010721

gnashing my teeth 

 

 

 

 

300621

I think usually women are not trying to get raped .
some couples have masochistic games going on
which goes all the way back to little Bo peep really

in recent years such people speak of a ' safe word '
which has not been enough explored I think

even in Victorian times it was considered
that a woman saying no was to be pursued for her hand in marriage
by her ardent suitor and he would wear her down

and I know many a Christian wife who was ' wooed ' in this way

my suggestion is that if people have not decided on a safe word
they could just say safe word

because people sometimes are uncertain how they feel about it
they are exploring they haven't decided
but if someone says ' safe word ' it means
look I really don't want this I have seriously finished with you



also if they block you on social media put your

email into spam and say they want nothing to do with you

you can satisfy yourself they have moved on

 

300621

classicism is dead ?


so I started off studying classical art and architecture
and became something of a classicist

then I met someone in my twenties who turned me right around
and I became this very lefty woke person new age kind of thing
and thought that classicists were right wing

and now I have a bit of an identity crisis about it
because my classical stuff I really like some of what I did
and wonder if it still has any value for me
although the greek influences kind of bring it together
and I just noticed that I prefer Greek Architecture to Roman
they were more into their aesthetics

I believe when the Queen dies
that 100 odd years of British traditions are going with her ...
so that the classical influences will be more of a relic
and even the language is changing
from being mostly Latin influences with a bit of Greek and German
and Celtic

I wonder where Lady Gaga is with this stuff now
because she was also a classical artist and still is
when she does some operatic singing
but has mostly turned her influences to pop 

 

 

 

300621

twitching muscles 

 

 

 

300621

 

baby mother is on the warpath 

she sent a spam actress to the supermarket 

to tell me im getting old 

and then targetted me with perfumes 

to affect my bladder 

third time recently she has done this chemical warfare 

very surreptitiously 

because she doesnt want the supermarket owners to know about it 

 

 

 

 

300621

i see warnings that i will have the author foisted on me 

so i be on the lookout for that ... 

 

 

 

120621

 

 

 

290621

i feel like a helium balloon 

 

 

 

280621

 

ive seen you write really good classical poetry  

you wrote something of a Greek tragedy 

when we split up before 

enjoyed watching you play 

use that to play with me 

he wants me to think about him 

while i play  

 

it reached up to the sternum bone 

i feel so alive 

280621

chuckster on the warpath 

 

 

 

 

270621

baby mother sent an alcoholic actor 

into my recovery meeting to insult me 

yet in spite of all that effort 

she still does not seem to achieve her objective ! 

 

 

 

260621

baby mother targeted me at the supermarket 

with perfumes and called me a coward 

 

 

 

 

230621

like myself I'm not gay but I'm very alternative


n yeah I'm just reading his face and at first I thought he looked evil . Then listening to the music I came to feel that he has been through a lot of battles about being gay
which gives him a kind of bitterness which the music helps to explain

im a bit hocd actually I think
I feel I've come under a lot of pressure to be gay
and there is this fear that some woman will succeed by making me feel obligated or sorry for them ha ha

like men are supposedly supposed to do  

yes I think there is a lot of pressure for women. And I get the impression there is some lobby somewhere that thinks we could really kick the mens arses if we got together

like there was this friend I felt she had a crush on me , she would send me newspaper cuttings saying nasty things about men , and she would pick off my other friends and stuff so I stopped seeing her

 

 

 

230621

noticing how I react to loud aggressive noises next door 

re triggering the trauma
like my tummy is jumping about 

 

 

 

 

180621

someone needs to make a ' flannel wash ' lotion 

because you can clean yourself up pretty well with baby wipes 

but its obviously not good for the environment 

using a similar fluid that makes the baby wipes 

you could use a damp flannel to clean yourself 

rinse the flannel and then wipe away the lotion 

with the rinsed damp flannel 

 

and check out my new fragrance for men ... Hay Barn ! 

 

 

 

 

180621

that one took ten minutes 

 

 

 

180621

you should not say to me 

that my benefits will be reduced 

if i dont have sex with you 

 

 

 

 

180621

 

is that really your post ? 

i meant posted sas in the military  

this disgusting sweat

i banged myself real good 

the neighbour doesnt like it 

someone of my age ... 

i would be traumatised  ! 

i show him how haughty i am 

and then he puts me in my place

like Lady Chatterley 

n im like literally dying 

170621

author threatening to tell forum members

my real name 

 

 

 

 

170621

author changed tack and spread a rumor

that im not being a very good listener 

170621

the author is planning working on a bandwagon tonight 

through manipulating the churches 

 

 

 

 

160621

your willingness to help someone 

should not depend on whether im going to have sex with you ! 

thats coercion 

 

 

 

120621

I have struggled with this as well
I think therapists recommend something like
' taking sex off the table ' yes I know it sounds funny

but seriously it involves having other kinds of intimacy with your partner
including cuddling , but forbidding yourselves to have sex
for a period of time which might re-kindle things 

 

 

 

 

word jam : the dream world

 


k so the cam girl and i are in some king of a bartering game
because we represent different frontiers
our bantering is not necessarily hostile
 
i feel like a toy
this is mental health not learning difficulties
im going against the grain of popular thinking
 
youre my ride
 
hey dude ... i will feel hurt if you leave me
i will hurt real bad
even though you have done it before ...
 
patriot terrorist snake bite boot good
 
anything triggered you today ?
 
i was flash mobbed at the supermarket  
 
a whirlwind of emotions

what would I need to hear if that was me talking
 
maybe that was a cultural thing
he was telling me about his day
in which he had to help out with a situation
where something bad had happened  
 
and i thought he was giving me a warning
 
perhaps my adrenalin junkie days are over
very delerious from the heat and the astra zeneca jab
 
adrenalin junkie guitar gently melts
 
hey why'd i blow him off like that ?
im really evil !
 
have you tried looking at a page of emoticons
see if they trigger anything ?
 
dizzy wobbly shaky
still my guitar slowly melts
 
 
I had my jab yesterday which put me out of my mind a bit
and then I watched a visualization
where you go to the land of the elves where hobbits and stuff reside

I slept for 10 hours after that
and went to a gnomes party with a band playing

there in the crowd were some estranged relatives standing together !

today I have the sense that there are real fairies about
living amongst the flowers in an alternate universe

I think if you pull the other way
they will either follow you or you will reach someone else 



feelings are like a runaway horse 


they can't always be stopped 


but if you let them free they will go other places as well

when we are done fighting
the grasses are waving in the sun
 
i didnt know ther was trafiking going on
 
number 2 has promised to marry me off to number z
i think because my interest in number 6
spoils the view from his window
and to make the cam girl supreme
he needs to destroy me
so that they can usher in the new global financial order together
 
i didnt contact you because i thought you didnt want me to
was i being too forward ?
why am i always making the first move ?
 
so if a woman is past her best
in terms of looks
then if she talks about sex
she is not asking for it
 
and one of them flew so close i could feel his wings on my hair !

are women asking for it ?


if they join in or initiate conversations about sex ?
if they wear revealing clothes ?

is it assumed that if a woman expresses herself sexually
that she must be issuing an invitation to somebody ?  

is it only men who are allowed to broach these topics ?

must women accept whatever is dished back in return ?


I don't know because addicts have the shakes though

I was looking at my regrettable past today
in which in my twenties I used to get into fights with men !

but it left me with a newly discovered courage
 
you have been heard
im sorry this has happened to you
 

the adrenalin fuelled adventures
lead me to fulfill my dream of paragliding
and to experience the dream world here on earth
 
I stopped drinking and went crazy that way

and after all you can get better experiences from meditation
if you know what you are looking for

you never know you might get laid off
and i might get laid on
is what im worried about ha ha

empathy is to feel the other persons feelings
sexual empathy
 

hypnic jerks
from the narcotic injection
im not all there
what they wanna do that for ? 
bit of a snake bite that one
way to go giving in to the black hole
he could do better than me
and yet here he is
and now im inflated
bit of a scorpion sting

120621

k so the cam girl and i are in some king of a bartering game 

because we represent different frontiers 

our bantering is not necessarily hostile 

its a negotiation between different governments 

 

 

 

 

120621

 

i feel like a toy 

this is mental health not learning difficulties 

im going against the grain of popular thinking 

 

 

110621

youre my ride 

 

 

 

110621

hey Jude ... i will feel hurt if you leave me 

i will hurt real bad

even though you have done it before ... 

 

 

 

 

110621

patriot terrorist snake bite boot good

 

 

 

110621

anything triggered you today ? 

 

 

 

090621

i was flash mobbed at the supermarket today 

they were representing baby mother 

 

 

 

080621

 

1. we admitted we were powerless over our mental health 

that our lives had become unmanageable  

2. came to believe there were people out there 

who could help us 

3. made a decision to look for those people 

4. looked for opportunities to open up at our own pace 

5. we looked at our weaknesses and our strengths 

but paying special attention to our good points 

6. we believed now that life could heal us 

and make us more accepting of ourselves 

7. it was a humbling experience to find these people who could help us 

and that we were not alone any more 

8. as we learned to be more accepting of ourselves 

acceptance of other people started to follow 

 

9. we made amends to ourselves wherever possible 

in ways that were healthy for ourselves and others 

 

10. continued to work on our self esteem daily 

11. we sought opportunities to be more healthy 

and find wholesome activities like exercise and relaxation

12.  having come to feel much better 

we were in a position to help others and to consolidate our learning

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

080621

 

i think the problem lies with the cam girl 

who keeps trying to fight me 

whijch is blocking the spiritual connection 

between all of us 

who are suppose to weave into a celtic weft 

with no one person ruling .. . 

070621

 

hypnic jerks 

from the narcotic injection

im not all there 

what they wanna do that for ?  

bit of a snake bite that one 

way to go giving in to the black hole 

he could do better than me 

and yet here he is 

bit of a scorpion sting

and now im inflated 

060621

well kitten while you are asleep tonight
some birdies will gather on the roof
planning to play chases with the kittens the following day
because they were kind enough to let the birdies go
so they are building a nest on the roof
so they can camp out overnight and wait for the girlies to wake up
the next day and have explores !

 

 

 

060621

a whirlwind of emotions 

 

 

 

050621

Madame Pimp 

 

 

 

020621

I've not actually done a lot of courses in mental health or counselling, and I actually disagree with some of the things we were taught !

by helping people I mean thinking ' what would I need to hear if that was me talking ' if you happen to find someone who has similar issues to you

my anxiety is much better for doing that

hey I have to go for a bit now see you later

 

 

 

020621

I think that is either you need some more therapy

or you will get relief from helping others with similar issues

but ... I found doing that as a career doesn't necessarily work , I feel better helping people from a position of freedom

 

 

 

020621

 

maybe that was a cultural thing 

he was telling me about his day 

in which he had to help out with a situation 

where a woman had got beaten up 

 

and i thought he was giving me a warning 

 

 

 

020621

perhaps my adrenalin junkie days are over 

very ill from the heat and the astra zeneca jab 

ive written to my gp about it  

adrenalin junkie guitar gently melts

 

 

 

010621

hey why'd i blow him off like that ? 

im really evil ! 

 

 

010621

k and im not supposed to announce who im with 

until 20th June 

 

 

 

010621

k im not here yet and im not too well today 

but it seems that i unwittingly set men up 

by talking about evil things 

and then calling for help when they do the same 

 

 

 

010621

k so maybe he wasnt trying to scare me 

but it did scare me though 

i will have another look at it later