jupitersterrain four

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this blog is copyright of LIZARIKK 

the harpies are not welcome 

Any resemblance to reality is pure coincidence 

IVE BEEN BLOCKED FROM AL-ANON online meetings  

its back on now touch wood 

we snuck away from our friends in the pub 

hiding behind the shutters 

my orgasm was cringe

Seems to go where it's not supposed to and the suggestions you made yesterday have helped Dev

Armand Shaubroek makes the most beautiful music ive ever heard 

Sometimes I reacts sexually to abuse it seems 

 

 the bird cage jump 150824

The author uses my online friends to send me gossip and lies which affect me 

 

i struggle sometimes with the gay ones due to abuse in that area 

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Thank you so much ... nb not usually possible to leave a vulnerable friend until they're well enough

I'm in love with Dev 

I don't want to leave my current vulnerable friends but could try to avoid new or old ones and their messages 

Might have to leave the sex alone for a few days . Thanks for the letters I really enjoy them 

 

today ive struggled to know which posts are yours  , maybe theyre doing AI versions of your style 

 

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so anyway , i stayed with Simon for about 10 years , and then things blew up between me and one of my relatives , there was violence and i ended up in the community care hub . Where i met a load of other mentally ill people , that i started to socialsie with 

one of who became my new boyfriend , Neil . ( names changed ) . i was moved into a half way house where i was burgled , as was everyone else there , the council wouldnt let us put bolts on the doors . i witnessed a stabbing there . Lots of drugs about although id become straight edge i think i stuck to it apart from an occasional glass of wine which didnt really agree with me 

Neil had epliepsy and mental ill health and i tried to ' cure ' him 

eventually things blew up with us too and he jumped in the river . i went in after him apparently although i dont remember , its what i was told . 

i had an affair with one of his friends which also ended in disaster when he suffered brain damage for some reason i dont know if he took an overdose or something 

but he ended up in hospital on life support and his personality never recovered , thats Thomas . 

it seemed i attracted disastrous relationships so i kind of decided to keep out of them for a bit , some recommend abstaining for ten years 

i think i might have gone three or four 

and then i met number two

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Thank you Dev and Scarey

Dev I'm thinking about contacting no 6 as a friend . Since we had a pact about it I'm asking you first , k so no to that 

so anyway no 2 ... i met in a mental health hub , he didnt seem at all unwell and was apparently working he said , although one of our friends assured me hes very unwell ! she had a dream he was a psychopath she said , some reason her dream stuck with me ? 

the author was dead against us getting involved and said he had ' unfinished business ' with a recent ex . Well it happened that this ex was doing her friends husband , so i didnt see why he wasnt fair game ! 

the author and to a lesser extent our other friend  sensed my attraction to no 2 and wound me up about it mercilessly , always with tales of him going out for drinks with his ex , how badly she was taking it and how very much in love with him she was. In fact usually when i show an interest in a guy his ex will come out of the woodwork and im expected to be ' sisterly ' with her 

so no 2 and i attemtped to bypass this boycot and excaped to the flat of our friend Brooke ( names changed ) where we had a sort of a debauched fest involving her filming us ... high times , all very unbiblical of course and i felt i paid for it in terms of karma and having not stayed behind with the author 

i was madly in love with him and in pain over it 

then he introducied me to his classical poetry blog  and i discovered the internet on my first computer at the age of fourty . where i was promptly pounced on by no 6 and had an on off relationship with him for about 20 years 

we were not allowed to meet due to professional boundaries

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k what im thinking about now Dev is to phone the author to ' make my peace with God ' ?

K I've phoned her and made peace with her

When dignitas arrives in the UK I'll be going 

 

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k so during the on off relationship with no 6 there was also Chucky , Scarey , Loz , Dev

probably more internet relationships 

and i think also encountering no 2 on the internet and Simon 

 

small world the internet 

 

then 2013 i jumped out of a first floor window and  fractured my pelvis , reason being becaue of surveillance cameras watching me in my bedroom and threatening hackers trying to steal art and poetry from my blogs 

i was held down by about 6 nurses and forcibly medicated while i screamed the place down . The medication was deadly and i was a zombie for a few days until they provided an antidote

i could hardly move and felt thats in my libido is gone forever 

but after some more changes i started having orgasms again 

to enjoy life and have some awesome experiences 

like paragliding and the booster ride 

and always utterly utterly alone

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i have some grief to work through about no 6 and having the harpie stabbing me and using our vulnerable friend to pass on nasty messages really doesnt help ... 

ive had a cushy life and can afford therapy ? erm no ive known poverty as well , ive been in a mental hospital , which she hasnt you know as you judge ...

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What's she spending her disability on if she can't afford therapy 

 

i was on income support for many years and i lost teeth through malnutrition . but i always went out and sought help , free therapy , cut price therapy , day centres, churches, healers , whatever i could find 

 

now one of the reasons im on PIP is so i can afford therapy . its not easy to get these things . reason im saying this is she thinks its funny to abuse me instead of bothering to get proper help , not that im back with no 6 ! 

 hope that helps

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Rape crisis centre is very good