word jam : the time loop

L Tryptophan hit
keep a word add a word drop a word
she cant help the double post ?
i go back and change it when that happens 
spoils the magic
when someone redirects it

neuroscience my arse !
its just cutting corners
n truth be told i cant remember
having sex with guy no 3
 
i have maternal feelings
but not broody 

with myself and no 2
its like a fairytale thing with no substance
n yeah me too 

k so i often get memories of guy no 3
especially when we had just met
it was winter and the snow seemed really magical 
and that stillness that you get with snow
the holly berries outside his door 

n it was cold inside with no heating
just the cooker and an electric bar heater
on which he made toast

and basil tea will trigger memories
and a pot of rice and baked beans with ginger in it
 
i remember the love thing
more than the sex thing

now we have some sort of an open relationship
but only as far as cyber sex is concerned
n theres thick black cloud all day today
 
n not everyone wants a normal family life

the borking set up ?
nah because people will be queuing up
wanting me to be made to do this and that for them
by the same method
so no im not listening to that

n guy no 4 got some great tracks as well !
but theyre all puppetteered but the author

k guy no 3
when you say that nothing much has happened to me
it just gets my back up really
you dont know what has happened to me
but im old enough to appreciate the oldy worldy stuff

n this is a poetry blog
not a manifesto !

i open my arms to the universe
n some of his ladies attack me
n i must hug them
 
so apparently im a porn star !
movies of myself and other girls
in their place of safety
abuse of vulnerable adults
high level porn
 
n theres a big eye looking at me
attached to a younger person 

my organs have been mangled
im a jukebox
my soul has been hammered out on the anvil 
 
boom crrraaaaack !
the tubes are crushed like accupuncture
wrung out like a flannel  

takes me all night to get to bed

my ego is annihilated 
and i feel a deep peace 


completely satisfied 



the second one 
was like a black hole 



a complete car crash 
impaled on a piece of glass 
thrashing about

like the crack of an earthquake 

more in the coccyx
hits you at the back of your spine
like a spaceship
blowing up the glands
  
i get turned on
by his confidence as well as his insecurities
there is this indoor confidence
n the visual aspect
 
a great Saturday night feeling !
being opened up and blown apart
 
like a frogs belly rises
sitting on a lotus
 
 
n its reverse psychology
is what they dont understand
n reverse reverse
 
like a hydraulic press

n music is playing my chakras like a harp
 
ringing bells in my head n this is health
even though im really dead
its wringing through my heart
 
n everything is open and alive
my heart is throbbing
 
n to be hones i can be quite unwell
after blowing my brains out

the violence im getting from the top
is just as bad as the violence i got from the bottom
 
n shes created some sort of sexual surrogate for him
but please note that i am single
and sharing the contents of my head
n this is the trouble with a time loop