Sunday 29 September 2024

011024 , 300924 ,  290924

his blog is copyright of LIZARIKK, booley , the harpie the identity thief, bisto , cloud and baby mother are not welcome 

please dont abduct Dev for mating duties 

uploaded some more notes 

thanks Dev for the messages, i will take a look , hug

290924

brainstorming the title and author

The Love Bombers by Lucinda Ember 

or maybe Lacey Ember 

uploaded a bit more 

still married to Dev hopefully hug

290924

I've got a rash on my leg . If it needs antibiotics I'll be slowed down for a couple of weeks 

I lost a couple pounds weight am off bread and sugar 

290924

My vibrator is a fire hazard , I hope it doesn't electrocute me

uploaded another page 

300924

Still married to Dev hopefully hug

Sound track to the Simon relationship was Metallica , especially sandman and the unforgiven 

300924

After his dad died , Stuart came into her room and asked to have sex with her

Ahe said you're just upsel

11 minutes,  g spot

300924

Not thinking of doing anything to my eyebrows Dev ! X

 i dont feel very well Dev . people ask to have cyber sex with me and then say they didnt  

not that ive said who they were either ! 

Is that coming from the chuckster ? As I said its really not about size . They're taking the piss Dev

300924

Sometimes you can feel the raw  sexuality in a man's dick like its a stick of salami 

300924

still married to Dev hopefully  
 
im a bit gormless today i got two musicians mixed up in my head 
and not even sure where i ended up to be honest 
it felt like the g spot 
i had two units of alcohol 
will have to stash some stuff  
011024
Thanks Dev sticking up for me   , hopefully still married x

Saturday 28 September 2024

 290924 , 280924

i dug up some archives from my blogs and posted them with the book 

this blog is copyright of LIZARIKK, booley , the harpie the identity thief, bisto , cloud and baby mother are not welcome 

please dont abduct Dev for mating duties 

K certain person is now called bottle  

I don't want anything done to my face Dev , maybe the tummy and breasts 

uploaded another page 


280924

Two women both with strap ons taking it in turns  , some foreplay and ending in the g spot , 18 minutes 

 ive broken another vibrator Dev  , it keeps switching itself on 

ive put it outside in some damp bushes in case its a fire hazard , i have others but this one only lasted a month !  

an artwork i found from 2011


 290924

My vibrator is a fire hazard 

still married to Dev hopefully 

Friday 27 September 2024

280924 ,  270924

This blog is copyright  of LIZARIKK
Harpie , identity thief baby mother and bisto not welcome 
 
No 2 and baby mother are working with my sister in law to cut me off from my nephews 
I reported her for child abuse in the 90s which was upheld ...  I can say more about why that was...
And they can stop helping themselves to footage of my bedroom...
It was upheld because of their defensiveness when social services visited the child sounded rehearsed ' she didn't kick me on the leg '
 
Please don't abduct Dev for mating duties , still happily married to him 
I think no 2 might be interfering with my hiv results ,  hopefully Dev will know 
 
The social services threatened to take my nephew away and it worked because the violence stopped  , and obviously this is a power play to stop my relationship with Dev
 

al fayed is innocent 
 
the tv is talkign to me ,
 
Thanks for the article Dev hugd
270924
Managed to shag him via the g spot with the assistance of a friend who I was masturbating
I had a drink because the pain of loving him is too bad 
280924
not sure if he still wants to be married though 
people are doing an excellent job of splitting us up
mabye a tiny bit married 

im not sure , he just joined one of bistos friends in abusing me 

mabye therell be ' a bunch of flowers ' on the guardian 
maybe hedge my bets ! 
280924
K sorry Dev hope we're OK now hug
Still married

word jam : sober as the day i was born

 this blog is copyright of LIZARIKK , the harpie the identity thief and bisto are not welcome

 

 I get caught doing it on the bus, the police clear the bus do me , some are black some white
12 minutes on the g spot

Multiples not so much , sometimes two
There was one with Dev that went on for a long time
I ready all of my parents books on sex
And we somehow accessed porn films and magazines,  long before the Internet

i started off heading somewhere and then went somewhere im not supposed to go and will head back when im not supposed to
im actually a cis female if sometimes i seem like a pantomime one
I get called a basket case

no 2 is getting my neighbours to do percussion to deliver fake intelligence
I like doing male musicians 
the sex feels like music
but i recommend trying to fantasise about someone you dont like
this vibrator is too big to go in and has a ridge on it
which might get stuck on the hymen
in 2013 i did actually make myself shag everybody , not sure i can repeat that , im just enjoying being straight again 
 a freaky thing to think about someone you dont really like !
somethin Dev taught me 
i even had a fantasy about a tree !
So shoving him with the side of my arm and the burning feeling I knock him back a bit and he's weakened with laughter

Then a rival  appears with a load of mates and says hey there's a triangle going on here , and shoves me in the chest
 I shout at her and Dev shows me how to not react
 Then we vanish
One guy we did it on a hillside with cars going past in the dark
and he lifted my skirt so the headlights lit up my behind !
Hyde Park i think back in the 80s and this really creepy man crept out from behind a tree watching us so we grabbed our things and ran
at work at my desk when nobody was around , so I thought,  unaware of surveillance
The boss flirted with me so that's maybe why  
There was one guy from my generation , he and his siblings used to throw poo at the ceiling , just for fun
maybe if i shove him really hard he wil step backwards 
he might be surprised how much force i can put into it
In the hospital a nurse walked through the curtain while I was doing it
I said do you mind !
k so there was a woman with a strap on
and a man watching , then he pulls her off me at the end
There are muscles and nerves linking the clit to the g spot
one time i was off my meds and upstairs on the bus when some yobs decided they wanted the window shut
so they slammed the window above my head and i got up and threw it open , this went back and forth for a while with him aggressively swearing so i sat there and screamed

Stone cold sober

Thursday 26 September 2024

 270924 , 260924 
This blog is copyright  of LIZARIKK
Harpie , identity thief and bisto not welcome 
 
Please don't abduct Dev for mating duties , still married to him 
I think no 2 might be interfering with my hiv results ,  hopefully Dev will know if he does
 
uploaded more book 
al fayed is innocent 
 
the tv is talkign to me , apparently Lucie now plays for Chelsea  
more book 
 
260924
theyre doing a pile on Dev objecting to the book 
Apparently the author is also writing a book and worried we might have similar material
 
k Dev ive posted some more x thanks for the messages 
 
Bisto just abused me  . She's also claiming to be Devs partner
Like a republican negative campaign
260924
Dev have you made her think she's your partner ?
Actually he didn't 
She's made me wonder if our marriage is an illusion though
k now shes come after me again i can see the game ! 

and our marriage ! cheers bisto ! 

k now shes stalking me on a disabiltiy forum with multiple identities , i dont want to talk to her Dev , its not going anywehre 

Dev if it's a competition between me and bisto that's not a marriage ...

well in the long term that is. right now im giving you the benefit of the doubt ! 

260924

I get caught masturbating on the bus, the police clear the bus and have sex with me , some are black some white 

12 minutes on the g spot

270924

A negative campaign is where you just dis the other contender rather than expressing what you can offer

Wednesday 25 September 2024

  260924

Theyre trying to abduct Dev for mating duties 

250925

This blog is copyright  of LIZARIKK

Harpie , identity thief and bisto not welcome 

Please don't abduct Dev for mating duties , still married to him 

I think no 2 might be interfering with my hiv results ,  hopefully Dev will know if he does?

uploaded more book and morning pages 

If you want to try with the battery switched off it needs to be long enough to bump the cervix 

Multiple orgasms not so much , sometimes two

There was one with Dev that went on for a long time

Some of the relationships ended because I was mentally or physically unwell

 250924 

All my parents had books on sex which we would read when we were out ! Mailer for one , married life in an African tribe , and I absorbed alot of Freud without actually reading it 

And we somehow accessed porn films and magazines,  long before the Internet

11 minutes on the g spot 

i started off heading somewhere and then went somewhere im not supposed to go and will head back when im not supposed to 

im actually a cis female if sometimes i seem like a pantomime one 

they say ive got great skin though

my hiv test came out indeterminate so i have to book a test 


K I put in a request for the GP to re test

Hope nobody is fiddling with it 

250924

k theres more on the book and more later 

thanks Dev for the article and messages, you seem to be in a good mood which im hoping is hopeful for my test resulf :hug: 

enjoyed being married today , for a change, i find the words difficult sometimes 

250924

four more pages on the book 

260924

my stepmother just called me an emotional basket case 

possibly becaue i said i have an interested in a man ive never met 

who has not contacted me 

well thats what i told her anyway 

calling me an emotional basket case is not helpful !

Tuesday 24 September 2024

 240924

uploaded more book 

250924 ,  240924

This blog is copyright of LIZARIKK . The identity thief , the harpie and bisto are not welcome  

no 2 is getting my neighbours to do percussion to deliver fake intelligence 

Al fayed is innocent . Clockwork is threatening to torture Dev to get a baby

Stepm other iz on the forum delivering wisdom . Look I know you're upset about your husbands porn so don't try to tell me about it !

I'm married to Dev because he threatened to kill himself


One thing I noticed is baby mother seems to have stopped abducting no 6 since I left him

Dev does bisto every night . I've not had a fantasy about him for weeks 

I like doing male musicians  

the sex feels like music

240924

Thanks for the article Dev you reckon I can go back to the memoir ? I don't think so , it'd offend my friends , but they're sure to influence the fiction 

 Hug 

After touring the world I identify as straight 

but i recommend trying to fantasise about someone you dont like 

this vibrator is too big to go in and has a ridge on it 

which might get stuck on the hymen 

i thought the idea of being married is you dont actually act on your fantasies 

250924

In my heyday I could do it with a  vibrator that no longer worked !

Monday 23 September 2024

 240924 , 230924

This blog is COPYRIGHT of LIZARIKK , THE IDENTITY THIEF IS NOT WELCOME

the harpie is not welcome  

Please can you not abduct Dev for mating duties 

work smart , care smart 

You're not the only one who's bored Dev ..ive stayed married to you so you don't kill yourself but not really enjoying it

230924

k that was 2 blokes holding me down and one on top  hitting the g spot and a bit further down,  10 minutes 

This vibrator is too big to go in I can't even try 

OkDev we're still married I don't want to lose you 

Trying to push through sugar withdrawal,  hence the dried fruit 

these artworks were made in an afterglow in 2013


 

new band called Slut ! ( nothing to do with me ) 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3fJVS8wfow

 230924

uploaded more book Dev  

240924

in 2013 i did actually make myself shag everybody , not sure i can repeat that , im just enjoying being straight again  

 a freaky thing to think about someone yuo dont really like ! 

somethin Dev taught me  

i even had a fantasy about a tree ! 

Sunday 22 September 2024

 230924 please can you not abduct Dev for mating duties

 uploaded more book , started again with a fictional character 

 220924

this blog is copyright of LIZARIKK , identity thieves not welcome
 
clockwork and number 2 interfered with my 12 step meeting  . apparenlty im jealous of what you could have with clockwork , a status quo thing
 
bisto can see what im doing on my computer 
They're threatening to abduct Dev for mating duties and forced marriage 

Also threatened are people's cats , medications etc , very controlling and coercive ..
Al fayed is innocent 
Bisto is not welcome
 
220924
 
k dev is bored already , k this is the problem with getting married isnt it 
lets just takie it one day at a time ... 
 
youre ablist Dev you dont understand how much im under attack 
and you drink every night which also will bore me
those noises i made were for my neighbours not bisto 
i was trying to overcome feeling bored in order to get closer to you
youll only trick me so many times ... 

k maybe you meant no to more of Neils sex life 

k ill stick to the fictonal characters hug
sorry looks like i flipped my lid again Dev 

22.0924 

n im flipping it again , your making plans to be with bisto 
and im making other plans ... 
thing is i think about other guys but you have only one other woman on your mind , which means youre having an affair 

The author is rubbing her hands in glee 

230924
uploaded more pages 
K Dev thanks we're still married,  happy birthday !
No 2 is using my pedophile neighbours to tell tales on you Dev , like he's one to talk ...

I just re read the article Dev and you're having a Web cam affair with bisto who apparently is hiv positive 

It's not much of a marriage is it , k well let's not call it a marriage but a commitment 
You're having an affair because something is spiritually wrong, there is some due you haven't paid and I dont know what that is 
I don't know , try campaigning against the online porn industry ? Its ruining the lives of young men 

230924

K I suppose you feel responsible for bisto and they're threatening all kinds of stuff 

And you think I'm having an affair with Neil !actually I've not been able to access sexual memories of him , they're locked down 

Sorry if I came across disapproving

 220924

this blog is copyright of LIZARIKK , identity thieves not welcome
 
clockwork and number 2 interfered with my 12 step meeting  . apparenlty im jealous of what you could have with clockwork , a status quo thing
 
bisto can see what im doing on my computer 
They're threatening to abduct Dev for mating duties and forced marriage 

Also threatened are people's cats , medications etc , very controlling and coercive ..
Al fayed is innocent 
Bisto is not welcome
 
Extracts from morning pages : for some reason I woke up in heaven , as if there's a part of the brain we can't normally access
 
Maybe if I can work out the end of the book I can work backwards from there  
K thanks Dev for the articles , we're giving being married another go
We're holding each other close feeling the love flow through
 220924
our hearts are orange , theres a burning feeling

K I ordered a home hiv test 
Please don't try to make me leave my vulnerable friend 
220924
Neil says I can write about him if there's more sex in it

Saturday 21 September 2024

220924 ,  210924

uploaded more book 
 
this blog is copyright of LIZARIKK 
 
bisto can see what im doing on my computer 
 
They're threatening to abduct Dev for mating duties and forced marriage 

Also threatened are people's cats , medications etc , very controlling and coercive ...
One possible solution is to try to shag everybody
 
No 2 thinks I can manage a course while he tries to remote control me using my corrupt neighbours to deliver fake intelligence 
He is a philistine
 
Al fayed is innocent 
Bisto is not welcome , she is stalking me on a disability forum and is not herself disabled
 
The proposed book endings are just brain storming  , ive not settled on it yet 
 

 

210924
So shoving him with the side of my arm and the burning feeling I knock him back a bit and he's weakened with laughter 

Then bisto appears with a load of mates and says hey there's a triangle going on here , and shoves me in the chest 
 
I shout at her and Dev shows me how to not react 
 
Then we vanish

 

this is where i asked them to put the person with the light coming from the side on 12 septemer 

210924

never can get Wabbits super wild hunting monster yellow eyed look, he looks away when i get the camera out 

uploaded another possible ending to the book  

me and Lee had sex under Brighton pier with the thrill of getting caught  

 

210924

8 minutes , double ended vibrator hitting the g spot 

Guys to get on this maybe gave a micro shot of oestrogen from a plant source  

n now with cyber sex we can go anywhere we like  

Friday 20 September 2024

 200924
 
uploaded more book 
 
this blog is copyright of LIZARIKK the harpie is not welcome
 
Al fayed is innocent 
 
The proposed book endings are just brain storming  , ive not settled on it yet 

200924
 
8 minutes at the g spot, 
i pulled the sheet down a bit 
there were 2 women with strap ons 
and you can feel it when they orgasm 
it helps to inspire my own 
 
very beautiful women 
not sure if my doctor has watched it himself 
i was late after being creative all day

***** 
200924 

there was another guy , call him Lee 
we had sex on a hillside with cars going past in the dark 
and he lifted my skirt so the headlights litte up my behind ! 
 
another possible cliff hanger for the book 



200924

and neil and i did it somewhere like Hyde Park i think back in the 80s and this really creepy man crept out from behind a tree watching us so we grabbed our things and ran 
 
enroll on the art course Trevor ? how would i manage to cope with all the intellligence coming at me ?  
 
i get ill when i do courses or volutary work because of this reason  
 
theres intellligence coming at me and also ideas teeming out  
 
200924 
Apparently the Scottish celts are going to kill me Dev , like they did my mother 
They want to stop the book  
Maybe that's what the book is about
I wonder how she knew about them  
Or how they knew about her even  
 
Hi to Andy hugs

 200924

This blog is copyright of LIZARIKK , bisto and the harpie are not welcome , clockwork is threatening to abduct Dev and force him to marry her , no 2 is threatening me with a med change , Al fayed is innocent 

someone left this toy on a bench where i stop every day and a man sprayed me with sore throat germs, will have to sit somewhere else to avoid these flies 



I use the side of my arm to push him and feel a burning sensation and an orange light  

200924

One time I gave myself an orgasm at work at my desk when nobody was around , so I thought,  unaware of surveillance 

The boss flirted with me so that's maybe why  

another time it was 2013 and i did one in the garden with a duvet over me 

I did one to the song she's so high that was awesome

Thursday 19 September 2024

 200924

190924

this blog is copyring of LIZARIKK 

Clockwork is threatening to abduct Dev and have him forced to marry her 

Al fayed is innocent  

The harpie is not welcome , nor bisto , who is threatening for someone to come beat me up and dissing me on a disability forum

 body positive dress   

morning pages 190924 


 



190924

Coined the term porn widow , or porn widower 

190824

I put my hand to his chest and push him backwards . He holds me down on the ground , I have to escape without injuring him

190924 the frequency no 2 ? Er you made your bed and you're lying on it 

N yeah we got back together for a few hours it was part of Devs magic tricks, a few weeks ago 

I invited you a number of times to talk to me as a friend no 2 and you dont , there's no rapport

So now I'm here having a play fight with Dev

He punches Dev who holds him down then he no 2 calls the cops 

N Dev and i are nowhere to be seen 

190924

There was one guy from my generation , he and his siblings used to throw poo at the ceiling , just for fun 

maybe if i shove him really hard he wil step backwards  

he might be surprised how much force i can put into it 

190924

how does my book end ? mabye the ghost of the Trixy haunts the downs 

k sorry i need to think of a whole load of new names  

In the mental hospital they have to keep opening the curtain to keep checking on you and one time I said do you mind I was having a wank If you must know

morning pages 200924




Wednesday 18 September 2024

 190924

 bisto is threatening to kill herself Dev

180924

Dev i think something has been removed from my blogs , there should be a burning bush somewhere  

found it ! 


Please can you not abduct Dev for mating duties



This blog is copyright of LIZARIKK, bisto and the harpie are not welcome , or clockwork who is kicking off , although I hope she comes to a better place in herself

 180924

imagining if Dev appeared on my path and we'd have a play fight 

apparently my psychiatrist wants to change my meds with the intention of harming and controlling me ...  

Ive reacted to the harpie not because of no 6  but because she's still slagging me off of a support forum for the disabled 

k so there was a woman with a strap on 

and a man watching , then he pulls her off me to get the climax 

g spot 6 minutes , starting to prefer the g spot and there seems to be muscles and nerves linking it to the clitoris  

And I don't smell of fish




180924

body positive template and dress 




the white circles are holes showing skin 

180924

As a teenager we had holidays in Scotland and I'd go out in the forest to masturbate on my own , really trippy


shot by a camera i sketched in 2103 but its now too faint 


surveillance i cant find so ive redrawn it 

 

body positive dress the ink coming through to the next page 180924 

190924 thanks Dev im thinking of putting my hand on your chest and pushing you backwards 

Tuesday 17 September 2024

 170924

Can you please not abduct Dev , you'll diminish yourselves ..

 This blog is copyright  of LIZARIKK

180924 apparently my psychiatrist wants to mess with my meds . I'll be careful what I say , thanks Dev

170924

Thanks Andy for the article 

thanks Dev for the kicking 

a tale of two tails 

i remember feeling i could have had an acting career but chose an authentic life instead , i wanted to experience love in the wildest way possible and so that i did 

one time i was off my meds and upstairs on the bus when some yobs decided they wanted the window shut 

so they slammed the window above my head and i got up and threw it open , this went back and forth for a while with him aggressively swearing so i sat there and screamed

 

word jam : posh girl falls for werewolf

 The algorithms
n yeah i did talk about hiring a hit man to kill me
so my family could get the inheritance !  
Ill be reporting words like spastic and retard, nobody has thought of that apart from me
people are all too happy to get bounty by abusing the disabled
I said Dorothy hepworth and Patricia preece were lovers and Patricia married Stanley Spencer for security on the condition he could ' join in '
I don't think it worked out because only one of Patricia's artworks survived ...
Not that im in love with a woman , I mean that he was an undercover cop

The g spot gives a different vibration and is much coveted
By both men and women
There are ways of exploring it
Even enjoying a shower can be sexual

Mental illness is like getting high and never coming down again

Always alone standing before a monster trying to sweet talk it
The monster may turn friendly but it's all on his terms
Sex is mind altering  

Ive overheard men talking when I wasn’t there
Why do women smell of fish , do they piss out of their vaginas ?
27 is quite old for a filly , she’s a right little goer
That ones too easy gis us a strawwwwberry

Sometimes I would sit with them to see how much I could take
There’s always more to find out about yourself

I often buy a new vibrator because I break them
And some of them get noisy

they had a fight down an alley way ,
 all this talk of drugs and violence ,
and the guy with the chain won this one

My book will be called The love bomber :
narcissism and violence in the 1980s

There’s a sword hanging in the air
In a cave with blue sheets of rain
Explodes and bits of stalactites
Luminous green icicles
N shells and things all going flying
The light reflecting itself like a sheet of air
Making a guillotine mask on the beach

I gasped at that flash of light
My mother thought the radiators were bugged
By Scottish Celts

You look like moon light
I did a painting of you which was admired

Alcohol sometimes puts me into a threesome fantasy
My young neighbours are in the garden having
A laugh about the Paralympics
And people with no arms or legs

N yeah you did make me feel suffocated on one occasion
A relative was watching

difficult for me to understand that i didnt deserve the abuse .
i was quite a nasty piece of work at the time, bitchy and very beautiful , making cutting put downs, stuck up that kind of thing 
In those days fighting was a display of passion
N now I treat other people for trauma

Unique angle ? Posh girl falls for a werewolf and his abuse is what made her what she is
and highlight mental health , the zeitgeist , the music ,

k so for me drug highs were nothing compared to thrill seeking highs , some of them dangerous and destructive in my younger years , danger and violence lots of adrenalin

in my childhood you werent anybody unless you were getting divorced or living in sin
He had traits of hippy ness , but a very clean one , very straight edge , an emo kid with an anorak , thats where i get the geek thing from , i really didnt expect to fall from him he wasnt my type

and the squats ? we had people from the streets , people of all races , guitars , percussion instruments , practically open door
and people trying to ' guru ' us , older people , we didnt seem to be afraid of anybody , made up beds for them, shared our food , smoked dope together
and i would get violently sick , not sure if it was because of the hygiene or some kind of spiking , i remember people putting their hands on my back to heal me as i screamed in sickness

brushes with death i thnk mostly around Simon , being chased with a pane of glass , being locked into his flat , threatned with scissors ive often felt close to death and found it comforting
the zeitgeist was that everybody was fighting , there were drugs but id say that fights and arguments were more the in thing at the time , swearing , shouting , angst, drama , soap operas going on , intrigues , infidelities that sort of thing
but yes we had some good parties, doing freak out dances, the others standing in a circle while one person lets rips

We're one of those cultures with embarrassed politeness but also extremely rude and offensive we are , unceremonious
 N those days I was more into the journey than the destination
I wasn’t bothered if I didn’t arrive id just sort it out later
in a squat when you have to gobble up your plate of food quickly before someone else asks for it  , then tells you youre ' tight ' for not giving it up

there was a saxophone player waited about four days for me once ! 

K so you're down to your last tenner , your boyfriend is chasing you with a pane of glass and you've got to get on a train with no money

And a voice boomed out you have been seen jumping over the ticket barrier
N running and running into London with no clue where I was going , not a good runner. I found superhuman strength from the adrenalin , I could suprise a man with how strong I was

It took me two years to get him into bed
The earthy sensuality of bohemian life sofas draped with purple and marooon
Velvet throws rooms dimly lit in the day time , smell of wine and cork
Trippy wallpaper with huge flowers an atmosphere of sin

the backpack used to carry supplies that id looked up in an SAS suvival manual
including a pen knife and everything wrapped in plastic

i seem to have bitten and scratched him today ! Guess I'm like a smelly rescue cat with trust issues

Drugs were  nothing compared to coming off them with my straight edge boyfriend ! and the ensuing awakening , the surge of energy up the spine , deepening perception of colours and sounds , and a flash of lightening , similar but much more intense than an acid trip

not sure if it was the adrenalin from our fights . When we were not fighting we'd be running through the streets laughing , playing music and madly in love . There was nobody else , no game playing with other lovers , just each other

that day we carried candles through the streets wishing strangers a happy Christmas . the world wasnt ready for us

I had a conversation in the sex shop said I'm exploring the g spot, and therefore don't want the rabbit ones , she said its just round the corner as you go in , which I agreed with
Some of the vibrators are like a large crochet hook to dig into the g spot
Last time I saw that lady she didn't open up but has now got into the spirit !
Actually I was most horny during the change
With much bigger climaxes and those trippy ones where the sky goes black and you're thrown off the bed , there was one person in particular that triggered them
There's a kind of force field from the collective trauma
a roiling cauldron of trouble
i had a pattern of lusting for a guy , lacking confidence and then getting off with his friend
some men would say no which would impress me. they were interested but not sure , not ready ,

I hugged a serial killler in the secure unit
He was on the run
At one point I had two periods a month