word jam : old scratched vinyl

 280824, 270824 , 260824

This blog is copyright of LIZARIKK , Harpies and identity thiefs not welcome

 

still married to Dev hopefully , can't say too much without giving clues 

Rels seem to be debating whether to destroy my pottery head 

 

no 6 is not welcome to feed this material to the harpie or to delete any of it  , why because they are both still abusing me

 

Sensory detailing ? We children ran around naked enjoying the wet grass and tall hollyhocks,  running over the road in bare feet 

 

The earthy sensuality of bohemian life , sofas draped with purple and maroon velvet throws , the rooms dimly lit in the daytime , smell of wine and Cork,  trippy wallpaper with huge flowers

An atmosphere of sin ! 

 

A boy at nursery school invented a game called doctors and nurses in which he inspected the other children's genitals . We were served cocoa with milk and no sugar 

 

Mothers mental illness really kicked off when I was twelve . In one of her rages she stood up waving my music stand in the air shouting I am your mother ! Then she got down ,ripped my tights and said this is what the police do

 

260824

And as a child your like ok so this is normality is it , there's nothing to compare it to 

 

When I was 15 she came into my room at night and pulled the duvet off. I was wearing only pants. She said her own mother had felt her for breast cancer 

 

so then i had low self esteem . i had a crush on a boy called Jimmy at the orchestra , he was a trumpeter and i was a violinist . he said i was a perfect piece of creation ! but i had no confidence and got off with his friend 

who invited me outisde and asked for a blow job which i didnt feel like doing , so they called me a slag ! 

 

funny how im a slag for NOT doing something !  

at least i could say what i wanted, something that becomes more difficult after youve lost your virginity

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The monarchy ? I don't know much about , they're like part of the furniture . You'd be taken to see the changing of the guard at five years old . It has to do with the book of genesis 

When I was psychotic I went all the way up there with a vibrator at night 

I spoke to Tony Benn once at a socialist gathering , I took the Mike and asked what's happening in mental health . He threw up his hands and the cross legged socialists all laughed 

 

its my personal unscholarly theory that the apple represents a baby not sex  

a trip to Buckingham Palace was no different from a trip to London Zoo

N smells you remember decades later , the leather car seats that smelled of sick,  the elephant dung , the sadness of their faces 

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I kept newspaper cuttings about surveillance to prove I wasn't mad but the doctors were having none of it . I was somewhat removed from the pain of breaking my hip, actually celebrating my glory 

Things were rough in those days with my twin taken from me

one way to deal with grief 

The author helps alot of people online 

There's another friend wants to come into the zoom meetings,  not sure I can accommodate her , some people are hard work , there's a loyalty issue 

270824 

That was cryptic , Dev and I are married , sorry for the misunderstanding 

Thankyou Dev , it seems I have occasionally tourette like outbursts of inappropriateness . From all these years alone standing up to monsters x

A relative is reluctant to hand over my pottery head ... looks like they might vent their anger on it 

I've had a sedating medication 

 

thankyou guys ive stashed some ideas  

im a feral cat, ive never known stability or consistency or trust 

baby mother made a bed bugs threat 

Saturday 19 September 2020

word jam : old scratched vinyl

 

stones or feathers
celebrity endorsements ?

in the attic
an old scratched vinyl 
Running Bear

dilated pupils  , a fresh new world 
full of fun and surprises 
full of wonder

sometimes there are very special night birdies around here
that sound like tropical birds
not bats or owls !

a play ground of role play  
emotionally a bit choppy

vintage toy puppet theatre with red velvet curtains
and a Ghost Castle from the 70s  
 
my sparring partner is on the offensive today
with actors outside and posts made by solicitors

nope, all the switch doctors work again
sorry , feeling vulnerable today

she thinks its funny

apparently I'm supposed to be some kind of a bed bound zombie !

might spoil my e fred

last couple of days
2 clockwork clocks
and my clockwork watch have stopped working
a portent of something i don't know what

self harm comes from a feeling of numbness
as we communicate with our phones 
 
and not sure i appreciate the straw man technique ! 
were i to commit to guy no 2
he would immediately get bored within a nano second
and then the cam girls chorus would put on a special  

although i do have actual work business to discuss with him
due to an organisation we have been in

and actually there are some other exes
with whom i need to share intelligence

n he and 1 are carrying on in secret
like she did , he told her it was just a fun thing
nothing serious

its important we dont flirt in public though
or let on what is happening
because of what his ex is going through

n well we had the next dance i guess 

the earth opened up
n something hit me from the core
like an alien daemon 

maybe this thing will burn itself out
like even the brightest star 

smashing up my glass soul
with a sledge hammer
n this is not weak

tearing through my conditionings
ripping it all up

leaving a blank slate 
to learn this new soul

we just fell into each other
it wasnt possible to stop

after swimming bouncy and renewed  
with fairy lights of orange purple and pink 

 

Monday 27 April 2020

word jam : trippy afterglow

im a gullible idiot  
in real life, gormless without a search engine  

and i don't put you down
how do these people know everything ? 

people treat me like I'm stupid  

i loved you  
I've been tortured so much 
and its still buried inside 
somewhere they can't touch 

let me get closer to you he said 
see what lies within 

take off the mask 

if you really knew me 
you wouldn't want me 

I'm just an empty shell, a nobody 

wandering aimlessly the world 
the pressure of society bearing down on me 

supernova

sometimes the afterglow
is better than the ending 

floating around together in space 

n still repercussions in my stomach 
the next day 

trippy like the whole sun 

the parachute has gone up    
its a peak experience, 
I've been here before , been in love before  

and each time its more 

feel like I'm airborne 

the colours and lights run up your spine 
sometimes causing pain 

as your whole body reacts 

there isn't a woman 
more kind and loving than he is