technology cannot take away suffering ...

 

 

 

251120

 

would i like to live in the future ? 

not with a world thats all about automation

and proof and science 

that no longer needs 

to value the poet's opinion no 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

251120

no im not back with guy no 3 , not yet 

my feelings for guy no 6 are in the way of that 

n please remember this is a poetry blog 

where im exploring stuff , hugs

 

 

 

 

251120

 

tea

241120

guy no z has no chance whatsoever 

because ive never been in love with him 

 

 

 

knicker mask 5

 

241120

I like weird and wacky things

but for mindfulness or relaxation

I need it to be grounded and not wacky 

 

 

 

 

 

 241120

im trying to design a knicker mask 

 

 

 

 

 

241120

 

guy no 2 seems to think 

i was put on this earth for just one thing 

and where my brother is concerned 

im shrodingers cat  

ive said before we work for the same company 

and its unethical to just objectify me

 

 

 

 

241120

 

y'all misread the tortoise comment 

it was a response to a forum trend 

serendipity  

n young people these days 

are throwing parties where they just flirt 

and swear at each other with no music 

 

you know and i didnt know 

this was a manifesto newspaper ! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

241120

 

a reminder to the ladies ... 

a glass or two of soya milk 

will raise your oestrogen levels

which will make you more successful ... 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

231120

 

im a tortoise w 2 heads 

 

241120

 

jumping beans , bubble pop 

 

 

 

 

231120

 

the Author wants to know 

why is she not free to be a contender for my affections ? 

because im not gay 

and because i dont fancy you and feel im being harrassed 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

231120

i have never hurt the Author physically !

maverick

 221120

i covered up the web cam when i needed to 

 it was guy no 6

 

 

 

221120

 

coprolalia 

 

wilderness , lacerated

 

 

 

 221120

am i having out of body experiences 

because of the lockdown ? 

other dimensions ? 
 

 

 

 

221120

n im reaching for him like mothers milk 

 

 

 

 

221120

 

the centre of the earh imploded 

Aurora Borealis pumping out stars 

from a black hole 

wimpering effulgence 

the space ship doors opened 

in the eerie light 

n druggies give you visions 

of aliens n toxic psychosis  like Bowie   

221120

 

moonglade , yip ,  

strikhedonia ,   unisex,  shinrin yoku  

word jam : the emo kid scene

so not OK for the woman to help the man ?
still in survival mode beneath the glass floor

the cam girl managed to create an emotional lockdown
which was really impressive
im trying to see how long we can keep it up 

emptying overthinking, mandala

learning to give yourself unconditional love
is one of the hardest things I find
even if you have had it

because I get enough aggravation and challenge in my life

I've actually had the opportunity to act out
most of my unacceptable ideas actually
apart from expressing my anger

sorry Scarey that was before i went into treatment
i hadnt actually met the guy

I'm almost not used to company now
I'm turning into a wolf !!! 



I used to be in some kind of straight edge emo kid scene

maybe the Author is after the property

is playing by yourself a selfish act
or a responsible act ?

no the cam girl is still abusing me
and has teamed up with the Author
watches non consensual material of me ...
yarn, blancmange, pickled eggs she says
some of which is racist

there was one time the Author posted me
a newspaper cutting which said
' all men are rapists ! '

my stalker is in some ways a very nice lady
generous even

some men are very soft and should not feel bad about it
you know and then we tell them they are not sensitive !

watching the match between guy no 6 other contenders

sins of omission

guy no 6 is feeling broody
and i cant deliver on that front
so he has joined in a venomous tirade against me
he's reacting from his hormones
hormones are a choppy roller coaster

and as ive said before im not taking on the Author

have you ever felt you were switching chairs with the therapist ? !

lest they ' dump their own stuff ' back on the client 



he could contact me though
in real life and suggest a coffee
with physical contact being off the table

i suppose we could explore the ' bases ' idea of olden times

we have lost the right to peaceful protest

maybe his ex had germs sprayed through the open window
i know shes after the peachy head

there would have to be supply and demand
in order for there to be a bubble
well not all economies are based on bubble systems
for instance some live in a needs based economy
I thought the free market was a bit regulated
or is that all out the window with Brexit and covid too !

im not sqeamish about bodies myself
and how we smell and that

 211120

im not sqeamish about bodies myself 

and how we smell and that 

 

 

 

201120

why did we not talk about the ideal self ?

because I was too far down for that ... goals were mentioned lightly

if at all and my self esteem is still damaged in fact

still in survival mode beneath the glass floor

learning to give yourself unconditional love

is one of the hardest things in life I find

even if you have had it at a young age

I've not been happy with gestalt methods in therapy

because I get enough aggravation and challenge in my life

and I expect unconditional self regard from a therapist or support worker

I'm sorry people have found your sensitivities unacceptable

thats particularly a guy thing I think , yes I see what you mean

I've actually had the opportunity to act out

most of my unacceptable thoughts actually in my illness

apart from directly expressing anger which is a bit of a girl thing

I guess people write novels in order to act out

what they are too afraid to

 

201120

 

sorry Scarey 

before i went into treatment 

i hadnt actually met the guy 

 

 

 

 

201120

I saw when talking to him how isolated and paranoid I've become
I'm almost not used to company now

I'm turning into a wolf !!! 

 

 

 

 

 

191120

I was in some kind of straight edge emo kid scene 

at the time

 

191120

 

guy no 2 says im like a mother 

that he has to look after and doesnt want to  

well i have been saying for quite some time 

that i want someone else to do it ... 

 

the partner that i chose 

 

 

 

 

2.30 am 

 

shes just popped in as a male character 

apparently my feelings are trivial 

and easily forgotten 

so what does she like about me then ? 

my looks ? ! 

191120

 

maybe the Author is after the property 

she did have an inheritance of her own 

not sure if shes spent it all yet 

 

 

 

 181120

so not OK for the woman to help the man ?

181120

is masturbation a selfish act

or a responsible act ? 

 

 

 

181120

 

no she is still abusing me 

and has teamed up with the Author 

not sure what i make of our friendship today ... 

 

you know and considering she also 

watches non consensual material of me ... 

yarn, blancmange, pickled eggs she says 

some of which is racist 

 

 

 

 

 

181120

 

k i think i see whats happend 

you peopel with multiple identities 

need to remember we dont always know who you are ! 

 

k friendship back on 

 

 

 

 181120

the cam girls performace today 

calls into question our friendship ... 

 

 

 

 

181120

 

there was one time the Author posted me 

a newspaper cutting which said 

' all men are rapists ! '

 

 

 

 

 

181120 

 

my stalker is in some ways a very nice lady 

generous even 

she just has got it into her head 

that because she feels passionately about me 

that im hers 

i know its her illness 

but i cant always cope being around that 

181120

ive done well realy setting boundaries with my alcoholic father
considering how difficult i find that
only to then find there are co-alcoholics in the family
who are more diffiuclt
who perpetuate the idea that i can fix the alcoholic !!!

181120

 

i think its another stereotype 

to say that a man should be able to stand up to other men 

that is obviously not possible 

some men are very soft and should not feel bad about it 

you know and then we tell them they are not sensitive !

 

 

 

181120

watching the match 

 

 

 

171120

sins of omission 

why am i trying to pick up a mentally ill drug addict anyway ? 

 

 

 

171120

guy no 6 is feeling broody 

and i cant deliver on that front as far as i know 

so he has joined a venomous tirade against me 

on the part of the Author

 

the cam girl and i have become friends 

so that rules out guy no 2  

 

 

 

 

171120

as ive said before im not taking on the Author 

she is in love with me and pursues me relentlessly

ive been through this with my family 

getting me to take my brother on 

make of it what you will 

 

 

 

 

161120

have you ever felt you were switching chairs with the therapist ? !

the ' accurate understanding ' I believe
only happens if they have their own therapist
lest they ' dump their own stuff ' back on the client

in that sense nobody has ever ' arrived ' 

 

 

 

 

161120

 

sometimes i feel like there is a woman 

crawling over me like a snake its horrible 

 

 

 

161120

 

the cam girl managed to create an emotional lockdown 

which was really impressive 

im trying to see how long we can keep it up 

but the Author just ruined it 

by making a pass at me 

 

 

 

 

 

 

161120

emptying

overthinking, mandala

 

 

 

151120 

 

he could contact me though 

in real life and suggest a coffee 

with physical contact being off the table 

151120

 

i suppose we could explore the ' bases ' idea 

of olden times 

thing is i dont belive i can have guy no 2 

i believe his feelings for the cam girl are stronger 

than his feelinsgs for me 

even though he doesnt see it yet 

 

 

 

 

 

 151120

guy no 6 has been round to his recent ex 

and it looks like hes out the window 

 

 

 

 141120

hormones are a choppy roller coaster 

 

 

 141120

we have lost the right to peaceful protest 

 

 

 141120

maybe his ex had germs sprayed through the open window 

i know shes after the peachy head 

131120

there would have to be supply and demand

in order for there to be a bubble

just depends on whether its stable or choppy

i am good enough just as I am !

well not all economies are based on bubble systems

for instance the disabled live in a needs based economy

which is a little more stable, well just a bit

I thought the free market was a bit regulated

or is that all out the window with Brexit and covid too !

audacity from a schizophrenic I know

 

 

 

 

 

141120

 

i woke up this morning thinking 

where did i get germs from 

i havent seen anyone 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 131120

i still want to be with guy no 6 

word jam : peachy head

would gestalt be helpful for sensitive people ?

to explore their co-dependency issues

in a relatively stable environment ?


well sometimes change happens in the reverse order
 

this wave of ignorance did reach 

even to the mental health systems 


with premature pressure to work 


 

and I did seriously injure myself over this

and because of the pizza tricks 


populists are seeking to demolish

all the human rights we have built up over centuries

octopus dependent , clones , horsemeat ?

or my time machine ?

his ex thanks and hugs me

for the non consensual video of me she used 

 

my stalker

claims im harrassing her

 

n yeah look the pizza trick has borked our relationship

and is giving us reductive stereotypes

i just cant have a commitment it seems

because of what people would do with that on the internet

sometimes older people have experiences

that they have alone because they are so intense

a deep magical trance

n not only that the cam girl was a social worker

linked to my medical team !

hacking into my mail box

with a guy i had been seeing making fun of me

inside my mail box with spams ! 

getting hammered

 

n yeah maybe im one of the seas north of Canada

by the looks of things

the Beaufort Sea

 

with Chucky the Author and someone else  

 

dirty pigs,  play dirty, explicit

 

k i take your point about the speeches guy no 6 !  ha ha

n i am trying to protect him

 

but how would anyone get sweet with the author

when all she wants is me

who knows, mabye going for coffee with her

might bring you blessings and victories

n i apologise to Scarey

for not forgiving him , i was too ill

Scarey darling, always in my heart

 

funko pop dolls red hood hop scotch defensive

 

in 2013 i jumped out of a first floor window

and fractured my hip

because of the use of surveillance and hacking

and very deep invasion of privacy 

it also turned out later on

it was a protest about mental health

and the way that its treated

 

echo chamber double analogy

unlikely in  a confined space

where social distancing is not possible  

id be spitting saliva at you    

 

embarrassing a traumatic experience

will this happen fast enough

before we freeze over ? 

been googling like mad 


trying to keep up with the election threads !

I like to think I can appear plausible with the best of them ! 


playing devils advocate and that

double jeopardy , free fall

 

clawing at the walls

n this is what sex is like in the afterlife

apart from he has a higher sex drive than me  

stormy with glimpses of stars

delerious

rock n roll

reaching for the sky

n oh yes there was a supernova at one point

it was really cosmic n we bonded

 

im actually quite scared

its like being kicked in the back like a zither

i wandered off a bit

but i didnt want to betray him

so i steered myself back

it happened later on

and now its properly finished

 

ooh yeah baby 

 

honking like a chimp

like a monkey

pounding bass of my heart  

crack of lightening

still not finished

need to do more exercise 

its too intense

and therefore coming out in stages

 

thank you

seems like a veil over it all,

I feel that someone has already decided the outcome

at we are seeing is just puppets , cloak 

n dagger isn't it

His real hope was to force the decision into the Supreme Court,

n yeah needs a narrow margin

but where is all the celebrating ?

when its not he who will pull out the final rabbit

and there is scope for reverse psychology

You didn't see the multiple videos of people celebrating?!?!

8 hours ago a video showed people celebrating

a projected win

 

its rare for anyone to succeed in challenging the lawmakers

even clones

n the peachy head is looking small