5pm

the meeting tonight was GINORMOUS ! 

never seen it so huge 

and i could still think of people that weren't there ... 

anyway there was no cross talk today 

there was an incredibly long silence 

in which i decided i was passionate to say this : 

' when i first started to lose my mental health 

my alcoholic father told me i was bonkers 

and how much that hurt ... ' 

P said that her sister is 

'mad as a box of frogs' 

but i didn't react to her 

i do think its like swearing 

in that its a way of dumping the insanity outside yourself ... 

the insanity/agression is over there 

its in you , or my sister or the meeting 

anywhere other than myself ... 

anyway this was not a boxing ring 

this is judo ... 

disarming your opponent by making yourself vulnerable 

it comes with alot of experience. 

A man came up to me afterwards 

and said what a lovely person i am ! 

i feel that i have been heard and validated 

11.18

Enders is stalking me on the internet 

and has been watching films of me masturbating 

11.04

Mrs Baskerville 

has been making gobby coughing noises 

since my fairground ride ... 

she is jealous ... 

and maybe this is a good time to mention 

the cold sore i had 2 days ago 

probably because Baskerville has been to a rent boy ... 

23.41

Enders just spammed my twitter 

with a user called baggy tweet 

i can tell its her by her language 

actually i already blocked her about 2 days ago 

i thought people stayed blocked ... 

Orbiter ride ...

22.33

it was also horrible 

a fairground ride 

is a bit like a sexual experience 

a peak experience 

( a religious epiphany 300515 7.50pm 

beatitude, rapture ... )

you feel like a balloon afterwards 

buoyant, weightless, concussed ... 





2 pm 

just as i sit down 

you get up, ... charming 

i was just going to get my quiche out of the oven ... 

why do you feel the need to justify yourself ? 

20.51

how about the Big Bang gang 

go to Thorpe Park ... 

2pm

he said that discriminatory language 

would be unacceptable in the day centre ... 

because its a safe place ;

nutters loony bin 

mental cases, not all there , bonkers, barmy, screw loose, 

mental illness has little to do with insanity in the real world ... 

19.39

Enders is stalking me today 

she followed me on Twitter under the name of bag twit 

and had spam actresses in the street ... 

12.55 pm 

people keep pissing me off i want to throw my phone at them. 

Deal ... 

5pm

Im worried 

that masturbating 

might put my hormones on a roller coaster ... 

15.15

i mean i feel quite ashamed of my history 

as it is ... 

intimidated 

I always have to be the one to back down and shut up 

because there are insane people around 

i have to be the one to swallow it 

three weeks ago ... 

this is the end of the world 

where we come to talk about masturbation ... 

13.41

it just really hurts when i hear things like that

i feel hurt

it gives me flashbacks to when i started losing my mental health 30 years ago

and my alcoholic relative telling me i was bonkers

you know, and people being sectioned who were the sane ones

is the kind of association that it triggers in me ...

rehab ...

hi Alanon 

thanks for your help over the swearing issue.

Ive got another bee in my bonnet now ...

people using discriminatory language about mental health.

Im fed up with people referring to themselves

as nutters, loonies, loony bins, mental cases ...

to me its like calling someone a spastic

its just grossly un-pc

tonight i expressed my displeasure with another bout of this

and this became cross talk , and turned into an argument ...

after which someone walked out .

I realise that i might have to 'cool it' as far as my behaviour is concerned

but i remain deeply offended

and passionately against this kind of language.

Al-Anon is for people who have lost their sanity in the family disease

and another reason i am offended

is that i have myself been in a psychiatric hospital last year

and i saw people there who need Al-Anon

who have been committed by their alcoholic relatives ...

we reach out to prisons but not mental hospitals

and calling the patients mental cases

puts up further barriers to us reaching out to people that really need us ...

there but for the grace ...

love in fellowship Lucie Robson

Technocrats ... new series

230515 6pm

so what happens now 

classes of 8 year olds with a mobile phone each 

wont that disrupt the lessons ? 

the committee / collusion

19.40

the committee had me pigeoned 

with spam shares from actresses this afternoon... 

' i expect she will be pestering us ' 

i also saw a pigeon killed by a car 

and also one yesterday too ... 

20.26

there is a plan 

to torture Davision tonight 

and force him to his ex partner 

i do not consent for my materials to be used in this process 

Im with Davision thanks 

12.38pm

i suppose the new robot 

will simulate the spasms and crunches of the female orgasm ... 

The Gates

6.30pm

i quite like the idea 

that I'm this old relic 

who doesnt have a phone ... 

it gives me a certain character ... 

12.21

I'm with Davision 

i do not conset for my materials to be used in torturing him ... 

6pm

its very good for me 

to have to stand up and act out an emotion ... 

22.36

what if you're disabled 

and need to flee from danger ... 

I feel there should be other considerations 

than just economic ones 

when deciding who can come and live here ... 

11.42

i feel I'm owed the birthday money 

because of my relationship with his son ... 

18.44

as usual 

they want to torture Davision 

and force him to his ex partner 

i do not consent for my materials to be used in the exercise 

thats tight ? 

Im with Davision thjanks 

3.10pm 

the fib pursued me outside today 

with the following spam : 

tight arse 

the dessert was a class act, 

I got robbed

no energy or motivation 

theres nothing going on in my head 

i don't need sugar 

I don't need you to waste my time 

and remind me what my surname is ... 



most of this was in a restaurant 

im not sure if it was about defending Lager 

and her wish to watch intimate footage of me 

or if its about what i said yesterday 

re us becoming americanised 

lackijng in human rights 

and just business/profit oriented 

as a society ... 

Ive also been attacked with throat viruses 

190515    6pm

Britain used to be the best place for human rights 

now its more like Holland and Belgium ... 

22.07

thje mood at the time ? 

retro, wartime austerity chic , 

patchwork , 

industrial lamps 

sheds , vinyl 

mismatched furniture 

clashing colours 

upcycling 

rude food

20.29

soujnds to me like the infamous 

instant 0 second pizza 

9.34am

there is a committee plan 

to deport Davision 

and force him to his ex partner 

using films of me as inspiration 

I'm with Davision thanks 

i do not consent to my material being used in this way ... 

Dev is feeling suicidal about it ... 

160515  4pm

my choppy hormones like a teenagers

it was good to be part of the storm

you know when you feel like insulting your parents ...

todays drama group

2.30pm 

we had to be cows ... 

at least i wasnt a chicken. 

How come we say roast chicken 

and not roast cow ? 

calling us beef is a way to pull the wool over peoples' eyes 

so they wont know what they are eating ... 

you can make a jumper ... 

you're trying to change the subject to sheep 

to avoid what happens ... 

so we treat cows like slaves 

and have a prejudice against knitting ... 

how about leather ? 

cow shoes, cow jacket, cow trousers ... 

mooootiny ! hooray ! 

moo - ray and up she rises

earleye in the marnin ... 

Is Sandra Bullock related to Daisy Lowe ? 

what about Simon Cowell 

I like him he tells it like is is ... 

the cows can watch television on wi-fi ... 

do we made up songs and make some moooosic 


hello Im Dr Fishkeblanshkeshaun 

and I'm Dr Wilkinstein

i think I'm a giraffe dr 

well we can give you some clarificationol 

i know who i am azipam 

Evelyn feels like a young man

gender reasignment ? 

is this a cause of your mental health issues 

or just a part of who you are ? 

why are we all talking in posh accents ? 

18.08

my favourite karate move 

is ahimsa 

17.27

apparently here are plans afoot 

to deport Davision and force him to his ex partner 

using footage of me to inspire her ... 

I'm with Davision thanks ... 

i do not consent for my materials to be used in this way ... 

15.15

apparently there are plans afoot 

to deport Davision today 

torture hime and force him back to his ex partner 

I do not consent for my materials to be used in this process ... 

apparently there is leverage 

because my Dad bought me a hoover. 

Um i thought my contribution was to visit his son for him ... 

23.27

Lager had a pigeoning frenzy ! 

22.01

thankyou Dev ... 

20.35

his little games are vey cute 

12.30pm

Lager pigeoned me frantically several times 

for about an hour 

about plans to deport Dev for 6 months 

apparently my Dad recommended it ... 

I arrived at therapy feeling depressed ... 

10.04am 

Dev is feeling suicidal ... 

she loves him vey much ... 

9.08am 

apparently there are plans to deport Davision today 

and force him to his ex partner 

I'm with Davision thanks 

i do not consent for my materials to be used in this endeavour ... 

22.41

did anyone get the atmosphere at Mrs Walowitz final dinner ? 

21.16

Enders hjas been pigeoning me like crazy all day ... 

11.02 am 

she loves hijm vey much ... 

12.33pm

thankyou Dev ... 

23.27, 080515

someone is firing a virus into my window 

it feels like Cashews ... 

1pm

I'm going to cheat on you before you cheat on me ... 

i grew up around the idea that men are unfaithful .. 

070515

18.04

Im with Davision thanks ... 

apparently there is a plan to deport him tonight 

and force him back to his childs mother 

using torture 

I do not consent for my materials to be used in this process ... 

070515   

nb i finished masturbating about 10pm

when i opened the window there was a virus coming in 

which someone had sprayed at my house ... 

it seemed like one of Cashews 

9.55am

Im with Davision thanks ... 

Collusion

7pm  Scareys quality time 

SAA addicted to the high, the tease, we abused others 

and we abused ourselves ... 


I think my heroin was a feeling of concussion

from the domestic violence ... 

addicted to the shock, the danger, to despair

and self annihilation ... 


getting kicked out of places, hmmm .... 

fighting outside a pub, sitting too long over a coffee with Fox, 

absentmindedly walking off with good from the supermarket , 

banned from internet forums ... 

for 'flaming' , 

I couldn't see if for the life of me ... 

the newspaper forums are a veritable first fire of flames 

I believe i was banned by people who envied my open-ness 

and self -expression ... 


standing up to authority ... 

at one of my rehab groups , a more experienced member 

criticised how i was doing my service . 

He sounded very authoritative. 

Turned out on making further enquiries, he was wrong ... 

that is was just his disease talking ... 


charming the corporate terrorists ... 

e.g. I was caught masturbating on the bus, 

albeit with a coat over my lap ... 

the police were obviously quite charmed and touched

by my sexual endeavours

and the sincerity of my pursuit ... 

and let me off with a caution ... 

i also tape recorded them and put the track up on Sound Cloud ! 

Later that year someone said i had masturbated 

in a public part of the psychiatric hospital

which i most certainly did not ... 

Collusion

17.08

it was pitch dark outside 

she heard a noise in the front garden and went out .. . 

Scarey darling ... 

she's vey sorry she got married ... 



n she does love him 2 

maybe she do some quality time soon

16.50

Scarey i threatening to  kill himself. 

She is sorry Scaresie 

is not possible for her to return 

except in a fictional capacity ... 

people rush to his aid please ? 

050515    9.50pm

Chucky is pigeoning my television ... 

'anything we say will get us into trouble 

so lets just move on ... '

'QI decide to break the ice and be funny 

shouldn't be too hard

unless you happen to own a boat called the Titanic ... '

1pm

the baby looks regal

like she's the queen already ... 


i had a feeling they would pick Charlotte 

just our dads army lot 

wouldn't take to it like a duck to water 


3pm

the fib sent some men 

to talk loudly outside my Mindfulness meeting 

they see it as a kind of 'peace and love' threat ... 

and plan to embark on an offensive operation 

towards meditation and Mindfulness groups ... 


course as we were saying 

the orientals would not see meditation 

at odds with their military strategies ...