020924 , 010924

this blog is copyright of LIZARIKK , harpies and identity thieves are not welcome

I think somebody might be trying to abduct Dev 

not listening to intelligence in recovery meetings 

difficult for me to understand that i didnt deserve the abuse . 

i was quite a nasty piece of work at the time, bitchy and very beautiful , making cutting put downs, stuck up that kind of thing 

In those days fighting was a display of passion 

010924

There was a child in my life by 1990 , I'd left Simon for Neil. I saw the child being hit on the head , kicked , dragged by his hair 

I spoke to a social worker about it , they weren't sure whether to believe someone with a mental illness but they did investigate and the child experienced no more violence 

They are grown up now with their own children and there's no violence whatsoever

I've also learned from my therapist how to give trauma therapy , ive treated my brother with great results  

010924

Hopefully still married to Dev 

Or maybe not ... apparently my listening to a song is equivalent to opening a Web cam film ..

Simon court case ? Was for disturbance of the peace I think , I spoke up to the judge in his defense , the judge looked sympathetically at me , but wouldn't let him off so I stormed out the court room 

Cats ? Have an etiquette where you have to be invited to stroke them , their eyes are very expressive,  they like a slow blink 

k Dev over n out nice fight x  

trust you to choke me ? k ... not sure if ill like it ! 

A sonic boom

 

Dev and i are married  

ive been abused again Dev

020924

Maybe interruptions are a good thing

Therapist said you only need half the alcohol if you're  on meds 

 

 020924

It was good but wasn't Dev , more of a mysic festival  that one 

 

still married to Dev

I thought I did what you wanted Dev , been working on my book , going to post it on another blog that is not visible to the public 

Had a guy round about security 

 

sorry Dev and thanks 

 310824 , 300824 

This blog is copyright of LIZARIKK

my songs are not uploading to google photos worried no 2 is up to something 

i think somebody might be trying to abduct Dev 

My feet are thus attired fighting off skin infections 

im supposed to file the skin and moisturise it which im not finding time for 

i mean where do you file your feet without making a mess ? ! 

310824

K thanks Dev I can write all day on Monday x 

Carb reduction a problem , short of serotonin 

im reading up on how to write 

Also Simon is aware he's being written about and alot of the book is about  him, 

Unique angle ? Posh girl falls for a werewolf and his abuse is what made her what she is 

Motivation ? To immortalise my experience and highlight mental health , the zeitgeist , the music , 

Not sure who the target audience is , people like me who like whacky stories ! 

310824

k so for me drug highs were nothing compared to thrill seeking highs , some of them dangerous and destructive in my younger years , danger and violence lots of adrenalin 

and only after the age of 50 did i learn to seek supervised thrills from fair grounds and paragliding 

n maybe no 2 was a honey trap of sorts i dont know , hes done alot for me , but is also controlling 

in my childhood you werent anybody unless you were getting divorced or living in sin 

Simon had traits of hippy ness , but a very clean one , very straight edge , an emo kid with an anorak , thats where i get the geek thing from , i really didnt expect to fall from him he wasnt my type

and the squats ? we had the ' riff raff ' in there , people from the streets , people of all races , guitars , percussion instruments , practically open door 

310824

and people trying to ' guru ' us , older people , we didnt seem to be afraid of anybody , made up beds for them, shared our food , smoked dope together , 

and i would get violently sick , not sure if it was because of the hygiene or some kind of spiking , i remember people putting their hands on my back to heal me as i screamed in sickness

particularly on three occasions 

brushes with death i thnk mostly around Simon , being chased with a pane of glass , being locked into his flat , threatned with scissors , and later on in life throwing myself out of a window , ive often felt close to death and found it comforting

310824

the zeitgeist was that everybody was fighting , there were drugs but id say that fights and arguments were more the in thing at the time , swearing , shouting , angst, drama , soap operas going on , intrigues , infidelities that sort of thing 

we spoke of spirutal things and listened to Mike Oldfield , Hendrix , Fela Kuti , Herbie Hancock, 

i was told i was talented at throwing parties , i didnt feel i was , a big crowd was difficult for me and i couldnt handle the drink realy or the dope which would make me paranoid 

but yes we had some good parties, doing freak out dances, the others standing in a circle while one person lets rips

 300824 , 290824

This blog is copyright of LIZARIKK , Harpies and identity thiefs not welcome

 

still married to Dev hopefully , can't say too much without giving clues 

K thanks guys ill have to just imagine the pube shaving for now 

 

k ive trimmed it with scissors which i first disinfected , and very tired after my journey today  , k k mabye better wait till it grows back then , meh reading on a train

 

i made this about aged 20 , self portrait , i just carried it from London it was like carrying two bricks 

 

290814 

 

the new baby looks like someone

300824

We're one of those cultures with embarrassed politeness but also extremely rude and offensive we are , unceremonious
 

the Jason Stephenson sleep channel on youtube has been terminated ! peopel are talking about it on reddit , hes nothing but brilliant at getting people to sleep ! especially when theyve had medications cut !!!  

might be no 2s doing he likes trying to control me

300824

K ive ordered a Gillette 

I got enjoying the journey back ! 

 

its like living in a squat when you have to gobble up your plate of food quickly before someone else asks for it  , then tells you youre ' tight ' for not giving it up 

n if you give it up youre ' alright ' ! then they can get on with skinning up . 

there was one boyfriend he said he didnt want us to smoke dope just to make the sex good

I think you might be having an affair Dev

300824

With Neil it was more of a fuck than making love . I loved his strength and together we'd care for mentally ill friends 

 

300824

 

he pushed it around the whole outside , then rubbed it on the g spot 

i thought about him coming , 12 minutes 

 290824 , 280824

280824

This blog is copyright of LIZARIKK , Harpies and identity thiefs not welcome

 

still married to Dev hopefully , can't say too much without giving clues 

Low fat products are homogenised Dev . I'm advised to reduce carbs and up the protein x

My medication is like a monthly cycle , not just the meds , I got people making claims on me as well 

 

there was a saxophone player waited about four days for me once ! 

Trying to taper off these meds 

Rels seem to be debating whether to destroy my pottery head

No 6 not welcome to delete stuff 

K so you're down to your last tenner , your boyfriend is chasing you with a pane of glass and you've got to get on a train with no money 

And a voice boomed out you have been seen jumping over the ticket barrier 

280824 

N running and running into London with no clue where I was going , not a good runner. I found superhuman strength from the adrenalin , I could suprise a man with how strong I was 

It took me two years to get him into bed , he felt he was going to lose something special . At the end of two years I put pressure on . It took a bit of practice to get into it but then became really passionate and we'd be there for hours doing that and sharing fantasies 

He was so perfect in bed so unlike his jekyll and Hyde character ,the werewolf is real 

word jam : old scratched vinyl

 280824, 270824 , 260824

This blog is copyright of LIZARIKK , Harpies and identity thiefs not welcome

 

still married to Dev hopefully , can't say too much without giving clues 

Rels seem to be debating whether to destroy my pottery head 

 

no 6 is not welcome to feed this material to the harpie or to delete any of it  , why because they are both still abusing me

 

Sensory detailing ? We children ran around naked enjoying the wet grass and tall hollyhocks,  running over the road in bare feet 

 

The earthy sensuality of bohemian life , sofas draped with purple and maroon velvet throws , the rooms dimly lit in the daytime , smell of wine and Cork,  trippy wallpaper with huge flowers

An atmosphere of sin ! 

 

A boy at nursery school invented a game called doctors and nurses in which he inspected the other children's genitals . We were served cocoa with milk and no sugar 

 

Mothers mental illness really kicked off when I was twelve . In one of her rages she stood up waving my music stand in the air shouting I am your mother ! Then she got down ,ripped my tights and said this is what the police do

 

260824

And as a child your like ok so this is normality is it , there's nothing to compare it to 

 

When I was 15 she came into my room at night and pulled the duvet off. I was wearing only pants. She said her own mother had felt her for breast cancer 

 

so then i had low self esteem . i had a crush on a boy called Jimmy at the orchestra , he was a trumpeter and i was a violinist . he said i was a perfect piece of creation ! but i had no confidence and got off with his friend 

who invited me outisde and asked for a blow job which i didnt feel like doing , so they called me a slag ! 

 

funny how im a slag for NOT doing something !  

at least i could say what i wanted, something that becomes more difficult after youve lost your virginity

260824

The monarchy ? I don't know much about , they're like part of the furniture . You'd be taken to see the changing of the guard at five years old . It has to do with the book of genesis 

When I was psychotic I went all the way up there with a vibrator at night 

I spoke to Tony Benn once at a socialist gathering , I took the Mike and asked what's happening in mental health . He threw up his hands and the cross legged socialists all laughed 

 

its my personal unscholarly theory that the apple represents a baby not sex  

a trip to Buckingham Palace was no different from a trip to London Zoo

N smells you remember decades later , the leather car seats that smelled of sick,  the elephant dung , the sadness of their faces 

260824

I kept newspaper cuttings about surveillance to prove I wasn't mad but the doctors were having none of it . I was somewhat removed from the pain of breaking my hip, actually celebrating my glory 

Things were rough in those days with my twin taken from me

one way to deal with grief 

The author helps alot of people online 

There's another friend wants to come into the zoom meetings,  not sure I can accommodate her , some people are hard work , there's a loyalty issue 

270824 

That was cryptic , Dev and I are married , sorry for the misunderstanding 

Thankyou Dev , it seems I have occasionally tourette like outbursts of inappropriateness . From all these years alone standing up to monsters x

A relative is reluctant to hand over my pottery head ... looks like they might vent their anger on it 

I've had a sedating medication 

 

thankyou guys ive stashed some ideas  

im a feral cat, ive never known stability or consistency or trust 

baby mother made a bed bugs threat 

Saturday 19 September 2020

word jam : old scratched vinyl

 

stones or feathers
celebrity endorsements ?

in the attic
an old scratched vinyl 
Running Bear

dilated pupils  , a fresh new world 
full of fun and surprises 
full of wonder

sometimes there are very special night birdies around here
that sound like tropical birds
not bats or owls !

a play ground of role play  
emotionally a bit choppy

vintage toy puppet theatre with red velvet curtains
and a Ghost Castle from the 70s  
 
my sparring partner is on the offensive today
with actors outside and posts made by solicitors

nope, all the switch doctors work again
sorry , feeling vulnerable today

she thinks its funny

apparently I'm supposed to be some kind of a bed bound zombie !

might spoil my e fred

last couple of days
2 clockwork clocks
and my clockwork watch have stopped working
a portent of something i don't know what

self harm comes from a feeling of numbness
as we communicate with our phones 
 
and not sure i appreciate the straw man technique ! 
were i to commit to guy no 2
he would immediately get bored within a nano second
and then the cam girls chorus would put on a special  

although i do have actual work business to discuss with him
due to an organisation we have been in

and actually there are some other exes
with whom i need to share intelligence

n he and 1 are carrying on in secret
like she did , he told her it was just a fun thing
nothing serious

its important we dont flirt in public though
or let on what is happening
because of what his ex is going through

n well we had the next dance i guess 

the earth opened up
n something hit me from the core
like an alien daemon 

maybe this thing will burn itself out
like even the brightest star 

smashing up my glass soul
with a sledge hammer
n this is not weak

tearing through my conditionings
ripping it all up

leaving a blank slate 
to learn this new soul

we just fell into each other
it wasnt possible to stop

after swimming bouncy and renewed  
with fairy lights of orange purple and pink 

 

Monday 27 April 2020

word jam : trippy afterglow

im a gullible idiot  
in real life, gormless without a search engine  

and i don't put you down
how do these people know everything ? 

people treat me like I'm stupid  

i loved you  
I've been tortured so much 
and its still buried inside 
somewhere they can't touch 

let me get closer to you he said 
see what lies within 

take off the mask 

if you really knew me 
you wouldn't want me 

I'm just an empty shell, a nobody 

wandering aimlessly the world 
the pressure of society bearing down on me 

supernova

sometimes the afterglow
is better than the ending 

floating around together in space 

n still repercussions in my stomach 
the next day 

trippy like the whole sun 

the parachute has gone up    
its a peak experience, 
I've been here before , been in love before  

and each time its more 

feel like I'm airborne 

the colours and lights run up your spine 
sometimes causing pain 

as your whole body reacts 

there isn't a woman 
more kind and loving than he is

 250824 , 240724

This blog is copyright of LIZARIKK , Harpies and identity thieves not welcome 

not listening to intelligence in recovery meetings 

cloud made a rape threat 

English sense of humour ? Very scatalogical. If you watch the comedy panel shows they're constantly returning to their own genitals !

Funny because we're also uptight . People must be tuning in just so they can tut tut at the comedians ! 

N all through childhood laughing about poos and wees,  the sounds we made doing a poo that sort of thing sitting on our potties 

My brother and I identified different types of farts from puffs to bombers . Sharing a room sometimes one would go off we thought it was an actual bomb 

250824

Wanted dead or alive 

 

 

amputeapot 2013

250824

Still in love with Dev

No 6 is having a go at me because things are not going well with his " new partner "

I got my swagger back ! 

Dev and I are married 

K thanks see you later 

Got a staff badge on the forum ! 

 

250824

 

catwalk sisters sequel 

 

all that was left of her was a pottery head , so the sisters decided to take a hammer to it .. .  

the author made a rape threat

Must try harder to not read her posts 

 240724 , 230824

THIS BLOG IS COPYRIGHT OF LIZARIKK , HARPIES AND IDENTITY THIEVES NOT WELCOME

 

Thankyou Dev , couple of things I feel my writing is being held against me . And I've not recovered from the drink yet ! its as if i cant wake up 

Dev you and Warhol are both invited to inherit my channel and archives

I feel I darent have sex yet and go through all that again in the forseesble future ! 

K well maybe about a week then 

Men want sex more because they're not doing as much emotional work as us 

*********

Anyway my love bombing trauma bonding exes 

Rotsank and Blane also invited to inherit my Archives 

*********

230824

Seriously can't go a week without sex. YOU ?!

 230824

still in love with Dev  , thanks for the leads, im feeling better now i think, thanks for noticing the spray ... 

Chucky has written something impressive ! he said im a bit rough and raw with no frills !

the author has made my vulnerable friend not allowed to have a zoom meeting with me . its fine if thats what my vulnerable friend wants , i just hope shes not been threatened ... 

Chucky is involved in that 

ive had a cushy life and can afford therapy ? erm no ive known poverty as well , ive been in a mental hospital

180824

 

i was on income support for many years and i lost teeth through malnutrition . but i always went out and sought help , free therapy , cut price therapy , day centres, churches, healers , whatever i could find 

 

now one of the reasons im on PIP is so i can afford therapy . its not easy to get these things .

Rape crisis centre is very good 

 

230824

n never much money for clothes , i wear the same clothes until they disintegrate


I was always on the run in those days
carrying a small black backpack

I still carry a small black backpack
n will never feel entirely at home

the backpack used to carry supplies that id looked up in an SAS suvival manual
including a pen knife and everything wrapped in plastic 

wrappint things in plastic was a probelm when i ended up in the mental hospital 

because youre not allowed plastic bags ! howd you keep your phone and stuff dry in the rain !  

 

i seem to have bitten and scratched Dev today ! Guess I'm like a smelly rescue cat with trust issues 

 

 homeless bird 040524 from a sketch from 2014

230824

Sorry Dev hug , cuddle

cant seem to shut up now !  

no 2 is threatening to get my neighbours a dog 

240824

OK Dev let's have another pact x

 

 230824 , 220824 , 210824 , 200824

THIS BLOG IS COPYRIGHT OF LIZARIKK , HARPIES AND IDENTITY THIEVES NOT WELCOME 

hi Dev im still madly in love with you . I also think it might be too early for a pact. weve just met, im on the rebound , i have anger grief and depression and need to mess about

ill give you a couple of days to get back to me about it x  

200824

k so the only woman i ever fancied 

it was in my late teens after my mother just died , she wrote i love you on my back , there was tension, we used to cuddle , but never actually carried out anything sexual , perhaps were both relieved because we'd not have liked to be labelled  

Thanks ...

Thankyou Dev not sure I can drink that much every day ! X

author claiming credit for something  

i dont feel as if ive drunk and i dont want people to think i drink ! My liver might be struggling 

k im trying to find the catwalk sisters from 2013 , some of the pdfs dont seem to have saved properly 

its about an ugly girl with a lovely voice whos catwalk sisters try to bottle her magic and shut her in a cupboard which leaks ' blooples ' of magic 

its a twist on the ugly sisters , with the beautiful sisters being the ugly ones

210824

Still in love with Dev .

Worried I might be a bit psychotic today , will go easy on the caffeine   

I think I am therefore I am 

How do I know you're not an undercover cop ! 

 

210824 

my childhood was in some ways idylllic , i didnt realise there was something wrong with my mother , or that i was a  people please from the day i was born i never knew there was anything wrong 

my grandparents had us to stay with our cousins and it was a romp of creativity and play , provided art materials , praise encouragement , dressing up clothes , tents, first aid kits , model railways , 

i was a high flyer, that got into a prestigious school with a grant so no fees, i got grade 8 violin and piano , 2 As and a B at A level , never very sporty , 

things started to go wrong when i was 12, mum was put on bolvidan which is now banned , and it brought out her latent schizophrenia . during my teens she made 18 suicide attempts which we got complacent about and finally ended it when i was 17 . my brother was alone in the house with her 

now decades later and due to my own therapy ive been able to tell him that he is traumatised and to start to heal him 

a role i previously resented because i had no skills 

210824

there was another scene with two school friends , one of them had us strip off to be smacked with a ruler . she must have seen some adult material

physically falling to bits today x 

anyway catwalk sisters : 

a man comes up the path listening to owls going twit to woo ( pun intended ) , comes into the house and hears a muffled voice and thumping noises from the cupboard where the girl is kept

220824

My liver seems to be infected Dev x still in love with you

220824

When little mum said to watch the hairdresser to see how they do it

Now I've been able to give trauma therapy to my brother , you need to tell the person they are traumatised and then leave space for them to process it

Best done in real life although maybe on a video call might work

k thanks Dev over n out 

220824

I had therapy and I was in a very disturbed state which was good because she had a chance to help me with that aspect of things

 

I think ive needed my meds and can slowly lift them 
to reveal these layers underneath 

found some really raw emotion

230824 

Not sure doing it all online would work , you'd not get the grounding

Might depend what sort of trauma it is

spent a couple years just crying on YouTube, well that was grounding ,dynamic, I got alot of support on there

still in love with Dev

the catwalk sisters from 2013

 THIS BLOG IS COPYRIGHT OF LIZARIKK , HARPIES AND IDENTITY THIEVES NOT WELCOME

The Catwalk Sisters
17.07.13. 13.32
she was an ugly girl
with a lovely voice ... n three catwalk sisters ....
n some of the men that came courting
were distracted by the songs
coming from the kitchen
n they found that if they locked her in the cupboard
that their own voices became more magical ...
18.07.13.
n make tootling melodies
n lune tunes
n alien bloops
****************
n then one day
one of the suitors heard a
muffled thumping noise coming
from the cupboard under the stairs
n took it upon himself to enquire if there
might be a power failure or trapped animal ....
**************
21.47
he was ushered into the drawing room
and informed that there was
a ghost present in the
house n it was a family secret
they must entreat him to reveal this to nobody ....
**********
n he took his leave somewhat bewildered
n i have no idea wha is going to happen next
*************
19.07.13.
n of course one day
he decies to take the long
way back to his estate down a woodland
path n is struck by the dazzling evening light
and a strange bird song ....
************
00.56
they wouldn't ...
they seemed so affable ... so attentive ...
***************
19.07.13. am
they wooo they wooo
n a dark could passed over the sharp glints
magpies laughing sarcastically
n the gulls sound like they are being assaulted
20.07.13.
the bird song reminded
her of the tunes coming from the sisters' kitchen
n they started to sound like words ...
21.07.13.
a twit a woo
caw caw
tak tak tak
tweet tweet
( yes i know i need to find better ones )
14.13
n then of course
he hears a rustling struggle
a muffled mumbling voice like one is gagged
n someone is dragging a live body
through the woods like a mummy
22.07.13.
n they found if they put a container
in the cupboard with some
water that some of the bloops n tootles
could be bottled ...
and a special frozen larder
was prepared with all labels for different
types of bloop
n you could drink one n start blooping
or do a little bloople
a tootle bloop
or a flootle ...
© Lizarikk, All Rights Reserved
23.07.13.
or an augmented
supernatural throat chord
where the strings in the organ sound further apart
*************
27.07.13
23.48
bouncels, balloon yelps ,
echoes, tong tongs n woodpecker yoyos
28.07.13.
n angel sighs
***************
30.07.13.
n they got hold
of a spray that could make her voice go all muffley ....
31.07.13.
n they were all tootling
n blooping n bubbling like nothing on earth ....
1.08.13.
and there was less
of that embarrassing noise coming from the cupboard ....
just a rather nasty smell ...
***********
2.07.13.     12.55pm
an nutty wood n stuff
n then one day
he took the forest path at glooming dusk
n heard what he could only describe as an owl guitar
**********
an the way the wood was
cut at angles make
it sound the more piercing n nutty echoes  ....
*************
4.08.13.
the sky went red ... he picked up the guitar
n started to strum
n all of a sudden he hears a screech
from the sisters' house ....
*************
11.08.13. 10.50am
to wit .. .
*************
14.08.13.
n she hadn't the
tiniest inkling she had made a song ...
*******
a whooo a whooo .....
terwitch terwitch terwitch
150813 4.04am
n she was tole
that her songs n paintings
did not belong to her
cus they were to pay for her keep .....
**********
15.08.13.
snatched from
her like newborn babes ....
************
17.08.13.
n sometimes
forcibly extracted from her cells ....
the prisoner is on
suicide watch ...
***************
190813 5.22am
a widowww wooo ooo
wooo widow wooo
230813
hoot hoot
***************
150913
honk honk
a bottle broke
on the terracotta floor
n there was magic leaking everywhere ...
oozing through windows
n down drains
n objects started to talk ...
150913
n people were looting
bottles of magic
160913
n strange knocks n bumps would come
from peoples stomachs
n things they hadn't said ....
170913
and then one of the sisters
found she could fit a device to the cupboard
that would have her sisters
utterances delivered directly into her brain
n there were rain bloops n popsicles galore
220913
n she was not allowed to
look in mirrors
011113
n then one day they filled the cupboard
with anthrax n she was not able to speak at all ...
ah htats better they said
give someone else a chance of an airing
n we've got all those bottles in the freezer ....
n they laughed at her
and called her a zombie

021113


n it was weird
she find she can make tunes
as long as they don't has any words
n it flashed through her mind
a picture book
a dead lion with a honeycomb inside
the last utterances of a dying man ...

she couldn't walk but
she could run

234am 05113
n shed always been
made to give everything
away even her own babies ....

The Catwalk Sisters continues / aka A Dead Bird Sings
1353
n she found that
when she couldn't speak
at all that the objects around her
would speak ... n they some how led
her away from her home ....
n to the city
where a young girl
is offered a promotion
in the film industry in return
for having a camera installed in her bedroom ...
n there were real witches
in the floorboards if you pour water on them
n old ladies with blue rinses
that get stuck in your throat
********************
n of course its she
that ends up singing to her dead birds ...
in a filthy bedsit

and would sing to them
n you could hear her crying bitterly
over them
***************
n the place was decorated
with wind chimes
made of bird skulls

 

The Catwalk Sisters / Bird Strangler

all fluffy n buzzing
a snap crackle n pop
in her hands
n all friendly n pleased
to see her

234am
148   271113
a bird so fresh
so alive ... in her hands
for just a few days ...
n how he'd cock his head
n look at her when she sang to him
a spark of recognition
his head bobbing
someone that understands his need for song

n a dark cloud passed over the sharp glints

magpies laughing sarcastically
n the gulls sound like they are being assaulted

20.07.13.

the bird song reminded
her of the tunes coming from the sisters' kitchen
n they started to sound like words ...

21.07.13.
a twit a woo
caw caw
tak tak tak
tweet tweet