Friday, 11 September 2020

word jam : not be a machine

the golden switch    
what brings you warmth  
 
guy no 1 keeps telling me im posh  
and im getting a bit sick of it ... 
 
 im one of the illests 
and currently barely able to function    
 this has all been orchestrated  
by the golden switch during the small hours  
 
guy number one already knows how  to diversify his investments  
although he is not long out of a real life relationship  
with someone from our social circles  
might need more time on that one  
 
 i think guy no 2 is emotionally dependent  
on his cam girl  
in spite of being great at business ! 
 
k so to muddy things a bit  
there is guy no 1 
and guy no 2 who is my ex  
guy no 1 actually gets me to ' open up '  
more than he opens up himself   
which makes me naive  
 
lockdown is a living death  
 my ex boyfriend has organised a financial review for me !  
as a way to bring us closer ...  
strip jack naked  with all my weakness exposed  
its like being in a war 

where you are reduced to the absolute basics 

just surviving from one moment to the other 

waiting for the bomb to drop  
 
 the thing with the painting 
is I put everything into it 
trying to go forwards 
and now I'm pulled in 2 directions 
Avalon or the Egyptian otherworlds ?  
Mag Mell the plain of delight
 think i have been there   
 
portugal ?   
writing, quill, feather,  pelted with stones , 
overwhelmed , this brown envelope seems very timely  as a punishment ,  
 reminding me that im scum  
I feel like I'm being coerced actually 
about something else going on in my life 
 
I dont think people realise 
what is going on with the occult at the moment 
its gathered force on the internet 
and forms a powerful sea 
with choppy waves and tidal waves, 
tsunamis and the like 
especially how it affects peoples relationships 
 
the moon sits in an icy glass lake  
streaked like a fish bone  
a doorway to the mystical  
floating in space  
all bitterness gone  
ive opened out another cave  an area of tension  
blasted to smithereens  
why do people not do this ? !  
and what a mess  
do we even like each other  
 from different camps  
if you look at it that way  
one of the alternative buoys  
thats close to his heart   
im thrashing about like a fish  
arching my back  
high tensile strength  
 round and round  
like pulled out on a rack  
like an elastic band  
the balloon swells and pops  
bang   
 and all light pouring out  
and sparkling glitter everywhere  
 
 
 
 
 
 

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