jupitersterrain four

130816    4pm

I feel attracted to inappropriate people 

purely because they are inappropriate , 

they're too young, or too old, or married 

or theyre a celebrity or whatever ... 




140816 

when i first went on benefits 

I said to my brother 

that I'm going to pretend to be mentally ill 

in order to get more money ... 

Then some years later, I'm sectioned and put in a mental home ... 

and i don't really know whether i caused my illness myself 

or why i should want to do that . 


I couldn't face life without my violent boyfriend 

who made earning a living impossible 

and was scared i couldn't afford transport 

when i needed to get away from him ... 


OK so why was i in love with a violent schizophrenic in the first place ?