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why do i always fancy the wrong person ? 

those girls at the races had a choice 
it was a drunken dare 

pissing in the urinals 

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the guy is on a great frequency 

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and things are such now 
that i seem to have a few male partners 
all of whom know that we are not faithful to each other 
but each one seems to be the right one when I'm talking to him 
the real one the one who is really my partner 

so like several open relationships going on 

and I'm stumbling around in the dark 

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I actually think there is something magnificent about bpd
im diagnosed with schizophrenia
but I share so many characterisitcs with bpd
they are such passionate creative people, so brave and fearless

I suppose the self harm is a bitch
but I somehow have managed to overcome that

harassed by a drunk man 

well yes and alot of men do understand as well
if they are not drunk in an unpleasant way

but yes I do end up thinking what have I done to invite this
certainly nothing flirtatious in this case
I started wondering if his hair looks like mine
because it is scruffy

sometimes hair can attract certain types of people

if a woman expresses a sexual thought 

so there are circles where this is not a problem
like in new age progressive green gatherings
where roleplay groups are doing conflict management and stuff
there are workshops where sexuality is explored

but in mainstream society
if a woman expresses something sexual or flirtatious
its is regarded as a promise to any male present
or even also to a gay woman present sometimes

when she may not actually have invested so much of herself in that thought
she may be just observing her own patterns

so is it really true that men cannot control themselves sexually ?

yes I think people can be taught to control themselves

there used to be a thing
where some women expected to be chased
as part of a courting game

but its best not to do that now
considering as you said laws that are in place

or if people want to play those games
they need to put in place a safe word
I dont see the need to make one up
just say ' safe word '

if someone is not reading you right

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are straight people shallow ? 

word jam : whats wrong with schizophrenia

try running uphill 
carrying a brick layer

sometimes its music 
that comes from nowhere 
especially percussion sounds 
like during my worst episodes 
there would be a euphoria 
where all the sounds in the kitchen 
like pots and pans 
would be all jangling 
with different notes making a tune 
which I called Tootle Tunes  

other times entire melodies 
I have been able 
to write down for the piano 
and mystical beasts I could draw 
like it had come from somewhere else 

I liked skateboard parks 
for the sounds out there 
that would turn into reggae  
now recently i just get 
a little bit of percussion 
coming from objects in my home 

the joy of sleeping on someones dirty floor 

my friends found it funny 
i was asleep next to a loud speaker 

i had to get out of his flat 
i went and fell asleep 
outside the National Gallery 
enjoying the hot sun   
and the thundering of the traffic 
the soul of London   

following on from cyber sex 
you can reach a plane of astro sex   

one day their memory 
will be extinguished forever 

when flaming torches 
would ignite our hearts

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one day their memory 

will be extinguished forever 

when flaming torches 
would ignite our hearts