300917

grab the key 
while he's asleep 
and run
you've got about 30 seconds 

you couldn't make mistakes 
in that situation 
if you were too slow 
you couldn't unlock the door 
and would be killed 

making mistakes 
is not for astronauts ... 

260917 / 2800917 

so lost 

i feel like I'm having a breakdown 
this creeping fear 

240917 

he told me to kill myself 
and called me a cunt 
where is my dignity ? 

n i believe in euthanasia ... 

id be quite happy 
to take a lethal injection 
and save you all 
a wad of cash 

n you can literally hear the clouds 

i just turn into a child
n a soppy mess
all chance of a healthy one 
out the window 

probably why my throat 
is seizing up 

230917 

am i still talking ? 
am i still saying how i feel about things ? 
or has the drug taken over ? 
theres no need to give me rohypnol 
I'm already out of it ... 

220917 

what do you want to talk about though? 
i dunno just little things 
just something normal
I'm just so lonely 

they're taking me to court 
over the money 
its really frightening 
all the hard work I've done 
being held against me 

n its like some sort of weird job interview 
trying to prove you can't do things 
it makes me really sick 

210917 / 220917 

like that time 
i was accused of shop lifting 
it sounds kinda cool ! 

my home is so dirty 
the dust is made of rotting flesh 
maybe I'm just angry 
maybe I'm a criminal 

not feeling too great 
i was roaming around the streets
screaming at people 
i even exposed myself 
n this was just before i jumped 

210917 

n the truth 
aint gonna cut it 
not this time 
if i could only find the right words 
i wouldn't have to lie to you 

210917 

hang on you're rushing me 
its alright for people who have partners 
and normal people at home 
im not the only one who doesnt understand 
n i can't shake this off 

i don't feel like doing anything
doing nothing 
sounds good to me 
watching the world go by 

can i have some of your light please 
your shining light 

180917 

the knot in my stomach 

feeling like a marionette 
making room for the pain 
the nerves, the shame ...
the suffering in your brain 

160917 / 170917 

so much darkness 
heartbroken 
alive 

150917 pm

at the mercy of the tides 
my liver n kidneys 

a turmoil of feelings 
he sounds so aggressive and demonic 
its burned  hole in my brain 

feel shaky and panicky 
shock, trauma, 
hard times ... 

140917 / 150917 

angry and frightened 

all passion scrubbed from my soul 
i just feel so drained 

i have no-one to talk to 
and no friends 

i don't even have 
the status of a slave ... 

scream as loud as you can, she said
as she thumped me in the back
and ran her finger
down my neck

you're stuck ...

she banged the door in my face
border clashes
i can hear them fighting
and slamming doors

im in shock
i cannot move
all the magic is gone

they will kick me out
and where will i go ?

stranded here
with a psychopath ...

im in shock 
i cannot move 
all the magic is gone 

they will kick me out 
and where will i go ?

stranded here 
with a psychopath ...

080917 / 090917 

searching for my dead mother 
this morbid obsession 

i had to go on living 
without her 
n i didnt want to 

060917 

just this frustration and rage 
that i can't find her 

and you're not her ... 

food : fluorescent spaghetti / neon spaghetti

070917 

make a pesto 
with Capricorn goats cheese, basil, rocket, watercress, spinach, 
rapeseed oil, 5 cloves of garlic, a bit of water 

050917

scream as loud as you can, she said 
as she thumped me in the back 
and ran her finger 
down my neck 

you're stuck ... 

020917 

it rips my heart 

030917 

of course to them 
an argument 
might not be the end of the world 
where to me its a catastrophe 

i can hear them rowing 
and slamming doors 

hostilities