281119 

why do i always fancy the wrong person ? 

those girls at the races had a choice 
it was a drunken dare 

pissing in the urinals 

271119

the guy is on a great frequency 

251119 

and things are such now 
that i seem to have a few male partners 
all of whom know that we are not faithful to each other 
but each one seems to be the right one when I'm talking to him 
the real one the one who is really my partner 

so like several open relationships going on 

and I'm stumbling around in the dark 

251119


I actually think there is something magnificent about bpd
im diagnosed with schizophrenia
but I share so many characterisitcs with bpd
they are such passionate creative people, so brave and fearless

I suppose the self harm is a bitch
but I somehow have managed to overcome that

harassed by a drunk man 

well yes and alot of men do understand as well
if they are not drunk in an unpleasant way

but yes I do end up thinking what have I done to invite this
certainly nothing flirtatious in this case
I started wondering if his hair looks like mine
because it is scruffy

sometimes hair can attract certain types of people

if a woman expresses a sexual thought 

so there are circles where this is not a problem
like in new age progressive green gatherings
where roleplay groups are doing conflict management and stuff
there are workshops where sexuality is explored

but in mainstream society
if a woman expresses something sexual or flirtatious
its is regarded as a promise to any male present
or even also to a gay woman present sometimes

when she may not actually have invested so much of herself in that thought
she may be just observing her own patterns

so is it really true that men cannot control themselves sexually ?

yes I think people can be taught to control themselves

there used to be a thing
where some women expected to be chased
as part of a courting game

but its best not to do that now
considering as you said laws that are in place

or if people want to play those games
they need to put in place a safe word
I dont see the need to make one up
just say ' safe word '

if someone is not reading you right

241119 

are straight people shallow ? 

word jam : whats wrong with schizophrenia

try running uphill 
carrying a brick layer

sometimes its music 
that comes from nowhere 
especially percussion sounds 
like during my worst episodes 
there would be a euphoria 
where all the sounds in the kitchen 
like pots and pans 
would be all jangling 
with different notes making a tune 
which I called Tootle Tunes  

other times entire melodies 
I have been able 
to write down for the piano 
and mystical beasts I could draw 
like it had come from somewhere else 

I liked skateboard parks 
for the sounds out there 
that would turn into reggae  
now recently i just get 
a little bit of percussion 
coming from objects in my home 

the joy of sleeping on someones dirty floor 

my friends found it funny 
i was asleep next to a loud speaker 

i had to get out of his flat 
i went and fell asleep 
outside the National Gallery 
enjoying the hot sun   
and the thundering of the traffic 
the soul of London   

following on from cyber sex 
you can reach a plane of astro sex   

one day their memory 
will be extinguished forever 

when flaming torches 
would ignite our hearts

211119

one day their memory 

will be extinguished forever 

when flaming torches 
would ignite our hearts

211119

anyone had these
not sure if they are always voices
sometimes its music that comes from nowhere
especially percussion sounds
like during my worst episodes there would be a euphoria
where all the sounds in the kitchen like pots and pans
would be all jangling with different notes making a tune
which I called Tootle Tunes
and I tried to record it

other times entire melodies
I have been able to write down for the piano
and mystical beasts I could draw
like the whole image was just there
like it had come from somewhere else

I particularly liked skateboard parks
for the sounds in there that would turn into reggae music
now recently all I'm getting is a little bit of percussion
coming from objects in my home

201119

try running uphill 
carrying a brick layer 

181119 

the joy of sleeping on someones dirty floor 

my friends found it funny 
i was asleep next to a loud speaker 

171119 

i had to get out of his flat 
i went and feel asleep outside the National Gallery 
enjoying the hot sun   
and the thundering of the traffic 
the soul of London   

following on from cyber sex 
you can reach the place of astro sex  

n if they think you are in it for a career 
they will not speak to you 

word jam : on the rebound

doesnt have to go anywhere
more one flew over the cuckoos nest for me
the castle wall is collapsing

maybe I'm more of a flirt than most people though
I seem to wind people up sometimes
maybe they think I mean it when I dont
I will make it sound as though we are already intimate
when I'm as fickle as a dandelion !

those watery eyes

yes and how much of that time
are you looking into your phone ?
just wondering because last I heard
you were looking into the phone at a night club
theres usually another pie inside a pie

I would say I have a cheating issue
which is more like I will leave a partner too quickly
not leaving any space in between
and with no warning 

I feel quite drunk as it is without anything !
I can have some kind of a ' trip ' without taking LSD
just remembering it
that way I dont get the downer

psychosis and alien states
is a spiritual state
involving direct contact with other entities
and not via any religion
a state that is free of the conditionings of our societies
where we are the aliens
we are above the advertising and propaganda

like a slippery ball
at times the dark side will bounce
and show its hand

yes I like that look on a bloke !
there has to be something sensitive
and delicate about them for me
sensitive hands
like a tragic poet look
ive never been out with a macho man

got a handle on spirituality he says !

n this is where the author steps in
to pour the cold water
the author is a character from my book
was that a different alter ?

he used to have an Irish accent
but the same build
all the mannerisms are there
n now he has a posh voice

spin the bottle, tutti frutti
the world was losing its humanity
does straight mean square ?

suddenly i saw myself as dangerous
the insides of me exposed to ridicule
I had nobody to share my pain with
and then I start to believe
I am no longer human
literally I feel like an animal

a climate change protester
was dragged off a train roof
and beaten up
feeling the energy of the tree

pathological demand resistance
and wolfism
remind me of myself
rough justice

I've never been to Mars
someone was watching us
or is that just paranoia ?

i think i found
my inner puppet
just a disembodied head

151119 

nb comments disabled on last vid 
not by me 

141119 

doesnt have to go anywhere 

131119 

more one flew over the cuckoos nest for me 

111119

the castle wall is collapsing 

081119

maybe I'm more of a flirt than most people though
I seem to wind people up sometimes
maybe they think I mean it when I dont
I will make it sound as though we are already intimate
when I'm as fickle as a dandelion ! 

061119 

those watery eyes

yes and how much of that time
are you looking into your phone ?

just wondering because last I heard
you were looking into the phone at a night club

sorry bit of a slip in my behaviour

theres usually another pie inside a pie

051119

I seem to have very similar issues
although a different diagnosis

I would say I have a cheating issue
which is more like I will leave a partner
for a new partner too quickly
not leaving any space in between

and with no warning

so I guess that would feel like cheating
to the other person

I usually in love with 2 people

031119

I feel quite drunk as it is without anything !
I can have some kind of a ' trip ' without taking LSD
just remembering it
that way I dont get the downer

I dont really regret it
but I was very very lucky
because my brother got addicted

my meds sobered me up a bit
but I can quite happily sit with drunk people
lolling about with a coke !

psychosis and alien states

is a spiritual state
involving direct contact with other entities
and not via any religion

a state that is free of the conditionings of our societies
where we are the aliens

we are above the advertising and propaganda

021119 

like a slippery ball 
at times the dark side will rebel 
and show its hand 

021119

yes I like that look on a bloke !
there has to be something sensitive 

and delicate about them for me
sensitive hands

like a tragic poet look

ive never been out with a macho man

011119 

got a handle on spirituality he says ! 

n this is where the author steps in 
to  pour the cold water