240219 / 250219 

took me weeks 
to win back the trust of his wife 

n who's to say 
it wasnt a Shamanic experience 

usually I'm in love with one person 
and theres something incredibly lustful 
going on elsewhere 
that breaks my own heart 
i broke it myself 

archives from 2013

rap song : paranoid schizophrenia

and how would you know ...

please don't make me beg 
a pile up 
where is all that noise coming from 

the earth stopped running under my bare feet 
hypnotised into a rigid trance 
I was locked inside a transparent coffin 

the audience tightened the noose 
a large buzzsaw 
severed me into two separate pieces

just an illusion ... 

my body jerks out of the coffin like a jack in the box 

the head hanging from a spring  

ufos ... those helmets 
what makes a bad atmosphere 
interfering with my telepathy ...  
a cross current of music buggin my phone 

an I got the rap for it ... I haven't been 
allowed out for years ... you know 
dude my dad works for The Firm
an some guns don't need a 
trigger if you put it to 
your head 

I can't really
put a finger on it 
you gone all blingy dude 
that aint you I seen you really real 
man ... jus move away slowly from the 
plastic chain and nobody will get hurt ... posh
yeah give ya that ... jus not everyone had a mamma

like yous ... so who's Pistorius ha cus i seens 
nurses like holding down a patients arm 
he just wanted to get me a crystal 
ball thats all a gifts from his 
collection before he died
a lonely death in the 
nuthouse

an ill give you shit ... 

230219 

drivel 

we made each other weightless
floating in space 
with no goal 
in an altered state
bouncing off each others hands 
a web of bubbles  
passing through each other like ghosts 

rap song : staring at the moon

the moon 
had luminous purple edges 
i stared at it so long

id like to be able to read it

so how i manage to be in love with someone
that i have no communication 
with i don't know !

probably just fantasy

to be close to you 
and then to lose you 


I've opened up 
and been hurt too many times 

n i bin here before 


not sure if i can give my heart again 

under the glare of these cameras 

n Fritz says he's the only one 

who can make a cookie island 

and switch off the surveillance 


being female is a disability
she's a life support machine 
with no arms or legs 

what no children ? 
is that a bit of a sore point ? 

n like the security guard said 
you have to sacrifice a family member 
in order to become famous 

you saying white people 
can't make a rap ? 
no thats not what I'm saying 
but you owe me something 
so what do i owe you ? 
we're going to hurt your nephew 

200219 / 210219  

to be close to you 
and then to lose you 

I've opened up 
and been hurt too many times 
n i bin here before 

not sure if i can give my heart again 
under the glare of these cameras 
n Fritz says he's the only one 
who can make a cookie island 
and switch off the surveillance 

the moon 

had luminous purple edges 

i stared at it so long

rap song : hacker trolls

not exactly moon love 

it doesnt make flashing lights 

i thought it was just a playful flirtation 

how am i leading you on 

if we're just friends 

maybe I like being on my own  

performance anxiety 

the reality 

never lives up to it 

n now i feel scared 

lunatic indeed 

fantabulous 

drunk on caffeine 

in a manic psychosis 

kids listening to gangster music 

about murder and that 

gangster killings 

its satanic 

people have been cloned 

in government mind control

the government are pumping stuff into the air 

to control our minds 

i got put in hospital for saying things like that

n this was a security guard ! 

you like the old school like me 

yeah stuff about being bullied 

n then i fist bumped him on the arm 

like a poser    

n people go slightly mad on their own

n can't afford to use the phone 

too dozy to drive, my head in the clouds 

kids listening to gangster music 

about murder and that 

gangster killings 

so they have somehow hacked into my details

and found that I'm in the middle of a switch

and therefore vulnerable 

to picking up the phone

and being led astray ...

190219 

not exactly moon sex 
it doesnt make flashing lights 

160219 

i thought it was just a playful flirtation 

how am i leading you on 
if we're just friends 

maybe I'm solo sexual 
performance anxiety 
the reality 
never lives up to it 

n now i feel scared 

rap song : the Jane Austen card

people in the care industry 
never go on strike 

been down wid de bitches 
at the back of my hood 
they squabble and fight 
it was something i like  

bit too alpha male for me 

the expectations 
that romance should be a certain way 

once the injection is in you 
you lose your way 

whats more of a mystery 
is this enormous pressure
that i feel on my stomach 

just upcycling my junk 

when i was in hospital 
i didnt have a poo for 2 weeks 

i can't read your book 
its in a foreign language 

n I'm having to eat for these girls 

act professional at all times 
n fob them off 
with some standard pat 

i was interrupted 
by the children 

i got the Jane Austen card now just about 

next thing you know 
you're planning what sort of kitchen surfaces
you want to have 

n something terrible is going to happen 

rap song : valentines day 2109 part 3

maybe i didnt fight hard enough
when they medicated me

not that i would have succeeded
but some people would fight
hoping that the nurses would cross the line
and use unreasonable force

whereas i just screamed the place down

i just saw a shooting star !

I have empathy for certain things
but find it hard to concentrate

why do i get the impression
that you're not the guy in the photo

you have a silver tongue Sir
my type
as far as a fling goes

I'm just bored and lonely
and you just happen to be there

I'm just stringing you along
im in love with somebody else

you're not you're my friend

just to be clear
i don't meet people from the internet

I'm just using you

i think you're attractive
but i don't think
i would fall in love with you

9 days' wonder 

130219 

why do i get the impression 
that you're not the guy in the photo 

you have a silver tongue Sir 
my type 
as far as a fling goes 

I'm just bored and lonely 
and you just happen to be there 

120219 / 130219 

I'm just stringing you along
im in love with somebody else 

you're not you're my friend  

just to be clear 
i don't meet people from the internet 

I'm just using you 

i think you're attractive 
but i don't think 
i would fall in love with you 

9 days' wonder 

rap song : valentines day 2019 part 2

that was the one with the lights 

n what remains is me 

i feel guilty 
there was someone that i used 
when i needed help 
that i didnt love 

i always pick people 
who are wrong for me 
you strike me as exciting ... 
and dangerous 

n she likes Titian and Rubens as well 

n the Trixy 
she had never even seen his face 

n how she cried for him 

Scarey darling 
she will always love him 
no matter what
n she finds difficult 
to get closure on this one 

n Scarey was all tender 
n helpless in her arms 

n she doesnt mean to 
cause him any grief 


i feel compelled to respond to him 
n i don't know why 
maybe I'm frightened 

as if i owe him something 

n i needed no help 

100219 

i always pick people 
who are wrong for me 
you strike me as exciting ... 
and dangerous 

100219 

n she likes Titian and Rubens as well 

n the Trixy 
she had never even seen his face 

n how she cried for him 

100219 

Scarey darling 
she will always love him 
no matter what
n she finds difficult 
to get closure on this one 

n Scarey was all tender 
n helpless in her arms 

n she doesnt mean to 
cause him any grief 

090219 

i feel compelled to respond to him 
n i don't know why 
maybe I'm frightened 

as if i owe him something 

n i needed no help 

080219 

i feel guilty 
there was someone that i used 
when i needed help 
that i didnt love 

080219 

that was the one with the lights 

n what remains is me 

rap song : Happy Valentines Day 2019

i needed to do it twice 
n the second one was you 

n society says 
once you got him started 
you can't stop 
n he's alot bigger n you 

Im going to kick the ball 
n I'm going to kick it hard 

his friends 
said he had to betray me 
before they would let us pass 

we've started this now 
so we'd better get on with it 

i deserve it 
i deserve it
i deserve it

who IS this guy ? 

so when does having a voice 
become a bit of a tease ? 

sometimes it was me 
that put the pressure on 

cus i wanna nail this guy 
n plant a flag 

n we gotta have it now

so having lost the ability to speak 
i start to act 
n I'm still enjoying it 
but not as much 

there were a couple of guys 
who kept the banter up 
n that really helped 

so what if i want to take a step back 
when we're almost there 
n my legs have turned to jelly 

course then he might think 
that i don't really love him 

yes cus after all 
i trust him don't i ? 
i have become submissive now 
cus we have to agree 
on one thing 

n then i shut up 

080219

i needed to do it twice 
n the second one was you 

070219 

bracing, smarting 

n society says 
once you got him started 
you can't stop 
n he's alot bigger n you 

050219 

Im going to kick the ball 
n I'm going to kick it hard 

his foreign friends 
said he had to betray me 
before they would let us pass 

and oh what a betrayal it was 

040219 

we've started this now 
so we'd better get on with it 

i deserve it 
i deserve it
i deserve it

who IS this guy ? 

030219

so when does having a voice 
become a prick tease ? 

sometimes it was me 
that put the pressure on 

cus i wanna nail this guy 
n plant a flag 

n we gotta have it now

030219 

so having lost the ability to speak 
i start to act 
n I'm still enjoying it 
but not as much 

there were a couple of guys 
who kept the banter up 
n that really helped 

so what if i want to take a step back 
when we're almost there 
n my legs have turned to jelly 

030219 

course then he might think 
that i don't really love him 

yes cus after all 
i trust him don't i ? 
i have become submissive now 
cus we have to agree 
on one thing 

n then i shut up 

020219 

cus its somewhere you're not supposed to go 
n thats what makes it naughty 

leading a double life 

rap song : standing up to boyz

n then he called me the virgin mary 
because i wouldn't take it offf 
i just froze n i went all stiff 
n i let him have his way 

n now i can't say no to this day 
i know you think I'm a tease but please 
take your hand off my knee 

n its worse
after I've had a couple of drinks 

n this is how much lorazepam 
n antipsychotics it takes 
to make me forget 

n yeah its my fault 
i said i wanted a bad boy 

n whats all that about ? 
unavailable drunk n married men 
seems to be a pattern 

a blinding rage 

nobody ever spoke about marriage 
when i was growing up 
it was all about the career 
n no effin housework 
was written on the wall 

so can you use protection we say 
yes 
and then he doesnt 
n it doesnt seem cool to protest 
n after a couple of bites 
he does seem a bit iffy 

standing up to boyz
can be difficult 
especially when you wanna do it 
n you wanna do it 
but you're not really sure 

n we're already hypnotised 

020219

n its worse
after I've had a couple of drinks 

n this is how much lorazepam 
n antipsychotics it takes 
to make me forget 

n yeah its my fault 
i said i wanted a bad boy 

n whats all that about ? 
unavailable drunk n married men 
seems to be a pattern 

a blinding rage 

020219

nobody ever spoke about marriage 
when i was growing up 
it was all about the career 
n no effin housework 
was written on the wall 

so can you use protection we say 
yes 
and then he doesnt 
n it doesnt seem cool to protest 
n after a couple of bites 
he does seem a bit iffy 

n we're already hypnotised 

archives from 2013

standing up to boyz 

rap song : an advert in the sky

n now they want to put an advert in the sky 
defiling the last place left of purity 

veiled threats 

no bad romance, no excitement 
of chancing on someone 

no nothing left to lose 

an abomination 

n now they're watching me on Google Earth 
threatening assault  

four hours of war games 
gunfire n screaming 

so now they've hacked my internet history 
and built a profile
of which platforms i use 

how can she possibly enjoy it 
if she doesnt have a choice 

open your mouth 
before you open your legs 

we struggle with this ourselves 
to have a voice 

saying what we want to happen 
in the bedroom 

even if we've asked
n sometimes it goes unprotected