I phoned him to apologise
and he was all chirpy sweetness and light !
i also saw my therapist today
who seemed to urge me to phone him
rather than sitting on it , wondering what he was thinking.
He's very unpredictable though
and sometimes goes into a stormy tirade against me
which is devastating, albeit only verbal
in therapy its bringing up memories
of the early days living with him after Mum died
and the terrible arguments he had with my brother
and how much they hurt each other
chasing each other round the streets hurling abuse and blame.
and i feel traumatised all over again
the loss of my mother
followed by the destruction of family relationships.
I suppose i am lucky that vestiges of those relationships are still hanging on
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